Friday Fetish: how really clever are we with our 'Smart Phones' ??

WARNING: The image below is disturbing...

I remember when these things started getting loaded with apps that I would kid about 'if I really needed a lawnmower I would rather have a separate tool for that'...  and that was flip phone, Stage 1.

Traditional camera companies cringe when the new iterations come out with amazingly sharp photos and colors.  You don't need a separate GPS in the car.  Heck, I have a BMW that still has an attached phone in the center armrest!  Unused of course.  

We take them everywhere.  I still have a 'Crackberry'.  There is a reason they got that nickname.  They were addictive with just basic functions a few years ago, look at things now!!

I think texting can be valuable at times but may be the most distracting and addicting function, next to emailing.  I haven't even started doing selfies and posting everything I do on Instagram.  I do not Tweet.

But millions of people are doing this for hours and hours a day.  I do not post food photos or mall visits on FB. Scientists and physicians are rightfully concerned.  And then there is the 'radioactive' threat.

Coca Cola's contest winner for "No Phone for a Year" is about two-thirds into her ordeal in order to claim big bucks:
"You sacrifice a lot of freedom, privacy, individuality and thinking abilities for this small bit of convenience.”

“I’ve detoxed completely from the smartphone and I don’t need it,” she says. “The biggest challenge I’ve faced in the contest is other people pushing their phones at me. People are always trying to show me their phones. 

“I’ve come to a decision: I do not want to go back to the smartphone when the year is over,” she says. “I have become 125% more productive without it. This year alone I’ve read 30-plus books. [It’s] made me a lot happier, and it’s improved my sleep schedule. I’m trying to repair some of the relationships that I let fall by the wayside. I’ve made an effort to reconnect with people.”

When she looks back on her smartphone use, she is aghast. “I was wasting time. I was basically doing nothing. I wasn’t aware of how badly I was behaving with my smartphone until I had to relinquish [it]],” she says. “I was addicted to it. I definitely abused it.”

So, here is my Friday Rant:

• I don't want a phone where I can download full-length movies.  I would rather watch them in a theater.  Or on TV.
• No control of depth of field or real focal length means I should have a regular camera in tote.  You use a cell phone cam only when you forget to bring your $2,000 precision optical instrument.
• If I wanted to play 'games' that are so content-rich I would rather go to Chuck E Cheese and get a hold of my old favorites, stand-alone full-size video games, oh, including pinball - my favorite!
• Film was invented so that you would be careful and stage, think about f stops, etc. before pulling the trigger.  Your thousands of crummy photos do not impress me.
• I don't like seeing people walking down the street on a phone, completely oblivious to what is going around them, including traffic.
  
• I am going to throttle the driver of the next car in front of me at a red light that goes nowhere on green for 10 to 15 seconds.  We know what you are doing!!  You are hampering the evolution of person-kind!
• I get depressed going to a restaurant and seeing a family of four hunched over their phones, completely ignoring each other.
• Why is there a small stick affixed to your 'smart' phone?  We know you are not solving quantum physics with it! 
• I don't care about the updates or apps.  I don't care.
• You look homeless with that blank stare in your face and earbuds connected to your phone. 
• I DO like the fact that I can call someone if I run out of gas or get kidnapped.  But I can do that with a flip phone.
• I know these things do EVERYTHING but do you really want to rely on this gadget to wake you up in a hotel three thousand miles away for the most important meeting in your life the next morning??!!
• I DO like checking on the weather every hour but you can get that on TV or listening to the radio.
• I hate obsessing about how much battery life I've got left.  I don't want to put my  phone on someone else's to juice it up.  Sorry.
• NO, don't pull out your cell phone like a cowboy and proceed to show me every picture in your genealogy from 1439
• Please don't give us the impression that you are umbilically tied to your cell phone.  It is a pitiful notion.
• I am tired of having someone else ring me up in order to locate my phone.  Make these orange or lime green in color.
• Cell phones are the new elevators.  If you want to ignore anyone anywhere, simply take out your phone and pretend you are busy.
• Please do not come to a meeting and slap down your cell phone on the table, referring to it constantly as we try to communicate verbally.  DO NOT keep the ringer on.
• I don't care how big YOUR screen is compared to mine.  I am not slowly going blind because I don't STARE at my phone all day. 
• Don't ask me to handle your phone.  I don't know where it's been...
• Stop waving your phone in my space looking for reception.  Go elsewhere.
• These phones with fingers sliding all over the screen.  YECH. A keyboard and trackball are the only way to finesse a handheld smartphone.
• Don't hold your phone up to your mouth horizontally like you are eating pizza.  You look foolish.
• Don't lavish your phone with rhinestones and idiotic patterns.  This is not jewelry; it is not a fashion statement.  Oh, you treat your phone to a fine leather case and attach it to something you can write on?  That's like botox on a pig.  You are not a fashionista with your gaudy phone.  I don't put jewels on my hammer or screwdriver.
• Have you noticed how people handle cell phones like cigarettes?  The new iconic image is not Bogey with a cigarette, it is Hilton with a cell phone.
• I like the person who comes into a place solo, sits down and stares at their phone in solemn wonder as if reading War and Peace.  We know you are just watching your favorite soap opera.  You are not erudite on a smartphone. 
• Don't ask to borrow my smartphone.  I don't trust strangers.
• So you want to watch YouTube videos on your SmartPhone?  The only smart time to do that is when you are changing out the wiring harness in your Benz. 
• Don't keep making these things thinner and lighter.  Try sitting down on one in your back pocket!  And they can't be handled as well as a nice juicy burger.
• Imagine how productive you could be if you had only a telephone on your desk.  Think hard.  Michaelangelo didn't have one.  The Soviet Union crumbled without them.  The Seven Wonders of the World were built without cell phones...
• If you are a day trader, I don't want to talk to you.  You will never make eye contact for more than three seconds as you constantly check the DOW.
• And bigger is not better.  Tiny people with huge phones remind me of something I heard from the late 50s: 'big man, little car.  Little man, big car'.  If your phone is 1/3 the size of your physical frame, ditch it for something smaller.  You look silly.
• Stop walking around taking selfies and smiling to yourself, talking to who knows who and sending your photos to people who really don't care.
• Don't gush about the new features on your new smartphone.  I don't care.
• When your smartphone buzzes, rings, or makes otherworldly noises, DO NOT stop talking to me, get up and tell me to wait until your important message is received and a response sent out, etc.
• You are constantly upgrading your phone and how much does it cost?? onethousanddollars!! REALLY??  You can buy a perfectly good Blackberry used on Ebay for $75.  
• Who ARE these people with ringers set at a volume you can hear a block away!??  There outta be a law.  
• You and your Smart Phone are not an island.  Don't fool yourself thinking you are on top of the world texting or following or tweeting or posting when you have lost the gift of human contact.
• And PLEASE do not sit one table over at an eatery and start with your long lost sister overseas at a volume and tone that blocks out my inner thoughts of throttling you!
• GAMES?!  The only game you need is Brickbreaker when you are constipated or have been left alone for over 30 minutes.  No sooner.  And turn down the volume on your kid's gadgets too!  Criminy.  I don't want to hear zoot, blam, zip and swish while I am enjoying my latte.
• Finally: how many times have you caught yourself texting and emailing someone you know very well - for hours on and off all day - to arrange a meeting, ask for information, etc. but could have solved all your problems with a simple 2 minute PHONE CALL!!!??
• And heaven forbid if the NSA has access to every swipe, click and download on our phones...

Am I being too harsh?  Folks, this is all in fun but there is always some truth in the jokes about anything.  One day I will 'upgrade' to the best Blackberry out there with a keypad~!  And yes ladies, those snappy cases and covers are eye-catching. 

And the problem of distraction doesn't end with the portable phone.  I moved from my drafting table to my desktop to find some information and instead started looking at my Stats on AR, then messed with YouTube, etc.   I DID THIS THREE TIMES!  Here I am at the third time, writing this!

Sound off if I've missed a few things here!  Thanks for stopping in.