Are You Listening To Absorb, Or Just To Respond?

Commercial Real Estate Agent with Next Wave RE Investments LLC Bullhead City AZ Commercial RE Broker AZ BR 528507000

Listen to absorb, to understand -- not to respond. Because when you are listening strictly to respond, chances are you DID NOT FULLY HEAR THE MESSAGE.


In this world, we listen to respond. To outdo. To shine more brightly.

For attention. Thank you MTV's The Real World, for making celebrities out of the undeserving. And hell, celebrities with talent boring us with their unwelcome political views. That's a whole 'nother thing.


But an entire generation has now elapsed with people NOT LISTENING. It's practically a lost art - and I notice it daily, on the phone, in person and oh yeah, big time around HERE. Just read comments and answers to Qs. How many times do you wonder exactly what they were reading?

Sooooooooooo . . . can you take a minute when listening to someone else, reading what they have written, to REALLY LISTEN and absorb? Ask for clarification. Let them finish a sentence. I am aware that I can interrupt if I'm not careful (aside from deliberately distracting someone who won't stop talking!). I tend to finish sentences. It's hell being psychic. Doesn't make it less rude. Sorry and I know. I keep bringing myself back to awareness so I can finally break the habit for good! And I get better every day. As much as I love to talk, people do seem to think I'm a good listener. Fancy THAT.

Think about this: Our business is not just a sales business but also, to a great degree, a communications business.


If we can't get into the heads of people we engage/are engaged by . . . how strong of a foundation can we set for our mutual success?


🎵 And all your words just twist and turn

Reviving just to crash and burn

You're fighting to the bitter end

If only your heart could open up

And listen 🎵


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faye schubert
Branson, MO
Living the Branson Lake Life

Listen to learn. 

Nov 20, 2018 06:34 AM #1
Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Los Angeles Pasadena 818.516.4393

Good morning,  Candice --- two ears, one mouth and so much more.

Nov 20, 2018 06:41 AM #2
Ron and Alexandra Seigel
Napa Consultants - Carpinteria, CA
Luxury Real Estate Branding, Marketing & Strategy


Most respond to a few words that they hear, and I find the same thing happens when people read.  They read and pick out what they think is there....A

Nov 20, 2018 07:14 AM #3
Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can!
Red Rock Real Estate - St. George, UT
So Utah Residential, Referral & Relocation REALTOR

I admit to getting excited and interrupting occasionally but am the first to apologize and shut the lips because I do want to be respectful and hear what is being said. Unlike that reporter who has to stand Acosta road during certain press conferences now...LOL

Nov 20, 2018 11:01 AM #4
Barbara Le Pine
Advantage Real Estate, serving Lincoln County - Newport, OR
Your agent for the Central Oregon Coast!


I noticed your comments are NOT disabled, so I did not just read your words, I gave Collective Soul a listen.....Loved it! You rock.

Thanks for a great blog post. The rest of my day shall now be spent listening more than talking....................

Nov 20, 2018 12:48 PM #5
Joe Pryor
The Virtual Real Estate Team - Oklahoma City, OK
REALTOR® - Oklahoma Investment Properties

There is an art to this because so often we are formulating answers in our heads while the speaker is letting us know what they feel and want. I think with age you can master the art of absorption and not worry about the clutter of answers in your brain. Then it becomes spontaneous.

Nov 21, 2018 10:54 AM #6
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster REALTORS®, Gainesville, VA - Bristow, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

I was on the phone with a couple this afternoon who were both listening to respond.  They didn't catch a thing the other said and started arguing, though they were agreement.  They just said things different than the other and didn't catch it.  They were convinced they were going to have to argue with one another, so let the argument begin.  Good thing one of us was listening for the sake of understanding to point out they were both on the same page.

Nov 21, 2018 03:33 PM #7
Kimo Jarrett
WikiWiki Realty - Huntington Beach, CA
Pro Lifestyle Solutions

When you're listening, especially as an advisor with extensive experience and knowledge to a person who is talking about a person, place or thing, it's important IMO to not only listen but dissect the information for relevance and importance and focus on relevant questions to determine the priorities of their message. Too often, people bundle many issues into one conversation, so, interrupting and asking questions for clarification is appropriate, yet, only if and when it's necessary. 

Nov 22, 2018 08:33 AM #8
Mary Hutchison, SRES, ABR
Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate-Kansas City Homes - Kansas City, MO
Experienced Agent in Kansas City Metro area

What really gets me is those pp who say they are listening...while looking at their phone! Or, we are having a conversation..and they whip out the phone! So irritating.  Someone close to me also finishes sentences and it's extremely annoying.

Nov 26, 2018 01:17 PM #9
Valeria Mola
SIB Realty - Miami, Sunny Isles Beach - Sunny Isles Beach, FL
305-607-0709 SIB Realty Condos for Sale and Rent

What a great post, Candice A. Donofrio

Always enjoy reading your blog. 


Nov 26, 2018 02:08 PM #10
Sally K. & David L. Hanson
EXP Realty 414-525-0563 - Brookfield, WI
WI Real Estate Agents - Luxury - Divorce

There is always that "filter" that can come up...hear what you want to la la...

Nov 27, 2018 03:46 AM #11
Debe Maxwell, CRS | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
The right Charlotte REALTOR!

Love it, Candice - I can read, ponder while listening to Collective Soul and write a response that I know you'll read!

I do agree with you on all points and I have to say Q&A is ever-so frustrating to me too. Some get the most 'likes' and their answer is not even relevant to the question - or it's very wrong! I have read aloud some of the Q&A to Ray and often ask, "What is this one thinking?" I think you're spot-on - it's that they're just not 'listening!'

Dec 10, 2018 08:45 PM #12
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Candice A. Donofrio

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