This is NOT about saying please and thank you and pretending to have complied with interacting and communicating with another person. NO. Manners are a small part although a necessary one to be sure. What I am speaking about is the art, depth and results (or lack thereof) that come from an exchange either personal or professional of persons who we know or don't know
THE CUES & CLUES
Humans communicate with their whole being & we find out that some are far from being whole but never the less need to be understood. The coming together for whatever reason is full of verbal and non-verbal communications and it is incumbent on all involved to know as much as we can about this
SILENCE
This is an example of a non-verbal communicative element at work that has to be acknowledged. What is that silence saying? Don't assume the person doesn't know or has nothing to contribute. Far from it. Instead of second guessing, the communicator must key into this by inquiry, probing or questioning
RESPONSE
When someone who is communicating reaches a point where they need confirmation or verification, they signal quite clearly & become attentive listeners. A good signaler uses body & speak to trigger this & then the responder takes that cue. What we want is further conversation on what was just said
WHAT?
We never know what someone heard but assume strongly that since we said it then it took place. What if they didn't get it? Understand it? Perhaps while you were talking they were formulating a response and didn't hear you? People process differently and have to start somewhere. Let them communicate
IT HAS BEGUN
Many times what is on their minds come out having nothing to do with what was said or they introduce what is important to them on the subject and start a new conversation never addressing your intent but instead theirs. Who knows what to expect? One thing we do know is this.....
RESPONSIBILITY or ABILITY TO RESPOND
This is the neutral & even playing fields that all must enter into successfully to have connection. It first starts with the original communicator. It is the responsibility of that communicator to communicate making sure they were heard and then invite a response. Many miss this & create additional issues
NEVER-ARGUE
The initiating person must start-over without pointing a finger to a problem but instead admitting they weren't clear or didn't state their intention very well. They take responsibility & begin again. They never accuse the other (whether true or not) for the breakdown. There is a good reason as to WHY
BEWARE THE TANGENT
Tangents can be innocent or fuel a fire and every unpredictable thing in between. A misunderstanding is a like a stray bullet where bystanders can get hurt and collateral damage goes wild. Distraction is a thief robbing us of the original reason to communicate. The remedy? Stay focused and be not moved
NEGOTIATION
Never assume everyone is on the same page. Often people have their own beliefs about what they are seeing and hearing and when prodded will share that experience. It may be on subject or related to it and interpersonal relating allows for this. We are looking for common ground to connect and build on
WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME YOU & US?
We all have to have skin in the game of some sort when communicating or what is the point? There is always a whats in it for me at work by all parties. What we are trying to do is address that successfully and leave each other better off for it. Of course many a meeting has gone astray causing a time-out
PROBLEM-SOLVING
All of us have a mechanism in us fully developed that goes to work automatically to address issues as they come up. This willing give & take allows negotiation to enter-in to earn its keep. The solving of problems is at work constantly from the obvious to the not seen yet we must navigate through it all
DECISION MAKING
You would be surprised at how many people either don't like making decisions or are just no good at it. Many just want to get it over with. Later they discover that it was not to their liking. Enter BLAME that is fueled by excuses. Interpersonal relating when done correctly mitigates or eliminates this intruder
ASSERTIVENESS
All must practice asserting what they want, mean and intend when interacting with others. It is based on a simple premise of saying what you mean and meaning what you say. It is a form of confidence with involvement for a predictable outcome. Interpersonal exchanges allow for all to assert & be heard
SMALL TALK
Even in social interactions this sending and receiving must be acknowledged but perhaps not be taking so seriously yet it still has to leave all involved with something or why the coming together to begin with? This is where small talk, courtesies and manners assure us that no harm will come about
Note: many resort to small talk or change of subject when it becomes uncomfortable
INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATING
This should be a mandatory class-room teaching in High School and required training at all work-force activities. When two similar but totally different people in different places and times come together for whatever reason they should have purpose. Its up to the ones at that time to define that
