Getting Your Spouse On Board

By
Real Estate Agent with Atlanta Communities Real Estate Brokerage GREC #208281

 

Getting Your Spouse on Board

Key Points

  • Having a supportive spouse makes all the difference 
  • But do what you do because it feels like it's your purpose in life
  • There's a reason for everything

 

I saw this posted the other day on Ryan Fletcher's Facebook. It is so true. I couldn't have said it better so I wanted to share it and add my two cents:

“The world of entrepreneurship isn't all roses. It's an emotional dog-fight. You pour your heart and soul into this thing. Like trying to push a weighted sled. It doesn't seem to move. It’s not for lack of effort. You’re slaying dragons, daily. You're doing your best. You’re sharpening your sword to the extent, it feels like a sacrificial ritual... you ain’t got no more blood left to give.

Depression sets in. You’re already down, because you’re tired and worn out. No one is more frustrated than you.

Then your spouse says, “Insert hurtful comment…” which conveys they have absolutely no belief in you. "I was down already, yes, but thanks for the kick to the balls." “I get it, you have no confidence in me…” And this person, your spouse, partner, who is supposed to be your biggest fan. Your champion. Your greatest supporter. If they won’t support you, root for you, pick you up when you’re feeling down, then what’s the f*cking point?

Who am I doing this for?

“The world is already against me. I got enough critics. I got enough doubters. I got enough people who think I’m going to fail. Half the time, that person is me. I need you to pick me up. I need you to give me strength. I need you to believe in me."

"Together, I truly believed we could defeat them," he says to his spouse. "But I was wrong, you're one of them…”

When someone comes to that realization, man, woman, doesn't matter, that’s a painful reality. Thankfully, I’ve never had to.”

 

 

I have a friend who is in this position. It's very disheartening. I tell him to hang in there. Maybe it's God's way of giving you a better challenge that is preparing you for bigger and better things.

Does it really matter what your spouse thinks? Are you doing what you're doing to please someone else or are you doing what you're doing because it feels like it's your purpose in life and it resonates with you?

I tell him not to do things for the sake of hoping to get approval from others. Do it because it feels like it was what you were meant to do.

Whatever your dream is, just do it, no matter how many doubters there are. It's your life and your dream.

It reminds me of a song in grade school.

Row your boat merrily down the stream and enjoy wherever it takes you.

 

 

Row, row, row your boat

Gently down the stream

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Life is but a dream

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by

 

 

About the Author:  Tim Maitski has been a full time Realtor since 1999. He has sold several hundreds of homes in areas around metro Atlanta.  Tim started with RE/MAX Greater Atlanta and is now with Atlanta Communities Real Estate Brokerage.

 

Along with blogging on ActiveRain, he provides one of the best real estate websites in Atlanta at www.HomeAtlanta.com .

 

His proprietary  "Maitski Line Reports" chart out the absorption rates over the past 14 years in 37 different market areas.  Know when it's a good time to buy or a good time to sell.    

 

His online Property Tax Calculator allows you to compare property taxes in many counties and cities around the Atlanta area.  He provides the Atlanta MLS Power Search Tool that allows searches of homes using over 35 specific criteria.

 

Over the years, Tim has optimized his business so that he now can offer a huge 50% commission rebate to his buyers.  The more experience one gets, the easier the job becomes.

 

Tim also has a "Five Days to Sold" System that uses an intensive marketing blitz to create a showing frenzy that creates urgency and offers.

 

Tim is always looking to LinkIn with anyone who is interested in building their social network.

 

View Tim Maitski ●Atlanta Realtor●'s profile on LinkedIn

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Rainmaker
298,151
Kate McQueen
CB&A Realtors - Cypress, TX
Tailored service for your real estate needs!

I really needed this right now.  I feel very much like Ryan feels, completely unsupported and misjudged.  My family is the issue, not my FORMER spouse.  I separated from him for similar reasons, because he didn't believe in me. It's a horribly painful experience and debilitating to be invalidated by the ones you love the most.

Apr 22, 2018 08:32 AM #8
Rainmaker
2,056,425
Elizabeth Weintraub Sacramento Real Estate Agent, Top 1% of Lyon Agents
Lyon Real Estate - Sacramento, CA
Put 40 years of experience to work for you

There is no room in my world for self-centered a-holes who could not emotionally support a termite. Which is probably why I have so many ex-husbands. Had to kiss a lot of frogs to find a real mate.

If your spouse doesn't support you, the choices are thin. You can go to therapy to try to figure out why it's happened and fix it, you can dump the downer or you look elsewhere for support but staying in the situation and doing nothing is idiotic.

Apr 22, 2018 09:06 AM #9
Rainmaker
499,550
Hella M. Rothwell, Broker/Realtor®
Carmel by the Sea, CA
Rothwell Realty Inc. CA#01968433 Carmel-by-the-Sea

Like Elizabeth Weintraub Sacramento Real Estate Agent, Top 1% of Lyon Agents , been there, done that. A sad commentary on marriage.

Apr 22, 2018 12:19 PM #10
Rainer
171,400
J.R. Schloemer, CRS
Kentucky Select Properties - Louisville, KY

That's a dose of reality there. I can't think of much truer words than those in the Facebook post or your blog entry.

Apr 22, 2018 12:45 PM #11
Rainmaker
519,420
Pat Starnes-Front Gate Realty
Front Gate Real Estate - Brandon, MS
601-991-2900 Office; 601-278-4513 Cell

Elizabeth Weintraub Sacramento Real Estate Agent, Top 1% of Lyon Agents I like the way you think and tell it like it is!

Tim, this is my favorite line: 

Whatever your dream is, just do it, no matter how many doubters there are. It's your life and your dream.

Apr 22, 2018 02:11 PM #12
Rainmaker
2,378,683
Rebecca Gaujot, Realtor®
Vision Quest Realty, Martha Hilton, Broker - Lewisburg, WV
Lewisburg WV, the go to agent for all real estate

I am so thankful for my supportive spouse, and makes life much easier when we support each other. I aways loved that row your boat song :)

Apr 22, 2018 02:26 PM #13
Rainmaker
1,417,076
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

It's very hard to succeed in real estate if your spouse - and your kids - don't support you. If they whine and complain about the hours, the interruptions, etc. it's hard to focus.

And of course, if you aren't making the money you need, that's a whole other problem.

A supportive spouse can make all the difference.

Apr 22, 2018 04:27 PM #14
Rainmaker
108,875
Khash Saghafi
Liberty Home Mortgage Corporation - Cleveland, OH
Mortgage Loan Officer, Cleveland Ohio

Great post Tim!! No matter how good you are doing, it is always good to hear again and again. Even though my opinion matters the most, it is impossible to not want the support of those who are close to you.

Apr 22, 2018 04:45 PM #15
Ambassador
910,908
Mike Frazier
Carousel Realty of Dyer County - Dyersburg, TN
Northwest Tennessee Realtor

My wife is my best friend and my biggest cheerleader and encourages me so much in my real estate business.

Apr 22, 2018 06:53 PM #16
Rainmaker
1,226,169
Kat Palmiotti
Grand Lux Realty, Monroe NY, 914-419-0270, kat@thehousekat.com - Monroe, NY
The House Kat

It's a fact that the people who you love the most can hurt you the most.

Husbands and wives should be partners, and should be supportive of each other. They aren't always. And work challenges can be made more difficult without that support. On the other hand, some of us try even harder to make things work if we don't have that support. "Yeah, I'll show YOU!" 

Apr 23, 2018 06:48 AM #17
Rainmaker
1,998,014
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

I cannot imagine not having my husband's support and/or not supporting him. How sad to have to struggle with such pain!

Apr 23, 2018 05:09 PM #19
Rainmaker
2,835,157
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Gratefully I never had this issue of being depressed.... not making money not having any business just fueled me to work harder and gratefully Diane has always been supporting me mentally when I said I am busy she never complained she understood that work always come first for me, Endre

Apr 23, 2018 08:31 PM #20
Rainmaker
355,460
John Wiley
Right Move Real Estate Group- EXP Realty - Fort Myers, FL
Lee County, FL Real Estate GRI, SRES,GREEN,PSA

I am so blessed to have a wife that supports me, encourages me and believes in me.

Thanks for sharing a great word of encouragement.

Apr 24, 2018 03:34 AM #21
Rainmaker
1,530,282
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker and Attorney Licensed in DC, MD, VA,

You have to do it for yourself - because you have to do it - it is the big why in your life - 

Apr 24, 2018 05:01 AM #22
Ambassador
2,758,904
Tammy Lankford,
Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668 - Eatonton, GA
Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville

I'm very blessed to have a spouse who supports, understands and encourages. Thanks for this post though Tim, you've reminded me I need to say thank you for the support more often than I do.

Apr 24, 2018 09:04 AM #23
Rainmaker
670,340
Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtors, Philly Main Line

Great piece and very true, do what you do because you love doing it, and don't try to please others because they are fickle. If you do what you love, those who like what you do will come to you eventually and after 10 years or more so will overnight success.  

Apr 24, 2018 12:20 PM #24
Rainmaker
580,086
Mike McCann - Nebraska Farm Land Broker
Mike McCann - Broker, Farmland Broker-Auctioneer Serving Rural Nebraska - Kearney, NE
Farm Land For Sale 308-627-3700 or 800-241-3940

Hi Tim Maitski I have been to the top of the mountain...and I have seen the depths of the bottom...sometimes in the same year...and definitely not that long ago...and the quotes are pretty dang exact.

On my wall that I have in front of me is a photo of a thunderstorm that I took and a caption that I wrote on it: 

"It Takes One Person to Change The Energy of The Whole Room! Weather The Storm..."

 Mike McCann Weather the Storm! 2018

Apr 24, 2018 01:56 PM #25
Rainmaker
1,161,888
Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi
NMLS #216987, IL Lic. 031.0006220, WI Licensed. APMC NMLS #175656 - New Lenox, IL
708.921.6331 - 40+ yrs experience

Your post reminds me just how lucky I am, Tim Maitski ... I started in this business back in the mid-70's.  My wife and & worked at the same S&L ... so even prior to our marriage, my wife was supportive.  I've never experienced one day since that time that that support wasn't there for me.  I can't imagine trying to do my job without it.  My heart goes out to your friend ...

Gene

Apr 24, 2018 03:30 PM #26
Rainmaker
151,874
Corey Martin
Martin Presence Group - Ruston, LA
Real Estate and Management Solutions

The value of the support of a spouse cannot be overstated. If one's spouse is not on the same page or is not lending support, it can lead to many crushed dreams and a hard life. Thank you for sharing. 

Apr 25, 2018 01:10 PM #27
Rainer
418,738
Dörte Engel
RE/MAX Leading Edge - Bowie, MD
ABC - Annapolis, Bowie, Crofton & rest of Maryland

Dear Tim,

Not having your family's support can be crushing, since their opinions matter.

Jul 31, 2018 07:16 AM #28
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