Is Your Cell Phone Ruining Relationships with Those in Front of You?

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Real Estate Agent with www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 228209

Is Your Cell Phone Ruining Relationships with Those in Front of You?

What message are you sending?Oh my goodness, what a timely find! I was meeting with potential sellers the other day and while waiting for a response from a vendor FOR those same sellers, I felt quite odd having my phone lying beside me. Before I pulled it out of my handbag, I explained to the potential sellers that, if they didn’t mind, I thought I could get them an answer within a couple of minutes, “…and I’ll put my phone right away.” 

 

They both looked puzzled at one another and she said, “Of course, we don’t mind if you need to make or take calls! 

 

Well, now I looked puzzled and responded that I never have my phone out when I am with others, explaining that I was there to focus on their needs. Both responded with a, “Wow, that’s rare!” 

 

She went further to say, “I wish I had that discipline - I am admittedly, hopelessly addicted to my phone.”

 

I texted the vendor, got them an answer and as I gave them that answer, the phone found its way immediately back into my bag. 

 

I received a call yesterday that I ‘got the job’ from those sellers. This morning, we had a quick meeting to review their timeline and preparation strategies. As the meeting was over, she said, “You know, we had dinner last night without our phones. We both realized that we hadn’t laughed so much at dinner alone in a long time. We attributed it to all of the negativity we see online as we read our alerts while eating. I thank you for starting a new trend in our home - I’m actually looking forward to dinner tonight already!

 

Now, I will admit to having my phone by my side during dinner when I’m negotiating a Contract - otherwise, it stays in my office until dinner is over. Thinking about her words, I will say that I can tell a difference in my own ‘mindset’ when my phone has me 'on alert' while in front of others - you’re simply not totally present with those in front of you; you may think you are but, the message that you're sending to those who are in front of you is that you're not.

 

Please take 3 minutes to watch this video to the end - it spoke volumes to me and again, how timely to find this video after just having two conversations about this very subject in the past few days!

 

 

Disagree if you wish but, I challenge you to be attentive of those around you and how YOU feel when they are talking to YOU, while holding their phones - do this for a few days. It truly does send a message that you are not as important as you should be to them.

 

© Debe Maxwell | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | CharlotteBroker@icloud.com | Is Your Cell Phone Ruining Relationships with Those in Front of You?

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Location:
North Carolina Mecklenburg County Charlotte
Groups:
North Carolina Real Estate
The Art Of Marketing You
Charlotte North Carolina Area
Hyper-Local
Old Farts Club
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communication
cell phones and relationships

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Ambassador
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Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

Oh, that's SO true, Rose Mary Justice! What is funny is that they 'think' they are seemingly participating in the conversation. It's so obvious by their responses, or lack thereof, that they are oblivious to us...and multitasking conversations is impossible! 

Feb 02, 2019 08:27 AM #69
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Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

You're right, Greg Mona - it's not confined to one generation - it's across the board, especially in our business. And, I also agree that if we set the expectations going in and swiftly deal with the looming deadlines, our clients, friends, family do understand. 

I love this, "...they erode relationships and steal our attention from the world around us." Oh my gosh, that is so true, Greg!

Feb 02, 2019 08:30 AM #70
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Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

I do that too, Amy Christiansen! I don't think I ever started having it 'out' when we go out but, that could be because I actually enjoy his company! I will admit to pulling it out to take pictures of the food/restaurant, etc. for blogging but, oftentimes, he's the one that reminds me to! It's a matter of seconds and it's just like pulling out a camera in the old days!

Feb 02, 2019 08:33 AM #71
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Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

We went out to a nice restaurant (Ruth's Chris) last week, Kathy Streib - for dinner - the restaurant was packed. Ray mentioned to look at every single table around us and see if I noticed anything peculiar. I immediately turned to the table of 4 beside us - all 4 had their heads buried in their phones. Then, I looked at the others - as far as I could see - and there was at least one person at every table with their heads in their phones. 

THEN, we noticed that the noise level was relatively low for a packed restaurant. WOW! Were we the only ones carrying on a conversation? We could easily hear what the waiters & waitresses were saying...ACROSS THE ROOM! How crazy is that - crazy sad, right?

Feb 02, 2019 08:38 AM #72
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Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

So true, Paula McDonald! It really makes you wonder what our society will be like in another decade.

Feb 02, 2019 08:39 AM #73
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Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

I left home the other day without mine, Anne Corbin. I was in 'panic' mode because I was expecting an important call and had an appointment to get to that I would need my Supra key (on my phone). I went home, got my phone and arrived at my first appointment - no call.

While I was waiting on my clients, I realized how 'tied' I am to that darned thing! While there is so much good use, connections, business, etc. that we get from our phones, we do need them. I just wish sometimes that we weren't so tied to them night & day! 

Feb 02, 2019 08:45 AM #74
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Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

Funny but, it is refreshing when you've left it behind sometimes, isn't it, Anthony Kirlew? I totally get the 'never off the clock' comment too though! It truly is a double-edged sword. 

Training the public to respect us has to start with the public respecting one another first. I don't know how to approach that though - it's like the guy in the video. He's on a mission but, how far is his reach? How far is your reach...or mine? Perhaps we should start an organization, "Cell Phone Users Anonymous!!" It truly is an addiction - and a dangerous one at that!

As to your agent veteran's dress code - I am always conscious of the way I present myself. However, it NEVER fails that I get home, change into my sweats and realize that I need to pop over to the grocery store for something small. Almost every time I do that, I run into someone I know. I'm always horrified but, console myself, thinking that surely my clients are glad to know that I do have a life outside of my business! LOL

Feb 02, 2019 08:53 AM #75
Ambassador
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Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

It really is amazing, Gabe Sanders - it really makes you and your wife appreciate that you enjoy one another's company, doesn't it?

As I told Kathy Streib above, "We went out to a nice restaurant (Ruth's Chris) last week for dinner - the restaurant was packed. Ray mentioned to look at every single table around us and see if I noticed anything peculiar. I immediately turned to the table of 4 beside us - all 4 had their heads buried in their phones. Then, I looked at the others - as far as I could see - and there was at least one person at every table with their heads in their phones. 

THEN, we noticed that the noise level was relatively low for a packed restaurant. WOW! Were we the only ones carrying on a conversation? We could easily hear what the waiters & waitresses were saying...ACROSS THE ROOM! How crazy is that - crazy sad, right?"

Feb 02, 2019 08:54 AM #76
Rainmaker
3,205,322
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Debe, loved the video and I immediately sent it to Diane's Phone and a mutual friend, will see how long it will take them to respond:) I did forewarned them that it is 3 minutes long, Endre

Feb 02, 2019 11:58 AM #77
Rainmaker
375,678
M.C. Dwyer
Century 21 Showcase REALTORs - Felton, CA
Santa Cruz Mountains Property Specialist

I'm glad you got the job.    We don't use our phones while eating - they make my stomach tighten.     Besides, it's rude!

Feb 02, 2019 02:47 PM #78
Ambassador
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Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

It was definitely worth the 3-minute watch, wasn't it, Endre Barath, Jr.? I'm anxious to hear what Diane thinks of it.

Feb 02, 2019 03:04 PM #79
Rainmaker
3,205,322
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

She is too busy texting and emailing has not had time to see it or respond to me:))))))Endre

Feb 02, 2019 03:18 PM #80
Rainmaker
515,638
Mary Hutchison, SRES, ABR
Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate-Kansas City Homes - Kansas City, MO
Experienced Agent in Kansas City Metro area

My husband has a phone addiction!!  I very consciously do not JUMP every time I get a text or phone call. If it's a call I am expecting--or am negotiating like you--then I will excuse myself and answer.  Phone addiction also affects learning.

Feb 04, 2019 09:16 AM #81
Rainer
94,141
Marilyn Holda-Fleck
Coldwell Banker Residential Broker - Westfield, NJ
Personal service for each and every Customer

I totally agree -- I keep my phone tucked away when with Clients -- I think someone constantly looking at their phone sends a message to those they are with -- 'you aren't that important to me'  (of course emergencies are an exception!)

Feb 04, 2019 10:08 AM #82
Rainmaker
978,722
Jan Green
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Good for you!  Couldn't agree more.  I also agree with your video and the level of brain dopamine going on and not developmed in kids yet.  They don't need to NEED a phone like an adult needs it for work.  The video is definitely one worth sharing.  Guilty as charged!

Feb 04, 2019 03:10 PM #83
Rainmaker
790,860
Kevin Mackessy
Blue Olive Properties, LLC - Highlands Ranch, CO
Dedicated. Qualified. Local.

It's always possible the phone can interrupt what is currently going on at hand.  That is why boundaries and do not disturb periods are a must.  Double so for during the night's sleep.  

Feb 05, 2019 09:59 AM #84
Rainer
159,100
Monique Ting
INET Realty Honolulu, HI - Honolulu, HI
Your agent under the sun

I am so glad to have lived a big chunk of my adult life at a time when there was no cell phone around. While I admit to having my phone on and with me from 8 am to 8 pm, it is usually silenced unless I am expecting an important call. I have also disabled Social Media notifications and only check them during down time. The younger generation might have a hard time ignoring their phone, and that is a sad reality...

Feb 12, 2019 01:48 PM #85
Rainmaker
1,679,012
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker and Attorney Licensed in DC, MD, VA,

This is so important.  I know parents who are constantly on their phones, and then complain about how much time their teens spend on theirs.  They don't even see the irony or the influence they are having.  Do as I say not as I do??

Feb 25, 2019 11:08 AM #86
Rainer
477,739
Kimo Jarrett
WikiWiki Realty - Huntington Beach, CA
Pro Lifestyle Solutions

When F2F, my phone is silent and only in rare exceptions after informing whomever I'm F2F with that I'm expecting a call from someone that I must take. Otherwise, I never take a call and all my clients are aware of my phone answering criteria. That's what I tell them before they become my clients. 

Mar 03, 2019 09:51 AM #87
Rainmaker
315,490
Dave Rosenmarkle
Highland Realty - Arlington, VA
32 years of providing fully satisfying service!

I've heard rumors that there is "life after work" and my cell phone is off after 8:00 in the evening.

Apr 10, 2019 03:05 PM #88
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