The Grab Bag - Weird Tweet of the Year

Real Estate Broker/Owner with New Paradigm Partners LLC EB #1326335

I think Weird Twitter must be tiring a bit of the political stuff all the time - there was a pretty good haul of funny tweets last week. And for the very first time, the Grab Bag editorial staff was compelled to recognize one particular tweet with a special award.


Here's the Weird Tweet of the Year (so far):


When you die, a carny helps you out of your human body, waits to see if you're going to throw up, then asks if you want to go again.

— @HMittelmark



And here's the rest of them:


somethin kinda neat i found out…if you ignore a problem for long enough, it either goes away or ruins your life. so 50/50. pretty good odds.

— @bobby


If I ever become a killer clown, I hope I'm stationed at the edge of the woods or under a bed, rather than in a sewer.

— @Jake_Vig


If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn't know how to follow directions."

— @AnOrangeSNES


"Any questions? Don't be shy, there's no such thing as a dumb question."
"Is there such a thing as a dumb question?"

— @HiddenPinky


If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it then how bad of a decision can it really be?

— @HollyMemphis


[Married sext]
Wife: What are you wearing?
Me: Just my underwear 😉
Wife: So you still haven't done the laundry?
ME: No I have not

— @AdamBroud


My favorite quote is probably the left one closely followed by the right one

— @caithuls


I pry open the crab shell but instead of sweet crabmeat I find a tiny, bustling city filled with people who have my face. It tastes terrible



ME [as a kid]: i won't be a grumpy old man
ME [now]: *gets mad at a car for being orange*

— @TheCatWhisprer


yeah so it's the painting with the dogs playing poker but I'm there with them! laughing, smoking, talking shit about cats

tattoo artist: no

— @AndrewChamings


Life isn't always butterflies and rainbows.
There's unicorn farts also.

— @mooses_mom_mar


Dr: What seems to be the problem?
Me: It's my hearing, Doctor.
Dr: Can you describe the symptoms?
Me: Mmm, well, there's Homer, Bart....

— @Adyaces

Posted by
Mary & Dick

Mary & Dick Greenberg
New Paradigm Partners LLC
2601 S. Lemay Ave. #41
Fort Collins, CO 80525


Data Source: IRES MLS


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Susan Haughton
Long and Foster REALTORS (703) 470-4545 - Alexandria, VA
Susan & Mindy Team...Honesty. Integrity. Results.

There are so many witty people on Twitter;  I enjoy just for the entertainment value alone.  Of these, thought, I think my fave was the married sext.  LOL

Sep 24, 2017 07:50 AM #5
Barbara Todaro
RE/MAX Executive Realty - Franklin, MA
Marketing Agent for The Todaro Team

Good morning, Dick Greenberg love these.... and especially this one:

if you ignore a problem for long enough, it either goes away or ruins your life. so 50/50. pretty good odds.

Sep 24, 2017 08:01 AM #6
Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Los Angeles Pasadena 818.516.4393

Hi, Dick -- favorites from this edition of The Grab Bag and Weird Twitter are from @bobby - @AdamBroud - @Adyaces

Have a weird and wonderful Sunday.   

Sep 24, 2017 08:25 AM #7
Debb Janes EcoBroker and Bernie Stea JD
ViewHomes of Clark County - Nature As Neighbors - Camas, WA
REALTORS® in Clark County, WA

You brought some smiles today. Thanks for reaching into The Grab Bag and sharing some Tweets. I also like the married sext.  Have a great Sunday. D 

Sep 24, 2017 08:56 AM #8
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Dick- what I love about all of your weird Twitter is that it reinforces the feeling I have that there are other people with weird senses of humor out there besides me. 

Sep 24, 2017 11:02 AM #9
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster REALTORS®, Gainesville, VA - Bristow, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

Thanks for the laughs with this weird twitter grab bag.  A lot of good ones this week.

Sep 24, 2017 01:22 PM #10
Myrl Jeffcoat
GreatWest Realty - Sacramento, CA
Greater Sacramento Real Estate Agent

Hilarious!  But the top one is absolutely priceless, Dick!  Hope you are enjoying your weekend!

Sep 24, 2017 02:04 PM #11
Hannah Williams
Re/Max Eastern inc. - Philadelphia, PA
Expertise NE Philadelphia & Bucks 215-953-8818

These are very strange Dick Greenberg 

Sep 24, 2017 02:08 PM #12
Michelle Carr Crowe,Altas Just Call...408-252-8900!
Get Results Team...Just Call (408) 252-8900! . DRE #00901962 . Licensed to Sell since 1985 . Altas Realty - San Jose, CA
Family Helping Families Buy & Sell Homes 40+ Years

Most of these are worth a good laugh over! Laughter is especially needed in these strange times. Thanks for sharing the joy

Sep 24, 2017 02:16 PM #13
Nina Hollander
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Charlotte, NC
Your Charlotte/Ballantyne/Waxhaw/Fort Mill Realtor

Defnitely some weird tweets and funny as all get-out. But this one really caught my eye: If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn't know how to follow directions."

— @AnOrangeSNES

Sep 24, 2017 03:03 PM #14
Liz and Bill Spear
RE/MAX Elite 513.520.5305 - Mason, OH
RE/MAX Elite Warren County OH (Cincinnati/Dayton)

Sep 24, 2017 03:26 PM #15
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Well Dick some I thought were funny  others I am still trying to understand:))) must be slow today...but my favorite was the 50%/50% odds....Endre

Sep 24, 2017 03:34 PM #16
Sheri Sperry - MCNE®
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Sedona, AZ
(928) 274-7355 ~ YOUR Solutions REALTOR®

Hi Dick, 

My favorite is "If I had to describe myself in one word ....!"

Have a great week!

Sep 24, 2017 03:45 PM #17
George Souto
George Souto NMLS #65149 FHA, CHFA, VA Mortgages - Middletown, CT
Your Connecticut Mortgage Expert

Dick the "doesn't know how to follow directions" could have been directed at me :)

Sep 24, 2017 04:54 PM #18
Debe Maxwell, CRS | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

OMG, the carnival guy cracked me up - care to go again?! TOO funny!

And, the tattoo - LOL I have to say that I know some people who live by that 50/50 rule too - I'm always surprised at how darned lucky they are, Dick!

Hope you have a fantastic week...

Sep 24, 2017 07:20 PM #19
Beth Atalay
Cam Realty and Property Management - Clermont, FL
Cam Realty of Clermont FL

Good morning Dick, my favorite one is the 50/50 rule, perhaps I'll give it a try. Have a great week!

Sep 25, 2017 08:50 AM #20
Gayle Rich-Boxman Fishhawk Lake Real Estate
John L Scott Market Center - Birkenfeld, OR
"Your Local Expert!" 503-755-2905

I was laughing so hard I started to cough. But no unicorn farts followed. 

Sep 25, 2017 09:19 AM #21
Anna Banana Kruchten - Phoenix Homes Sales
Phoenix Property Shoppe - Phoenix, AZ

Hey Dick well it's now Monday but I'm enjoying your weird twitter - laughing so hard at some of them.

Sep 25, 2017 10:37 AM #22
Jeff Dowler, CRS
Solutions Real Estate - Carlsbad, CA
The Southern California Relocation Dude

Hi Dick

Well I'm a day late but so what? I still enjoyed your Grab Bag this evening! Have a terrific week!


Sep 25, 2017 05:44 PM #23
Paul S. Henderson, REALTOR®, CRS
RE/MAX Northwest. - Tacoma, WA
Tacoma Washington Agent/Broker & Market Authority!

I enjoy your wit my friend. Thanks fot the smiles  Dick Greenberg 

Sep 25, 2017 09:21 PM #24
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