How do these phrases make you feel?
If you're like me, hearing the phrase, "Don't take this the wrong way" means I need to expect unconstructive criticism. The speaker knows there is an excellent chance I'm not going to like what they say but they are going to say it anyway.
I also believe that the person who says, "I really hate to say this" feels enjoyment and a swell of superiority as they launch into what they think I need to hear. If you are like me, these phrases put you on guard and not receptive to what the talker has to say. Here are a few of my favorite phrases I hate to hear. Do these resonate with you?
- I've Just Gotta Tell You - No you don't! Before uttering this phrase ask yourself this question, "Where is my advice coming from?" If it's anger, resentment, jealousy or any negative place, keep quiet. However, if you care for someone and want to offer your advice or help, try a different opening line. "Another way to approach this could be to say/do _______." This gives the person the chance to consider other options or a new perspective without feeling like they're being judged or bossed around.
- You Know What You Should Do - Whenever the word should is used in a sentence we need to be careful. The word "should" indicates you have an obligation or duty to do something. If you feel someone should do or say something, ask yourself why. Would it be okay if the person didn't do what you think should be done? Instead of this phrase, consider saying something like, "You may want to try ___it's worked for me and may work for you in this situation."
- Get Over It - This is one of the meanest phrases to say to someone. What you are really saying is, "I don't care enough about you to empathize and understand what you are going through." I've heard this phrase used in a joking way like when people are trash talking sports teams but in most situations, it may be best to avoid saying, Get over it! It's a pretty callous sentence to say to anyone.
- That Makes No Sense - The political dialogue in our country right now is pretty rough. It can be really hard to understand the "other side". However, telling people they make no sense is a conversation stopper. There's no quicker way to make someone angry than to tell them they don't make sense. Of course, if they really aren't making sense, ask for clarification but usually, this sentence is used when we disagree with other peoples points of view. Before tossing this sentence into a conversation, consider the damage that will be done. Would it be better to ask them to further explain what they said? Or would it be better to just agree to disagree? We always have options!
While we can't change what others say to us, we can decide how we will react or respond to their words.
Have a great week everyone!
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