I think Weird Twitter must be tiring a bit of the political stuff all the time - there was a pretty good haul of funny tweets last week. And for the very first time, the Grab Bag editorial staff was compelled to recognize one particular tweet with a special award.
Here's the Weird Tweet of the Year (so far):
When you die, a carny helps you out of your human body, waits to see if you're going to throw up, then asks if you want to go again.
And here's the rest of them:
somethin kinda neat i found out…if you ignore a problem for long enough, it either goes away or ruins your life. so 50/50. pretty good odds.
If I ever become a killer clown, I hope I'm stationed at the edge of the woods or under a bed, rather than in a sewer.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn't know how to follow directions."
"Any questions? Don't be shy, there's no such thing as a dumb question."
"Is there such a thing as a dumb question?"
If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it then how bad of a decision can it really be?
Wife: What are you wearing?
Me: Just my underwear 😉
Wife: So you still haven't done the laundry?
ME: No I have not
My favorite quote is probably the left one closely followed by the right one
I pry open the crab shell but instead of sweet crabmeat I find a tiny, bustling city filled with people who have my face. It tastes terrible
ME [as a kid]: i won't be a grumpy old man
ME [now]: *gets mad at a car for being orange*
yeah so it's the painting with the dogs playing poker but I'm there with them! laughing, smoking, talking shit about cats
tattoo artist: no
Life isn't always butterflies and rainbows.
There's unicorn farts also.
Dr: What seems to be the problem?
Me: It's my hearing, Doctor.
Dr: Can you describe the symptoms?
Me: Mmm, well, there's Homer, Bart....