What Do You Remember Most? The Good or the Bad?

Real Estate Agent with Long and Foster REALTORS®, Gainesville, VA VA License # 0225089470

What Do You Remember Most?  The Good or the Bad?

When it comes to whether we are a positive or negative person, one clue resides in what our memory holds onto with the most clarity.  For me, I am often reminded by bad things that happened by my husband.  He can't believe that I can't recall how annoyed I was ten years ago, or five years ago at something that, at the time, seemed like a big deal.  At the same time, I can remember the wonderful things that friends and family have done for me that seemed like nothing.  

My brother and I had a laugh last night.  As you know, our mom has Alzheimer's dementia.  As such, her short term memory is shot.  One benefit of that, besides the fact that she will pick out her own Christmas gifts and then be amazed at how well I know her when she opens them a couple weeks later, should be that she easily forgets life's aggravations.   Wrong!  Something completely amazing can happen, like my best friend getting pregnant without medical assistance at the age of forty-six after years of failed attempts, and every time my mom hears about it for last six months, that is a total surprise.  On the other hand, if it's something that irritates her, she can't let it go.

Last night during our phone call, she wouldn't stop complaining about the fact that my brother had to park an entire building away from hers.  She was fired up and ready to make a complaint against the community.  That's my mom.  She goes off half-cocked and full boar angry with the facts as she sees them.  I've lived with this embarrassment my whole life.  And you would think a benefit of the Alzheimer's would be that she would forget these minor transgressions and live blissfully unaware.  Not happening.  My mom always sees the negative over the positive and is raring to thrown the first, second and third punch over those things.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm glad that I am not stuck on that hamster wheel of angst.  The song from the movie Frozen nailed it.  Let it go!  Life's too short to hold onto the bad. Leave more room for the good.  You'll live a happier life.



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Laura Cerrano
Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island - Locust Valley, NY
Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher

I remember deep impact. I go for getting back to that deep impact feeling that’s pretty much a gut feeling

Mar 20, 2018 10:55 PM #17
Laura Cerrano
Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island - Locust Valley, NY
Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher

It’s not always easy for people to forget the negative and that’s why it holds onto them for so long, I think. Debe Maxwell, CRS

Mar 20, 2018 10:57 PM #18
Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.AtHomesCharlotte.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

It's the individual that holds onto the negative, Laura Cerrano. I'm an oddball, I know but, my philosophy is that I made a mistake (or was hurt), own it (or forgive) and let it go. I can't go back and change a thing and holding onto it only makes me more miserable. Contrary to my mother's belief, I do learn from it but, putting it aside is healthier, I think!

Mar 21, 2018 05:39 AM #19
Susan Haughton
Long and Foster REALTORS (703) 470-4545 - Alexandria, VA
Susan & Mindy Team...Honesty. Integrity. Results.

There are times when I am really upset about something but even if I try (and, oh, there have been times when I have tried), I just cannot hold on to the negative. Well, except for my disgust with Verizon, but I digress...

Sometimes I feel as if I live in a Polyanna world, but it's much cozier and happier in here, so I just stay. 

Mar 23, 2018 11:28 AM #20
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Hi Chris Ann- I'm more inclined to remember the good things and times I've had, which is not to mean I'm oblivious to it. I do know of someone who could never get past something that happened many years earlier and consequently, I don't think she ever found real happiness.

Mar 24, 2018 12:55 PM #21
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224


 Thank you Chris Ann!

Mar 24, 2018 06:02 PM #22
Chris Lima
Atlantic Shores Realty Expertise - Port St Lucie, FL
Local or Global-Allow me to open doors for you.

Good Morning Chris Ann Cleland.  I am thankful that Kathy Streib featured this post.  We do have a choice in what we hang on to.  I see no benefit in allowing negativity to take up too much space.  It's not always the easy way, but I choose to hold on to the happy memories. All the best to you and your family.



Mar 25, 2018 06:19 AM #23
Margaret Goss
Baird & Warner Real Estate - Winnetka, IL
Chicago's North Shore & Winnetka Real Estate

I guess I'm lucky because I have terrible angst initially, but a short time later, it's just a past memory. It's not totally forgotten, but I seem to be able to let it go.  Better for the heart too!

Mar 25, 2018 06:46 AM #24
Hella M. Rothwell, Broker/Realtor®
Carmel by the Sea, CA
Rothwell Realty Inc. CA#01968433 Carmel-by-the-Sea

Chris Ann Cleland - That attitude to not dwell on negatives has really helped with both my clients and friendships. They will do some outrageous thing but I don't take it personally. I figure they are having a bad day, or I stay clear of them for awhile. And wonder of wonders, THEY WILL HAVE FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT IT like your mom. And we move on.

Mar 25, 2018 07:00 AM #25
Kristin Johnston - REALTOR®
RE/MAX Realty Center - Waukesha, WI
Giving Back With Each Home Sold!

I am thankful that Kathy chose to highlight your post this week!

Mar 25, 2018 07:09 AM #26
Dorie Dillard
Coldwell Banker United Realtors® ~ 512.346.1799 - Austin, TX
Serving Buyers & Sellers in NW Austin Real Estate

Good morning Chris Ann Cleland ,

I'm so glad that Kathy Streib featured this in her "Ah-ha" moments for the week! I loved reading your story and could definitely identify my mother with yours. Life is too short to hold grudges and live with anxiety over something or someone you can't change! Let it go!! You will have more room for the good flowing your way!

Mar 25, 2018 07:17 AM #27
Hannah Williams
Re/Max Eastern inc. - Philadelphia, PA
Expertise NE Philadelphia & Bucks 215-953-8818

Chris Ann Cleland  we all have negative experiences in life it is best to disgard them for the positive experiences . I missed this post thank you Kathy Streib 

Mar 25, 2018 07:28 AM #28
Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line

I learnt to let go, amd move on, been very helpful. Trying to do it more when clients dot hings that upsetme, but generally as you say time passes and I don't even remember the angst. Glad Kathy featured this as I missed it earlier, a good reminder.

Mar 25, 2018 08:03 AM #29
Sheila Anderson
Referral Group Incorporated - East Brunswick, NJ
The Real Estate Whisperer Who Listens 732-715-1133

Good morning Chris Ann. I agree that some of us seem programmed one way or another. Sorry about your Mom.

Mar 25, 2018 08:51 AM #30
Jeff Dowler, CRS
Solutions Real Estate - Carlsbad, CA
The Southern California Relocation Dude - Carlsbad

Chris Ann

Sory to hear about your Mom but I suppose one good thing is you recognize it.

I think much of what is remembered is tied into the emotions associated with the memory, and how powerful they were at the time, whether good or bad. I try to let go of the bad stuff and normally can do so without too much trouble, especially as I get older. It just doesn't matter all that much.


Mar 25, 2018 11:18 AM #31
Beth Atalay
Cam Realty and Property Management - Clermont, FL
Cam Realty of Clermont FL

Good morning Chris Ann Cleland, I refuse to dwell on negative "stuff", not worth my time or energy. My dad also has Alzheimer's, we're at the beginning stages. Definitely not easy.

Mar 26, 2018 07:13 AM #32
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

One thing I know for sure is you can get 100 compliments on something and then 1 person says something negative and it's the most powerful critique of them all. That is the one remembered.

I like to think of myself as a positive person, but the older I get the crankier I seem to be getting. LOL

Mar 27, 2018 06:32 AM #33
Corey Martin
Martin Presence Group - Ruston, LA
Real Estate and Management Solutions

Very true! What is the point of living in a world of angst? It is so much more enjoyable to free yourself from that angst. Thank you for sharing.

Mar 27, 2018 04:44 PM #34
Ellen Caruso
Daniel Gale Sotheby's International Realty - Glen Head, NY

I appreciate your honesty. I lost my dad over 2 years ago with his debilitating Alzheimer’s. I must say he was always positive and thankful even in his worst times. My mom had been going through health issues for 3 years, unthinkable complications and life changing. She tends to be more negative than my dad was. I think I take after my dad, I find the good in everything.

Mar 28, 2018 06:45 PM #35
Jill Sackler
Charles Rutenberg Realty Inc. 516-575-7500 - Long Beach, NY
LI South Shore Real Estate - Broker Associate

I have the same mother Chris. Laughing about the Christmas gift tale. Good or bad, I remember the way someone made me feel.

Apr 17, 2018 06:54 AM #36
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Chris Ann Cleland

Associate Broker, Bristow, VA
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