We ALL Judge. And It's Okay. It's Actually Good.

Commercial Real Estate Agent with Next Wave RE Investments LLC Bullhead City AZ Commercial RE Broker AZ BR 528507000

I recently asked the smart folks in Q/A to assess whether a certain bikini-clad, sloppily postured young lady's public Facebook profile photo would inspire them to refer her business.

Several opined that they didn't want to be judgmental.

Some scolded others for being judgmental.

I got news for youse . . .

WE ARE ALL JUDGING. Every minute of the day. We assess every situation. 
That is INTELLIGENCE. It is how humans SURVIVE.

We've been taught not to be judgmental. 
It is perceived by some as the action of a 'lower being'.

REALLY? So we're not allowed to feel our feelings?

Also . . . directions are relative. 

When you love a song, admire cleverness, are moved by kindness . . . you are judging.

What's the effin' problem?

Just flip your script and find something cool or funny in that horror story. Swamp hair is gross, but fortunately, showers and conditioner exist. LOLLLLLL!

Then, let it GO.

Focusing on perceived advantages/disadvantages vis-a-vis other completely flawed human beings is probably the greatest source of self-abuse. Why would you do that to yourself?

And are we all meant to love everything and everyone, like little airy-fairy unicorns?

NO. We do not all vibe at the same rate, and maybe it's past life or maybe it's just an adverse chemical reaction, but absolute, unconditional love DOES NOT EXIST in physical form.

They say if you want unconditional love, get a dog. Geez! You haven't met my dog. She loves me long time--as long as I'm feeding, walking, bathing, worshipping and playing with her. Otherwise, she has little use for me.
(It's okay, she gives me joy even when she's an asshole.)

One last thing . . . if you're going to cut out passing judgment, start in the mirror. We don't see things as they are but as WE are.

If you could only see yourself the way I see you . . . boy, you'd be giggling right now. 

I'd also probably be grabbing your butt. 


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Jeff Dowler, CRS
eXp Realty of California, Inc. - Carlsbad, CA
The Southern California Relocation Dude

Amen, Candice. It was an interesting collection of responses to your question.

We all are judging, like it or not. Perhaps the issue is more one of what we do and say as a result of that judging.


Jun 16, 2018 05:37 PM #10
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

We all judge and we all get judged. It's the reason Home Staging exists as a business. LOL

Jun 17, 2018 05:34 AM #11
Dorie Dillard CRS GRI ABR
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
Serving Buyers & Sellers in NW Austin Real Estate

Good morning Candice A. Donofrio,

I'm glad Kathy Streib featured this in her "Ah-Ha" moments for the week. Your post is a breath of fresh air because we judge everything and if we say we don't that's nuts!  I had to laugh at Sharon Tara's comment..it is the reason Home staging exists!!!!

Jun 17, 2018 06:32 AM #12
Debb Janes EcoBroker and Bernie Stea JD
ViewHomes of Clark County - Nature As Neighbors - Camas, WA
REALTORS® in Clark County, WA

I think being judgmental has negative connotations because it's become a catch-all for all behavior in which people discuss others in a negative light. The reality is we do all judge, it's a form of assessing situations and people, eg: is this safe? are they genuine? will this be a good exchange? is this person toxic to my world?  In my decisions to avoid certain people, it is a form of judgement. We are on different paths - it's not good or bad, it just is.   Glad Kathy featured this post today. 

Jun 17, 2018 07:24 AM #13
Carol Williams
Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals. - Wenatchee, WA
Retired Agent / Broker / Property Manager

Hi Candice,
There is a difference in being judgemental and being critical.  Yes, I judge people and things all day every day... but I try not to be critical.  I do not know their story and I try to respect their right to live the life they choose.  And, by-the-way, I would NEVER wear a bikini anytime or anywhere.  Why?  Because people JUDGE. 

Jun 17, 2018 08:12 AM #14
Carol Williams
Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals. - Wenatchee, WA
Retired Agent / Broker / Property Manager

When people see me in a bikini:

When people see Candice A. Donofrio in a bikini"

Jun 17, 2018 08:27 AM #15
Hella M. Rothwell, Broker/Realtor®
Carmel by the Sea, CA
Rothwell Realty Inc. CA#01968433 Carmel-by-the-Sea

Don't get me started! Every day someone is trying to tell you how to live your life, what to buy, what to eat, watch on TV, what car you need to have to send a certain message, etc. And if you don't follow the current trend, you are JUDGED to be poor, rich, etc. Even in our business, real estate. You don't drive a Lexus? Well, can't sell luxury real estate without it (not). So we need to be vigilant that we don't fall into these traps. On the other hand, CONFORM to certain things, and you are PERCEIVED to be a certain type of person. Great topic.

Jun 17, 2018 10:24 AM #16
Kate McQueen
CB&A Realtors - Cypress, TX
Tailored service for your real estate needs!

It's true that we size others up and form opinions, it helps us learn about ourselves.  But there IS A POINT where judging becomes malicious and very UNhealthy.  When judging becomes malicious, as it sometimes does, it's not at all healthy.  In fact, it's neurotic.

For example,  middle school mean girls that bully someone for how they dress or where they live.  Or spending our time looking around at what's wrong with everyone else in order to feel more comfortable in our own skin.

I try to remind myself when I catch myself making judgments that are entirely unnecessary, i.e., what someone else is wearing, and ask myself "why do I care?"  If making a judgment doesn't have a lesson or change a personal attribute or help someone else, it's time for my thoughts to move on to something more positive and joy-promoting.

“What you meet in another being is the projection of your own level of evolution.” 
― Ram Dass

Jun 17, 2018 10:37 AM #17
Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
The right Charlotte REALTOR!

A BIG thumbs-up to Hella M. Rothwell, Broker/Realtor®'s comment and to your post! Try as I may, giving everyone a 'free pass' and not instantly judging, is not always possible!

Like Hella, I am tired of people telling me what I am allowed to think and what I am allowed to say! Hey, I'm a nice, southern girl and am not in the business of saying hurtful things but, I do have an opinion! And, on occasion, I don't mind sharing it! 

You're right, Candice - it's human nature to judge. In my response to your question in Q&A, I probably should have said, I try not to judge PUBLICLY! You never know when the PC police will come after you! LOL

Jun 17, 2018 09:25 PM #18
Joe Pryor
The Virtual Real Estate Team - Oklahoma City, OK
REALTOR® - Oklahoma Investment Properties

Bikinis don't motivate me but brains and humor does. FYI, I might just be describing you.

Jun 18, 2018 01:59 PM #19
Jan Green
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Life would be serioiusly boring if we all looked the same!  Yes we all make quick judgements on everything, both good and bad, to help us make decisions.  Great post!

Jun 18, 2018 04:21 PM #20
Beth Atalay
Cam Realty and Property Management - Clermont, FL
Cam Realty of Clermont FL

Hi Candice A. Donofrio, love this post and your honesty.  Whether we admit it or not, we judge. Every.single.day..all the time! I know, I do. I judge but I try not to be critical. I just love your sense of humor.

Jun 18, 2018 04:31 PM #21
Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® e-Pro CRS RCS-D Vets
Big Block Realty 858.232.8722 - La Jolla, CA
& Host of Postcards From Success Podcast

LOVE the quote by C.A. Walsh! (she forgot "Whole Lotta Love")!

Another fabulous post too my dear.

BTW, I love long time when I'm fed, worshipped and bathed too. Men are dogs.


Jun 18, 2018 07:38 PM #22
Jill Sackler
Charles Rutenberg Realty Inc. 516-575-7500 - Long Beach, NY
LI South Shore Real Estate - Broker Associate

I had a friend who started every story she told with, "don't judge me." I finally started responding, "I'm definitely going to judge." The alternative is not only difficult, it's dishonest. As you said, we all have feelings and they need to be acknowledged.

Jun 19, 2018 06:52 PM #23
Khash Saghafi NMLS
Liberty Home Mortgage Corporation - Cleveland, OH
Mortgage Loan Officer, Cleveland OH NMLS 1114762

I could not stop laughing when I read your post Candice!! What a great post. Everything you wrote was spot on. Great post and thank you for the honesty.

Jun 21, 2018 04:57 PM #24
Lynnea Miller
Bend Premier Real Estate - Bend, OR
Premier Real Estate Service in Central Oregon

Candice - you are so very, very true.  We judge all the time on whether or not we want to work with someone, shop at that store, eat at that restaurant, and go on that trip.  It is how we are wired. 

Jun 21, 2018 05:39 PM #25
Mott Marvin Kornicki
Waterway Realtors® • South East Florida • Real Estate Brokers - Miami Beach, FL
Waterway Realtors, Miami Notary 786-229-7999

We ALL judge - everything and everyone. It's often a sub-conscience thing. We see tattoos or no tattoos - we judge. We see short, tight shorts - we judge. We see a walker, cane or wheelchair - we judge. We see long hair, a beard - we judge. Candice A. Donofrio  

Jun 24, 2018 01:26 PM #26
Bruce Walter
Keller Williams Realty Lafayette/West Lafayette, Indiana - West Lafayette, IN

Candice, your post is spot on and refreshingly honest!!!

Not to judge your choice of diction (^_~),  but what on earth is SWAMP hair???   I didn't see anything in your bio about living in Louisiana!!!   ^_~

Jul 01, 2018 06:47 PM #27
PropertyMinder (AccelerAgent)
PropertyMinder, Inc. - San Jose, CA
Modern Tools for the Modern Agent

Preach, Candice A. Donofrio. You speak the absolute, unadulterated, human truth. Thank you.  #Inspired - Tim

Jul 02, 2018 06:04 PM #28
Caroline Gerardo
Sun West Mortgage Corporation - Newport Beach, CA
C. G. Barbeau the Loan Lady nmls 324982

Excellent truth teller !!! And I'm never wearing a bikini again

Jul 13, 2018 04:08 PM #29
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Candice A. Donofrio

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