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In the last quarter of 1974 we had a call from the University of California-Santa Barbara. They had heard that we taught a weekend relationship course all over the country that was accredited by both University of California- Berkeley and the University of San Francisco.
They invited us to speak at a symposium during the holidays The purpose of that symposium was to discuss relationships and Christmas/Holiday expectations. They also invited, then NY Times best selling authors of Open Marriage, George and Neena O'Neill, to sit on a discussion panel with us. This was held at UCSB during the Christmas Holiday season.
The purpose of the 2 day event was to discuss relationships and Christmas/Holiday expectations. Not every family has the quintessential happy family scene of gift giving, good cheer and joy. Simply put, the Norman Rockwell Christmas scene was not a universally joyful event filled with good wishes, peace and happiness.
We had friends who went into a deep depression over the holidays, whose memories were tainted with alcoholic parents and unhappy siblings fighting. They never wanted to go home for Christmas, and in college some of our friends preferred staying in a nearly empty dorm.
We walked into a ballroom of attendees who personified the Bah Humbug state of mind on holidays and all its meanings. And many were depressed. We opened with our usual discussion of how relationships deteriorate, followed by how to build them back up providing both partners were on the same page, or how to have the courage to walk away.
We have always felt that in an ideal relationship has as its building block two people who meet each others expectations, needs and desires. Neither one us was willing to compromise, until we found the right person. That includes having the commitment to do ones best when adversities arise in the course of life, rather that splitting up. Our personal motto is nothing is bigger than the two of us! And in the course of our long marriage, that still works for us.
Our co-presenters, the O'Neills felt that an open marriage was key to alleviating what lacked in a marriage relationship.. The dynamic of an open marriage briefly stated means having boyfriends and girlfriends for intimate relationships, in order to full fill whatever was missing in their relationship. The authors wrote, was simply "to strip marriage of its antiquated ideals and romantic tinsel and find ways to make it truly contemporary."
Our audience was attentive and interested in both views. They asked intelligent questions to which we all responded. We enjoyed ourselves and learned once again, that holidays of all sorts in reality are not all wonderful for everyone in the world.
And we fell in love with Santa Barbara! Kathy Streib that was the gift, I never forgot! I knew we would live in the area one day!
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