For a Friendlier, More Appealing Agent Bio, Remove the I's

By
Services for Real Estate Pros with Marte Cliff Copywriting

Your "about me" page – also known as your profile, or agent bio, is supposed to be about you. It's the only page on your entire website that should be about you.

This is where you can brag a little about your expertise, tell what you have to offer, and share some insight into who you are when you're not working.

But still… Even though the page is about you, it really isn't. And all those "I's" can just be too much.

  • I hold this designation.No moe I-itis
  • I've won these awards.
  • I love working with first time buyers.
  • I get my short sales closed in record time.
  • I have 23 years' experience.
  • I've lived here my whole life.

Not long ago I came across an agnt bio that was a prime example. The introduction was 30 sentences long. Twenty-four of those sentences began with the word "I." And one of the others said "It gives me satisfaction to…"

The sad truth is, nobody wants to read that much "I."

The whole "I" thing may be the reason why so many choose to have their agent bios written in the 3rd person.

It doesn't sound quite so self-centered to have someone else saying "Sally Ann loves working with first time buyers." But even then, the copy needs to be a bit more focused on benefits to the client.

OK – What did I mean by "even though it's about you, it really isn't?"

It's about you in the context of what you can and will do for your buyers and sellers. It's about you in how those people can relate to you on an instinctual level. It's about you in how you give strangers reasons to see how you are like them, so they'll trust you even before they meet you.

There's the problem. What's the solution?

A bit of creative writing. A bit of story-telling in place of merely relating facts.

Consider these examples, with the solutions pulled from bios I've written for clients:

Instead of "Jane takes the time to understand your needs," try: "Whether buying or selling, clients working with Jane can immediately sense that their satisfaction is her objective. First she takes the time to understand their wants, needs, and goals. Then she takes the time to make sure they have all the information they need to make a wise decision.

In place of "Bill stays in constant communication with his clients," try "Constant communication is one of the hallmarks of Bill's service."

To see full-length examples of how to make "about you" really come across as "about them," visit the agent bio page at Copy by Marte, where you'll find links to bios on several of my clients' sites.

And of course, if you need a bio and don't want to write it yourself, get in touch. I love writing agent bios.

 

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Rainmaker
1,206,659
Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi
NMLS #216987, IL Lic. 031.0006220, WI Licensed. APMC NMLS #175656 - New Lenox, IL
708.921.6331 - 40+ yrs experience

Good timely advice, Marte Cliff ... as I'm re-writing and updating my bio right now.  Something WAYYYYY overdue.  Appreciate your insights and suggestions greatly ... thank you!

Gene 

Mar 18, 2019 10:32 AM #20
Rainmaker
1,493,488
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Debe Maxwell, CRS I agree - the louder they brag the more I think they're phony.

Thanks Sham Reddy - it's all about creating trust.

Graziella Bruner They also like to find some connection, which is why I always include a little past history, hobbies, etc.

Mar 18, 2019 11:19 AM #21
Rainmaker
1,493,488
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Ricki Eichler McCallum When you take out the "I" it's much easier to be appealing.

Thanks Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi I'm glad to know that I'm helping.

Mar 18, 2019 11:22 AM #22
Rainmaker
3,180,369
Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Los Angeles Pasadena 818.516.4393

Hello Marte - an I-centric anything is rarely eye-appealing. Ditto the other senses.

Mar 18, 2019 11:57 AM #23
Rainmaker
1,493,488
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Michael Jacobs - and yet, some people just don't get it. You'd think they would, because they probably aren't interested in reading other people's "I-itis."

Mar 18, 2019 12:34 PM #24
Rainmaker
632,154
John Juarez
The Medford Real Estate Team - Fremont, CA
ePRO, SRES, GRI, PMN

I agree, Marte, it gets to be a little too much reading how “I” do this and “I” do that. Writing in the third person is stilted and weird. Writing the bio as if it was from the point of a satisfied client makes a better impression and is, somehow, more believable.

Mar 18, 2019 08:31 PM #25
Rainmaker
1,493,488
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

John Juarez I don't agree that writing in the third person is weird, although it might be weird if you're trying to do it yourself. I do agree that the more testimonials from satisfied clients the better.

Mar 19, 2019 07:35 AM #26
Rainmaker
15,458
Krista Jenkins, REALTOR®
Egenbacher Real Estate - Lubbock, TX
Residential sales and retail & office leasing

Here I am commenting on your blog while I avoid writing my bio for Active Rain. I am going to procrastinate, until I cannot procrastinate anymore, and I am forced to do it. I know you undertand. 

Mar 19, 2019 02:41 PM #27
Rainmaker
22,034
Mark Parsons
Lokation Real Estate - Littleton, CO
Beautiful Colorado Home

Thanks Marte Cliff , Mark tends to agree!

Mar 19, 2019 04:30 PM #28
Rainmaker
1,493,488
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Krista Jenkins, REALTOR® Yes, I understand procrastination all too well! But you DO need a good bio - for Active Rain, for your website, for your broker's website, and for all of your other social media accounts.

If you find you just can't do it, get in touch. I write a LOT of agent bios.

Meanwhile... welcome to the Rain!

Mar 19, 2019 09:04 PM #29
Rainmaker
1,493,488
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Thanks Mark Parsons - I'm glad you agree.

Mar 19, 2019 09:05 PM #30
Rainmaker
777,756
Kevin Mackessy
Blue Olive Properties, LLC - Highlands Ranch, CO
Dedicated. Qualified. Local.

I agree about the removal of I.  We use the term "we" quite a lot, as it is a team effort.  

Mar 20, 2019 12:57 PM #31
Rainmaker
1,493,488
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Kevin Mackessy "We" is good - and "You" is even better. 

Mar 20, 2019 04:08 PM #32
Rainmaker
1,636,734
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker and Attorney Licensed in DC, MD, VA,

A spring cleaning chore is to redo my bio. Thanks for these insights

Mar 21, 2019 03:55 AM #33
Rainmaker
937,304
Brigita McKelvie, Associate Broker
Cindy Stys Equestrian and Country Properties, Ltd. - Lehigh Valley, PA
The Broker with horse sense and no horsing around

Good morning, Marte!

I think it is time for me to redo my bio.  Thanks for the tips.

Brigits

Mar 21, 2019 05:07 AM #34
Rainmaker
1,493,488
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Lise Howe Hurry up and get it done before you get too busy!

Brigita McKelvie, Associate Broker It's a good idea to check at least annually - just in case you have something to add.

Mar 21, 2019 10:10 AM #35
Rainmaker
515,679
Gwen Fowler-CRS- 864-638-3599 SC Mountains & Lakes--
Gwen Fowler Real Estate, Inc - Salem, SC
Gwen Fowler Real Estate, Inc.

My English teacher from high school still makes time to proof my bios and some of my blogs.  I dangle too many participles to make her happy.  She makes my bio sound better than I can.

Mar 22, 2019 12:12 PM #36
Rainmaker
1,493,488
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Gwen Fowler-CRS- 864-638-3599 SC Mountains & Lakes-- I think you're the only person I've met who stayed in touch with their high school English teacher. Good for you!

Mar 22, 2019 12:45 PM #37
Rainmaker
515,679
Gwen Fowler-CRS- 864-638-3599 SC Mountains & Lakes--
Gwen Fowler Real Estate, Inc - Salem, SC
Gwen Fowler Real Estate, Inc.

She is in her mid-'90's and still sharp as a tack.  She really loves when I come over with a project because I always bring chocolate.

Mar 22, 2019 12:49 PM #38
Rainmaker
1,493,488
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

That sounds like a winning arrangement for both of you, Gwen Fowler-CRS- 864-638-3599 SC Mountains & Lakes-- . I'll bet she also loves being needed and still respected for her knowledge. So many older people are dismissed as being "no longer useful."

Mar 22, 2019 12:55 PM #39
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