Confessions of an Old Fart

Nina Hollander - 20 years may seem like a long time to some. To you, it must seem like yesterday. I'm sorry to learn you lost your mom when she was so young and vibrant. By your description, she was a very classy woman, well educated, and beautiful! You have followed in her footsteps. That explains why you are so polished and a phenomenal woman. 

Myrl Jeffcoat - Thank you for the feature in The Old Fart's Group! I remember being a stay-at-home mom and giving up my career at a very prestigious office. I went from business suits to everyday wear and that was hardest on me in the beginning. That was the time when women were burning their bras.

Our T.V. broke around that time, so I was out of touch with the women's movement. But I soon learned to live vicariously though my children. Everyday was educational, entertaining, challenging, and as the years went by, I learned that it was the best years of our lives. I discovered, I wasn't just a housewife, like my mother's generation referred themselves as. I was the following:

Money Manager

Scientist in the Kitchen who cooked from scratch

Storyteller/Screen Writer/Producer, Costume Designer/Theater Manager

Painter/Interior Designer/Furniture Mover

The walker and talker and my kids learned to count steps to the park/lake

Yes, there was a lot to do. I wasn't married to the house, I was a spouse and a mother and always tried to be a Star to keep my Husband interested in coming home early and a Beacon of Light to inspire my children. I think I did alright as an Old Fart Mom. I'm glad we made our connections here on ActiveRain and learn you were a GREAT Old Fart Mom yourself!!!

Nina Hollander - I was raised in a smoke-free environment. Nobody in the family, not even aunts, uncles, cousins, or siblings smoked. My Grandparents started dying when I was five and they all seemed to pass away like dominoes shortly thereafter. Even though my parents didn't smoke, they both died young. My dad was in his 60's and my mom barely turned 70. I have no living relatives from their generation.

Marrying a man who smoked and working as a teen for men who smoked always choked me up. People didn't know back then the effect they had on others. I figured it all out after my husband died at 37. Shortly thereafter, my son and daughter stopped having Asthma attacks. I should have been a spokesperson for the American Cancer Society. Yes. He died of brain cancer, metathesized from undetected lung cancer. 

I do believe many people would still be alived today if they never smoked. Smoking ages people too. You can see it in their face and that nagging cough is annoying. It's a terrible, terrible addiction. After my spouse died, I spent many years visiting the American Cancer Society, reading their brochures, I was an advocate for the No Smoking campaigns. It hurts me today to see all these Vapor Shops open up and see kids with vapors. Hasn't enough people learned by now?

I visited NC in the early 90's I couldn't believe how many people smoked. I asked why and was told - Tobacco Fields. I visited Japan in 1998 and just about every Japanese smoked. It's such a disgusting habit. I don't remember all the facts I gathered over the years, but I once had a visual of what happens from the moment one lights up. Every 15 seconds it described what happens inside the human body. It made me chilled to the bones. 

Losing a parent is hard at any age. But to know, it could have been prevented but wasn't and that Tobacco Companies were making billions and never paid out to the deceased for their addictions is what has been hardest for me to live with. 

Sheri Sperry - MCNE® - I'm just getting to my replies now. Thanks for that wonderful comment! If we can look back and laugh without sorrow, that's a very good attitude to have. I don't get to see my son or daughter as often as I'd want to. Having a long distance relationship with my children has been extraordinarily challenging. Therefore, I don't live by the calendar. I live for the moments we have and quality is truly better than quantity.

When we are together, not a second is dull. It's kind of funny because the tables are turned. When I was so young, I made my kids get up early, I mean before it was light outside. We did our chores before the sun was up and made it fun. How many kids enjoy vacuuming and dusting, doing household chores - well, mind did because we made it a game and a competition. When it came to cleaning house, we excelled because we laughed a lot, jumped out of each others' way, and surprised each other daily. Then we had the rest of the day to explore outdoors and we had a blast!

While it Sardinia with my daughter, we hiked a lot on rugged ancients trails - I was definitely feeling like the Old Fart but my daughter was such a motivator. She kept nagging me in a positive way to catch up, get that blood flowing, etc. We laughed so much and I accomplished more walking there than Texas. We didn't need alcohol because we were so bubbly and my son-in-law is a great motivator, especially because of his military background. Talk about discipline! Yikes, he ordered, I followed and it was the best of greatest time in my life.  

Paul S. Henderson, REALTOR®,CRS, - I learned a lot about life by observing my older siblings. We were all girls - five girls, no brothers. I was the only one who wasn't a pregnant bride. And I'm proud of that too. I remember waking up in the middle of the night hearing my parents have serious conversations about what did they do wrong to cause my sisters to do what they did. I woke up often to my parents arguements with my siblings too when they came home late. Because I was witness to their hurt and sorrow, I made a vow, I wasn't going to be like them. My marriage was arranged by my dad. I guess he thought it was in my best interest. And I did stay married until death did us part, but I never remarried and never will. I'm probably the only Old Fart who never went on a date. Too much info; better stop. I will end with, children live what they learn. 

Michael Jacobs - Even though I did have children, I spent my whole life observing others and learning what not to do and what is best to do. Nobody can or ought to tell anyone else they must have children. I wanted to go to College. It was never a possibility with my parents and the school was no help. But I did attend College as a Widow and spent 20 consecutive years getting degrees galore. Lots of Students Loan I paid off; no great position. Phi Theta Kappa didn't mean anything to employers either. But it was my dream, and I did it and paid off all my Student Loans and helped my children too, without any entitlement from any government agency. So even though I didn't become anything important in the short-term Corporate World, I can hold my held high, and that's enough for me. 

Living by the Golden Rule is more important to me. I don't get to see my children often. I have accepted who they are and I am proud of all the decisions they made. I didn't force them to marry and they are independent thinkers. I promised myself years ago, I'd never make them feel guilty. 

I remember my daughter telling me in 7th grade, "Mom, you're not a normal mother." I asked why, she said, because our kitchen table doesn't have cookies, milk, and a pretty table cloth with candles on top. We have the typewriter. Dictionaries. Writing Tablets and Thesaurus. And! we don't even have a T.V. I looked up at her and said, but are we having fun? Both kids hugged me and that was enough for me.  

My daughter doesn't have children but she has a full life. I tell her, as a Professor (she has a Ph.D) she has more children than me! As for us Michael, we have educated many clients over the years who relied on us for education and knowledge to buy or lease Real Estate. And many had children. My best clients have kids who I can play with whil their parents are making important decisions in private. Why, I have even played hide-and-seek outdoors with one little girl while the parents got into a heated debate over what type of tree that was in the backyard, and who was right.

We have given a lot over the years to others and we can hold our heads up high. These holiday like Mother's Day and Father's Day are all commercialized. I don't allow myself to fall in their trap, nor do I get depressed, guilty, or feel sorry for myself. 

I hope you are doing well. Thank you for always listening to Patricia's philosophy and abnormal life stories. Your comments are always refreshing and worth reading.

Ron and Alexandra Seigel - Thanks! Today, I read your comment. I felt like you were my cheerleader and that made me happy!

Debe Maxwell, CRS - At first I hesitated.... do I publish this on AR? Then I said, why not? I am who I am, and I'm not ashamed. Being an Old Fart depends on ones attitude. 

My mother taught me to clean and do household chores. My dad taught me to pound nails into 2x4's when we built and repaired the front porch, our outdoor benches, and back porch railings and steps. Plus, he let me twirl the vise in the basement. And what I loved best is when we went fishing. He said, just hold the pole. You don't have to do anything, but if you get a fish , just call me and I'll be there. He taught me and my sisters to play baseball too. His advice was the same. Go stand out in the out field. You don't have to do anything except catch the ball if it comes your way. My older sisters were so good at hitting the bat, I watched butterflies and airplanes in the sky!

You're a great business owner Debe! And a very successful Broker too. What I appreciated the most when I met you at Sell-A-Brations is that when it comes to talking business you don't see squirrels in the background. You stay focused. I'm an observer, that's how I found you in that lobby while Lisa Von Domek was talking. I looked behind her shoulder and said, "Is that Debe?" She turned, and walked towards you and brought you over. In this business, it takes all kinds, doesn't it.

I'm glad we had the time we had together that night. I hope we meet again. It was a GREAT group!!!

Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED - I am so glad you reached out to me by phone and posted this comment too. I'm so behind because I have so much to do. However, I promise, I will call you to catch up some more. 

You truly are a vital member of ActiveRain. Your support and understand is exactly what I need, and I think others do too. 

Never in a million years would I ever say as a kid, when I grow up, I want to be an Old Fart. But, that's exactly how my life turned out! I can write about it now in prose and make others laugh. I really do believe, life would be better if people laughed at themselves more and stopped looking and talking about what every one else is doing that seems so wrong. 

Carla - what if the quirky ones were really normal, the way we were created to be, and all the serious, disciplined, focused ones were not normal?

Nick & Trudy Vandekar, 610-203-4543 - I am so proud to know you and call you friend too. I am thankful Debbie Reynolds had that Ringing in the Rain Contest because we talked by phone. I know Debe Maxwell, CRS is looking for great ideas for contests, but let's not forget some of the ones that meant so much to us. As agents, it's kind of a foreign concept to pick up the phone for some "Howdy Duty," type of talk. If we pick up the phone, it better be about business. So, I think it's important to build on some of the Old Fart contests that continuously brought Rainers together. 

I love your writing and your stories. I know you like mine too. But that conversation we had was so meaningful. There are some things, you just don't want to write about on a blog. I can truly appreciate you and your family. It would be so much fun to speak to Trudy some day. I have a feeling, you wouldn't talk much, if we started talking.  From what I can tell, you're both real down-to-earth people with great family stories, like me!

Life is about the connections, the people we meet or have opportunity to talk to. Blogging is just another form of communication. Nick & Trudy I'm proud to know you!

Georgie Hunter R(S) 58089 - Happy belated Mother's Day to you! Everyday is Mother's Day or some type of day to celebrate. Today, I celebrate you. Knowing that you're not impacted by the volcano eruptions, gives me a sigh of relief. It's hard to understand the geography of places you don't know or have never been to before. 

It seems like on ActiveRain, it's all about the market, the market, the market. I think that's one of the reasons why I always liked going to Lou Ludwig's posts. He never dwelled on the market, but was a great motivator and even when I didn't have time to write on his post, he always found a way to get to mine and say something nice.

So today, in honor of Lou, let's celebrate the air we breathe, the things we see, and appreciate every single person who we cross paths with today. May you continuously have joy and happiness.