Like many of you, I'm sitting here worrying about Kathy Streib and all of the others riding out Irma. Right now, there's not much the rest of us can do besides worrying, but I know that, for reasons probably best left unexplained, Kathy is a big fan of the Grab Bag and Weird Twitter. So to help her get through the next few hours - and hoping she still has an internet connection - here's the latest.
The rest of you can enjoy these too.
If Facebook Was Real
me: cool shirt Brian
[hours later, a knock at my door]
me: um yes?
Brian's Mom: I also like that shirt
I'm not sure what's more confusing, that we would celebrate killing two birds, or that we would need to conserve stones.
You really could help childhood obesity by eliminating school zone speed limits. Make those little chubsters run when they see a car coming.
"What if Waldo finds me first?" I ask naively. Grandma closes the book; the blood drains from her face. "Don't let that happen," she warns.
Superman: I have super strength
Flash: I have super speed
Aquaman: I control sea creatures
Green Arrow: I tell cars when to turn left
Built a base for my geriatric in-home care by feeding my toddler donuts for dinner tonight.
Sorry I don't remember your name, I was concentrating too hard on shaking hands, making eye contact and not mispronouncing my own.
What did the inventor of the drawing board go back to while inventing the drawing board?
If you're 65+ and doing happy hour, don't kid yourself, it's the early bird special