Thankful for the Ability to Stop Bullies

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Phoenix Property Shoppe AZ Broker BR030809000
https://activerain.com/droplet/58lg

 

This isn't the happy, feel good kind of post that I was thinking I'd be writing about today, especially for the Thankful Season!   But a situation occurred yesterday at a professional designation meeting of leaders and I must deal with it because it is serious and can have  short and long term consequences for this organization.

 

I was bullied, disrespected and demeaned by a particular guy when I first walked in the door and it continued on throughout the meeting. He apparently thinks that kind behavior is acceptable. No it is NOT. There is no chance that I will put up with that kind of behavior nor will I sit by and not do what I can about it. Change must happen. And if there is no change from within this small group of men (no women) then I will go further up the chain. Bullying must be stopped.

 

I don't really know this guy, at all. I had maybe 3 minutes of small talk with him at a few events I sponsored last year. Why he has it out for me I have no idea. Is he afraid that I'm a take charge kind of woman and know how to make things happens? Perhaps.  Is this bulling behavior his way of getting me to quit? Perhaps. Has this happened in the past with other women? Perhaps. I don't really know. But this bullying behavior must be stopped.

 

I find it extremely hard to believe that anybody higher up on a national level would find his behavior towards me (or anybody else) acceptable. Of course they would not find it acceptable for obvious reasons and it would reflect very badly on the organization and what it stands for. Who would be interested in signing up to be bullied and harassed. Nobody I know.

 

What I am thankful for is that I have the ability to face this head on and handle it in an appropriate manner and do whatever I can to stop this bullying. I am a strong woman and I'm also very determined to stop this  harassment & bullying from happening to other women or men. I am also  very thankful to have a support system of fellow professionals that is assisting me work through how to handle this situation to effect change. Nobody deserves to be harassed, disrespected, demeaned or bullied. This must be stopped at all levels.

 

Kind of shocking, isn't it? It shocked the he** out of me.... and you guys and gals know me well. I am a happy and kind woman that treats people with respect and honor.  Things don't shock me often anymore but this one did. I don't waste energy on negative stuff or people. But I must speak up  & do what I can to stop this kind of harassing and mean behavior.

 

 

Thankful for the Ability to Stop Bullies

 

Posted by

 

Phoenix Property Shoppe
  

 

 

Anna "Banana" Kruchten
Designated Broker & Owner
CRB, CRS, GRI, CNE, SFR, CDPE, WLS


Phoenix Homes For Sale

 

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Rainmaker
2,968,000
Michael Jacobs
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Pasadena, CA
Los Angeles Pasadena Area Real Estate 818.516.4393

Hi Anna --- as I was reading your post the same thoughts expressed by Kimo Stowell came to me --- take no crap!   I know you don't.  You won't.  You don't need it!   No one does.  Ever.  

Nov 18, 2017 09:07 AM #25
Rainmaker
1,794,633
Patricia Feager
DFW FINE PROPERTIES - Southlake, TX
Selling Homes Changing Lives

Anna Banana Kruchten,CRS,CRB,GRI - I'm glad to see this in print and noticed only a few good men responded. Sure, I know there are many good men here on AR but I especially liked some comments that resonated with me, along with your excellent subject matter. I am proud of you for writing this and thankful you are giving us an opportunity to respond back.

Let me start with something Richie Alan Naggar said, "Actually bullies not only feed on fear but try to recruit you just as it was done to them." WOW! I never thought about that before but I do believe he's right. I think about all those abductors of children and those who get caught always seem to blame one or both parents. Could it be that bullying is a method of seduction to "recruit" because it was a learned behavior???  

Kimo Stowell mentions "Intimidation is the tool of the sociopath." As someone who was bullied, I can tell you the greatest book that put things into perspective for me was "The Sociolpath Next Door," by Martha Stout. I must have read it a dozen times or more after becoming a Real Estate Agent. Anna, Kimo is right! Sociopath's are charming snakes and most of them ARE in leadership roles with charismatic personalities. I gave up my position and the Board because of a couple of those snakes who tend to feed off each other and once they find a victim, they won't quit if you do nothing.

Read it! You're on the right path. 

 

Nov 18, 2017 09:18 AM #26
Rainer
444,270
Sham Reddy
H E R Realty, Dayton, OH - Dayton, OH
CRS

Very unfortunate behaviour!!!

Nobody deserves to be disrespected and demeaned or bullied. Bulling must be stopped at all levels.

Nov 18, 2017 09:36 AM #27
Rainmaker
1,167,301
Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi
NMLS #216987, IL Lic. 031.0006220, WI Licensed. APMC NMLS #175656 - New Lenox, IL
708.921.6331 - 40+ yrs experience

My guess is that you "threaten" him on some level, Anna Banana Kruchten,CRS,CRB,GRI ... you intimidate him with your success, your knowledge, your social acumen.  And he's striking out because of it instead of embracing it and envisioning how it could benefit the group, him .. and others.  The others in the group need to find their voice. 

Kudos to you for not allowing this type of behavior to prevail.  Keep us informed as to how things go, please ...

Gene 

Nov 18, 2017 09:48 AM #28
Ambassador
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Anna Banana Kruchten CRB, CRS 602-380-4886
Phoenix Property Shoppe - Phoenix, AZ
Arizona's Top Banana!

Patricia Feager - sure that happens with young people or those who aren't sure of themselves and don't know how to handle bullies.  Which is sad - especially in the young kids. But this situaion is NOT that.  I am a strong vibrant leader and I will do what I can to do get this train going in a postive direction for this community. I will not be quiet.  This bullying and secret voting must stop.

As for Sociopaths, trust me I know this type well.  My background was in Psych and I've run across a number of them over the years. I can spot them a mile away.  They can't play me.

Nov 18, 2017 10:18 AM #29
Rainmaker
1,004,950
Margaret Goss
Baird & Warner Real Estate - Winnetka, IL
Chicago's North Shore & Winnetka Real Estate

My first thought was, Gosh how awful for Anna, I'm glad that never happened to me.

But then  some of the comments  made me think more about bullying behavior. I know I've had a few sociopath clients - and I now realize I was bullied by them!

As women, we accept too much of this behavior and I'm glad you stood up to him. My experiences with two of these types has made me steadfast in letting go of them much earlier in the process.

Nov 18, 2017 11:00 AM #30
Rainmaker
1,420,811
Yolanda Cordova-Gilbert
Richmond, TX

Anna,

 COngrats on the feature. WOW! Maybe you remind him of someone in his past, I do not know but not only do we have sexual harrasment that has permeated the last few weeks in the media, but hostility and hostile work environments and bullying by bosses. This must stop!

Nov 18, 2017 11:30 AM #31
Rainmaker
1,067,717
Carol Williams
U.S.: I specialize in helping agents who have been in the business 2 years or less create a thriving business. - Wenatchee, WA
"Customized Mentoring & Marketing Services"

Hi Anna,
Such an important subject that we can't turn a blind eye to because we want to stay on the happy, positive, side.  Many people are not strong enough and do not have the skills to fight back and stand up for themselves. It is not healthy for the individuals or the organization(s).   This should be agressively addressed and dealt with.  How can I help.  I really want to. 

Nov 18, 2017 11:40 AM #32
Rainmaker
3,155,279
Sheila Anderson
Referral Group Incorporated - East Brunswick, NJ
The Real Estate Whisperer Who Listens 732-715-1133

Hello Anna. This is no joke and I am sad to read this. If I can help in any way, please let me know. Bullies are everywhere and I know you won't take this crap. So sorry.

Nov 18, 2017 02:03 PM #33
Ambassador
1,198,584
Amanda Christiansen
Christiansen Group Realty (260)704-0843 - Fort Wayne, IN
Christiansen Group Realty

Jared talking here.  If this business and country didn't have strong women we would be lost.  I love strong women because I respect them and treat them as I would anybody.  

Guys like this are cowards and are trying to hold on to whatever their insecurities are.  

Strong men respect strong women.  Weak men fear them.  

Nov 18, 2017 05:39 PM #34
Rainmaker
151,880
Corey Martin
Martin Presence Group - Ruston, LA
Real Estate and Management Solutions

I am very sorry to hear that this has happened to you and I am even more sorry that he has been allowed to become like that. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of ways to deal with them when they get to that point. I hope you have a better day today. 

Nov 18, 2017 07:56 PM #35
Rainmaker
2,384,877
Rebecca Gaujot, Realtor®
Vision Quest Realty, Martha Hilton, Broker - Lewisburg, WV
Lewisburg WV, the go to agent for all real estate

Anna, I am glad you are the kind of woman that does not accept this bullying.  My 11 year old niece was being bullied in school. Her mother finally decided to home school her after trying to stop the bullying in school.

Nov 18, 2017 08:40 PM #36
Rainmaker
501,110
Hella M. Rothwell, Broker/Realtor®
Carmel by the Sea, CA
Rothwell Realty Inc. CA#01968433 Carmel-by-the-Sea

How stupid of him to bully you, Anna. Sounds more like a form of "gloating" that he got away with getting himself elected president, and with an all-male board, it sounds like. If you didn't even know about the voting, maybe you can get it INVALIDATED? Like you, I don't get bullied--or at least, that doesn't go anywhere if anyone tries. But it does happen, and we need to put a stop to it, pronto, not shrug it off or slink away. And it's not just men who do this to women, women can be brutal and much more sneaky.  I'd love to hear more about this.

Nov 19, 2017 05:05 AM #37
Ambassador
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Debb Janes EcoBroker and Bernie Stea JD
ViewHomes of Clark County - Nature As Neighbors - Camas, WA
REALTORS® in Clark County, WA

OMG. I wish I'd been at that meeting Anna. I would have stood up for you quickly and loudly. You must intimidate the hell out of him, that's what I'm thinking. What a shame that others didn't rise to the occassion. I'm with Hella, I've seen women in this role too. The intimidation is different, but they work hard to make others feel less than...so pathetic. 

Nov 19, 2017 07:52 AM #38
Ambassador
2,297,117
Belinda Spillman
Aspen Lane Real Estate Colorful Colorado - Aurora, CO
Colorado Living!

You made the right choice by putting these guys in your rearview.  It is 100% their loss and shame on them for letting this Butt Head act the way he acted.  NEXT!

Nov 19, 2017 08:10 AM #39
Rainmaker
682,859
Olga Simoncelli
Veritas Prime, LLC dba Veritas Prime Real Estate - New Fairfield, CT
CONSULTANT, Real Estate Services & Risk Management

Sorry this happened to you; no-one should let that kind of behavior just go on.

Nov 19, 2017 08:16 AM #40
Rainmaker
2,858,072
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Anna, I missed this post, and let me tell you something, I am so easy going and kind if you are nice to me... on the other hand if you come to me as a jerk, my Airborne, Ranger Infantry background will come out and I will flame all over you... I have clients who are at the bottom of the real estate chain and I have clients who are in the top 3000 nationwide in wealth... no matter I will let them know either way where we stand... there is not enough money or attitude that will allow me to eat "crow" just because....

Nov 19, 2017 07:34 PM #41
Rainmaker
352,957
Marney Kirk
Cummings & Co. Realtors - Towson, MD
Towson, Maryland Real Estate

Wow, Anna Banana Kruchten CRS,CRB I agree, you need to take this higher than those at the meeting. How is an organization supposed to represent members if the board isn't treated fairly or involved in a huge decision? I sincerely hope someone listens and BRAVO to you for standing up.

Nov 20, 2017 11:38 AM #42
Ambassador
3,691,317
Jeff Dowler, CRS
Solutions Real Estate - Carlsbad, CA
The Southern California Relocation Dude

Hi Anna

I'm so sorry you were subjected to this. There is absolutely no excuse for anyone to treat someone else in an unprofessional, bullying and/or harassing manner. Yes, action needs to be taken and promptly. Bet this guy has a habit of doing this to others, including men perhaps, and no one has taken it further. This needs to stop!

Jeff

Nov 21, 2017 11:52 AM #43
Rainmaker
515,720
Dave Halpern
Keller Williams Realty Louisville East (502) 664-7827 - Louisville, KY
Louisville Short Sale Expert

Sometimes bullies are just paper tigers that need to have their bluff called.

Nov 28, 2017 08:14 PM #44
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