Digital Dating: Truth in Advertising

By
Services for Real Estate Pros with John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc.

True story: my nephew at 39ish is looking for his ideal mate.  Like a son to me! But he doesn't want to get married, has strong religious beliefs, loves the outdoors very much, doesn't want children, is an extreme vegetarian, doesn't believe in hospitals, etc. 

Plus one or two quirks: he believes in a flat earth, the moon landing was staged, satellites do not exist, airplanes run on compressed air and a minimum of fuel, nuclear energy is a hoax.  Actually, he's a very good kid, would do anything for you at a moment's notice, very kind, respectful, no drugs or alcohol, patient -- loves his family.

A tall order for a match huh?
So he gets on several of the dating sites and meets people who seem to share his STATED interests...

Well, you can see where this is going.

So before he can get to tell the gal that he believes in a flat earth, his first date this year actually FIRST mentioned it.  Now he believes it but didn't before that.  His father is a conspiracy theorist, so you get the picture.  This digital date kept calling ex boyfriends and her husband and humiliated him.  Awful.

The second gal during the spring seemed just great for one or two dates.  Then he found out she had parental issues, was in a debilitating accident, was an alcoholic and loved music on all the time.  She would get crazy on him, hysterical, and he had to end that.  He tried to hang on but...

So gal number three comes along.  A so-called perfect match. All three of these women met his mother and father in law.  They were angelic.  They loved the parents.

The third one also claimed she liked the outdoors but only went for a bike ride once.  She was a writer, revealed very little about herself.  He didn't even know her last name for two months!  He saw her typically between 9 and 11:30 PM.  She wasn't sure about religion but was too busy to study with him as she had other activities to do during the day.  Like  --obsess over a married professor who would read out of Harry Potter books to her every afternoon!

To be fair, my nephew didn't put all his cards on the table either.  Apparently.

+++++++++

What the HEY is wrong here?? Don't these digital dating holes have hundreds of qualifiers in order to drill down to the 'perfect' match??  In practice, it doesn't work out very well this way.  People are writing what they want others to THINK of them or are writing things in desperation to attract any warm body, but not revealing how they really are.  hmmm.

The digital world is full of fakes and liars it turns out.  People exaggerate greatly and don't reveal relevant information.  Some people claim expertise in niches but can't do basic things that they advertise they can do.  Folks, you can fake a written resume too and get into deep trouble soon enough.

People promise things that are not possible or true.  They leave out key facts.  They sin by omission.  This proliferation of prevarication is creating huge problems socially and politically even.

MORAL OF THE STORY:  We need to make sure what we are promising can be delivered and that we can do a better than the 'industry standard' job of it!

There can be a lot of pain, monetary loss, time wasted, license loss, etc. if we don't get our message straight.  We need to let people know what we are REALLY able to accomplish.

On the flip side: we desperately wish our clients can level with us at the beginning so that we can best serve them!  Tell us exactly how much time you have, your budget, any quirks, any contingencies, and what you are truly looking for.

+++++++

And now, for the cute animal picture of the day -- our Peekapoo: Bentley, a throwaway puppy that was found in the woods and adopted readily!

 

 

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Rainmaker
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John Henry
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Custom Home Design

Hi James, I am so frustrated by people who have hidden agendas and keep all their cards to the vest.  Indubiously the projects get reworked, halt and start for who knows what reason, client disappears, etc.  Oh boy.

Jul 31, 2018 03:47 AM #3
Rainmaker
1,695,719
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Good morning John - many comparisons here with digital dating and also in the hiring situation.  I would say read people, their behaviors, and act accordingly.

Jul 31, 2018 08:03 AM #4
Rainmaker
105,638
John Henry
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Custom Home Design

Exactly.  You don't really know who you are getting sometimes until it is too late.  Vetting thoroughly is extremely important in every business enterprise.  Thanks for your comment Grant.

Jul 31, 2018 08:27 AM #5
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Debbie Reynolds
Platinum Properties - Clarksville, TN
Your Dedicated Clarksville TN Real Estate Agent

Hi John, There is much lying going on. Call it what you will but people don't have integrity or value being geniune. It is a sign of the times.

Jul 31, 2018 06:33 PM #6
Rainmaker
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John Henry
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Custom Home Design

Thanks for stopping by Debbie.  I think this is happening all over and digital media is facilitating it.

Jul 31, 2018 06:34 PM #7
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3,580,210
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Hi John- very good post. I have a feeling that for some people, Cyberville gives them license to not be 100% true. And all most people want is for people to be honest with them. 

Jul 31, 2018 07:15 PM #8
Rainmaker
2,960,931
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

John loved every word of this post. First tell your nephew to go in the Grocery Store and hang out at the produce section.... if I was not living with Diane oh boy I could have had so many dates young and old:))) as to the Digital vs the Real Persona... I find that in Real Estate it is so critical and yes there are a few phony boloney's out there.... Endre

Jul 31, 2018 09:29 PM #9
Rainmaker
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John Henry
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Custom Home Design

Hi Endre, neph loves Whole Foods.  Probably a great idea.  

My wife watches soap operas and Hallmark had a tall tale where an engaged female meets a lonely Cowboy on a Greyhound bus headed for New York.

Totally spontaneous event which of course leads to the girl breaking off from her fiance and falling in love with the rodeo minded Cowboy.

Kids nowadays would rather text each other in school rather than talk face to face 'normally' and get an organic romance going.  HA

So...

This just "hit me like a crystal bullet" because the parallel is out there in business and yes if you are trying desperately to assist someone but they are hiding behind a mask your efforts will be doubled and the time taken will triple.

Aug 01, 2018 04:35 AM #10
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Lynn B. Friedman
Atlanta Homes ODAT Realty Call/Text 404-939-2727 Buckhead - Midtown - Westside -- and more ... - Atlanta, GA
Concierge Service for Our Atlanta Sellers & Buyers

John Henry 
Yes - your comment is so true - we desperately wish our clients can level with us at the beginning so that we can best serve them!  Tell us exactly how much time you have, your budget, any quirks, any contingencies, and what you are truly looking for.

Not happy looking for 300K to $400K condos and then the Clients says well, let's go to $500 or $600K -- so much wasted time on one hand BUT I love my job and love seeing inventory -- so NOT really wasted! Anything can be viewed as positive!
All the best - Lynn

Aug 01, 2018 07:43 PM #11
Rainmaker
105,638
John Henry
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Custom Home Design

Hi Lynn,

In your example, you were able to see other inventory which is good.  In too many other cases though it can be a complete waste of time.  Clients have reasons for not revealing everything that they have in mind.  One spouse could be limiting the mortgage to keep the other in check, etc.

Thanks for your comment.

Aug 02, 2018 06:05 AM #12
Rainmaker
625,163
Candice A. Donofrio
Next Wave RE Investments LLC Bullhead City AZ Commercial RE Broker - Fort Mohave, AZ
928-201-4BHC (4242) call/text

LOOOOOOOOOOOONG ago, I wrote a post (since removed) called 'Baloney', about how badly people lie on the internet. It was inspired by someone I met via MySpace who LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING. He fabricated a PhD in astrophysics, claimed extensive radio experience but had never actually been employed by a single station and indeed, one station he claimed to work at was simply a photograph of a station he found somewhere. He also fudged his age by 20 years!
HERE'S THE THING: this guy was SMART. He was chameleonic. He could talk the talk . . . even an 'audition tape' he sent sounded legit and he had a decent amount of talent. Why he didn't just go through the steps and risk rejection, I don't know. The end result was rejection anyway!
People want to believe, just like your nephew did/does.
People think that they won't be accepted 'as is'  so they create lives that don't exist and unfortunately, that attracts more fakeness. You know, water/level and all that.
I know some pretty educated people who think the earth may be flat and the moon landing was staged . . . far be it from me to tell them they're wrong, since for about a month I thought Mr. Fake had a PhD in astrophysics. LOL

Aug 04, 2018 06:51 AM #13
Rainmaker
105,638
John Henry
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Custom Home Design

Candice, thanks for spending a minute to share all this.  I think we also get married to people with hidden agendas and all I can recommend at this point is to suggest a long 'courtship'.  Judging from my nephew's bad luck (and partially his own doing as well) I just don't think you can rely on what anyone writes down or what they actually have in mind.  

The digital world is actually more difficult to vet.  You really have to meet someone in the old-fashioned ways or purely by chance and take it from there.

The younger generation has grown up with their fingers glued to keyboards.  I think it is unhealthy and tends to promote lying about all sorts of things.

Aug 04, 2018 08:05 AM #14
Ambassador
1,685,990
Debb Janes EcoBroker and Bernie Stea JD
ViewHomes of Clark County - Nature As Neighbors - Camas, WA
REALTORS® in Clark County, WA

The danger of online advertising and networking. We can be anything or anyone. Scary.  If he is serious, tell him to borrow a toddler or a puppy and  head to a park. Face to face is the best way to meet. Young women love kids and puppies. :)  

As to the moral of the story, better be authentic about who you are, and what you represent. Otherwise, it's just another bad date from hell. Lol 

Aug 05, 2018 09:15 AM #15
Rainmaker
105,638
John Henry
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Custom Home Design

Great idea for neph.  He can walk our dog and 'accidentally' meet someone.  Should work.

Authenticity is a number one in business.  There is nothing less.

Aug 05, 2018 01:47 PM #16
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Jeff Dowler, CRS
Solutions Real Estate - Carlsbad, CA
The Southern California Relocation Dude

John

I really enjoyed this post, and the not-so-subtle message. The digital age can definitely help facilitate non-truth if people want it that way. Being authentic, in life and in business, is the way to go.

Jeff

Aug 05, 2018 04:34 PM #17
Rainmaker
105,638
John Henry
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Custom Home Design

Jeff, yes, exactly.  It is extremely disappointing.  It is like going into a new restaurant that has an ethnic specialty item but it doesn't even taste like it was made with the correct ingredients or worse...

Aug 06, 2018 05:56 AM #18
Rainmaker
554,350
Pat Starnes-Front Gate Realty
Front Gate Real Estate - Brandon, MS
601-991-2900 Office; 601-278-4513 Cell

False advertising... it's everywhere! In the dating world and all over the Internet. I think I may have dated your nephew once or twice. ;-)

Aug 06, 2018 06:05 PM #19
Rainmaker
105,638
John Henry
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Custom Home Design

I think the dating world has gone completely out of hand.  You have NO idea.

I will ask neph about you... 

Aug 06, 2018 06:56 PM #20
Rainmaker
937,286
Jan Green
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

So agree.  Went to a class by a broker claiming to know how to sell solar panels. Ouch!  Much misinformation and had to report her to the Dept of RE.   Being authentic and providing factual data is an ethical decision! 

Aug 06, 2018 09:30 PM #21
Rainmaker
105,638
John Henry
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Custom Home Design

Jan, it's everywhere.  You can say or do anything it seems.  Ethics have been thrown out.  Thanks for posting.

Aug 07, 2018 04:51 AM #22
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