We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
When life give you lemons, freeze them and throw them as hard as you can at the people making your life difficult.
I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's cute. I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.
People say love is the best feeling, but I think finding a toilet when you are having diarrhea is better.
I'm not bossy... I just know what you should be doing....
When I was born I was so mad at my parents I didn't talk to them for 2 years!
Does anyone else put things in a safe place and then forget where that safe place is???
If I can make at least one person smile, or pee their pants a little, then my day was not wasted.