What (who?) is the subject of this sentence?

Yesterday’s email brought a prime example of confused communication. I know what it meant, but because two words were missing, that’s not what it said.

Here’s the headline: When Elected Governor, Healthcare Costs Can & Will Be Lowered

The phrase “when elected governor” has nothing to hang on except healthcare costs – and I’m almost positive that healthcare costs are NOT going to be elected governor. Had he included the words “I am” after when, the whole thing would have made sense.

This message made me think he’s someone who doesn’t pay attention to details. Someone else probably wrote it, but doesn’t he approve what is sent out under his name? Hmmm…

Where this pops up most often in real estate:

Every now and then I come across something like “As your agent, you can rely on me to…” (As your agent is modifying you – and that makes no sense at all.)

This is related to the misplaced modifier problem. Remember “The woman hit the cow in the red car.” I suppose a cow could have been in a red car, but it’s not likely.

Your reader will eventually figure out what you meant, but in the meantime, the momentum of your message is gone. The flow from your brain to your reader's brain is broken, as he or she becomes focused on the words rather than the meaning.

So – I repeat myself yet again: Proofread, proofread, and proofread again. Check for typos, mis-used words, and misspellings, and make sure what you wrote makes good sense.

Your goal is to communicate, not to confuse.

 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

marte@copybymarte.com
www.copybymarte.com

Priest River, Idaho
208-448-1479

 

Call on Copy by Marte for:

Custom Web Copy....Agent Bios....E-mail Campaigns
Newsletters....Postcards....Custom Prospecting Letters
Articles....Blog Posts....Print Ads

PLUS

Pre-written real estate letters that save you time and money -
and keep you in touch with your prospects.