Update: This home is currently under contract.
Today, this blog is being written by a house. Yes, you read that correctly. The ranch house at 202 Mine Road has requested the floor. So here we go....
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Dear New Owner,
I am writing to ask you in the strongest possible terms to save me from my current owners. They are truly impossible. For example, if I hesitate just one second and don't move the waste basket into the exact correct position to catch the ball of paper they throw at it, they get crazy. They run over, pick up the paper, put in the basket, get the spray, wipe me down, dry me up. Oh my.
They are constantly sweeping me, mopping me, dusting me, vacuuming me, wiping me, Windexing and Pledging me. Do you know how tiring that is? They wrestle little pieces of dust from places no one would even see. I have not won a dust-ownership battle in a long time. For crying out loud, they even clean the inside of all the ceiling fixtures. All-the-time. And my friends the refrigerator, dishwasher, and stove are tired of the constant stainless steel care. P-u-l-e-e-z-e.
So where are you and what is taking so long to get here? I know most buyers in this area prefer two-story homes. I know many are fans of colonials. But wow, I have a lot of things they don't have. For example, I'm basically all on one level! You can get from one end of me to the other very easily. Everything is convenient. I have new, smooth, and beautiful granite counters, perfect for running your hands over. And new white cabinets! I wouldn't have known I would even like those but I must admit, I'm quite the catch. And I have two bedrooms with private baths - the master and the junior suite. How many other houses around here can say that? Not many, and I should know. We have ways of communicating.
And now my owners have reduced my price to $320,000 (see here for details). I'm a little annoyed with them, because I happened to look over their shoulder at that Internet thing, and I saw for myself. Many other houses that have the same amenities, and are a similar size and condition are selling for more. I can tell my owners are tired of me and are ready for another home. It makes me sad but excited all at the same time!
So where the heck are you? I know you are ready to find me too. My current owners (the beasts they are) sat outside on the back deck the last few nights eating dinner al fresco. I did hear their contented sighs and know they were happy. You could be too!
I also overheard them saying they would leave two handmade wooden canoes if the new buyers wanted them. I know Round Lake and Walton Lake are right down the road (the boats told me).
So new owners, I know you are out there. I know you are looking for me! Maybe you already came and are one of the "maybe"s my owners were talking about. But maybe you haven't been here yet. If the second case is true, call your realtor-person-thing and get your butt over here to say hello. I know when you see me, you will love me just as I will love you. I have much to offer and I'm getting impatient....
Yours truly,
202 Mine Road Monroe NY (that's me).
Originally published at thehousekat.com.
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