A Prospecting Letter That Fails - big time!

By
Services for Real Estate Pros with Marte Cliff Copywriting
https://activerain.com/droplet/5l25

If you read many of my posts and/or comments, you know I believe in prospecting – by both email and direct mail.

You may also know that to receive any kind of prospecting letter in our community is a rare failed stampoccurrence. That said, I always read the ones that do arrive.

This week I got a doozie.

I will give this agent credit for trying, by oh my – the letter she sent!

For starters, it broke the first rule in writing prospecting letters. It was all about her. After that, it went downhill.

She began by making some silly, unbelievable claims – while using language designed to impress. Unfortunately, she didn’t look up the meanings of the words she was using. In addition, she forgot – or didn’t know – that marketing letters should be written with a 6th grader reader in mind.

The result: Some people won’t know what the words mean while others will know and think her foolish.

She forgot to give her readers a breather – I read this aloud to my son and should have thought to take a deep breath before I started. I nearly ran out of breath before getting to the end of the 39 and 41 word sentences.

It looks like perhaps she did some editing, but didn’t finish, and definitely didn’t proofread. That resulted in sentences that were garbled. For instance, part of one long sentence says “…figure out your property’s market value is worth.

And then… she came up with my pet peeve: ”…please reach out to myself or my team…”

This letter, with more than a dozen major errors or ridiculous statements, bugged me so much that I examined it in detail on my Copy by Marte blog. If you’re interested, you’ll find it at: https://copybymarte.com/marketing-fail-anatomy-of-a-terrible-prospecting-letter/

 

Failed stamp courtesy of Stuart Miles @freedigitalphotos.net

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Re-Blogged 1 time:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
  1. Barbara Todaro 10/12/2019 04:43 AM
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Tags:
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Rainmaker
1,550,487
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Janelle Ancillotti Yes, it's a shame that they don't either hire a professional or take a class or two on marketing.

Oct 16, 2019 01:27 PM #72
Rainmaker
1,551,225
Lyn Sims
RE/MAX Suburban - Schaumburg, IL
Schaumburg IL Real Estate

wow Marte, she should have not sent you her letter. You're the gal that knows.

Oct 17, 2019 02:43 PM #73
Rainmaker
1,550,487
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Lyn Sims She didn't, really. She sent it to my son. At any rate, she wouldn't know who I am. She's not on Active Rain and she's only been an agent for a little over a year.

Janelle Ancillotti - You have a good point. I just wish someone would teach all of these agents that it's not about them. It's always about their prospects.

Oct 17, 2019 03:55 PM #74
Rainer
146,598
Theresa Akin
CORPUS CHRISTI REALTY GROUP - Corpus Christi, TX

Marte she never sent another letter. She didn't think her letter was that bad.

Oct 21, 2019 06:29 PM #75
Rainmaker
1,550,487
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Theresa Akin In the 20+ years we've lived here, only one agent has ever mailed more than one card or letter. They just don't "get" the concept of persistence in marketing.

Oct 21, 2019 11:13 PM #76
Rainmaker
500,876
Jim Patton
Aspire Home Real Estate 209-404-0816 - Modesto, CA
Realtor - Stanislaus ,Merced, San Joaquin Counties

Great post Marte Cliff .  I also checked out your link and you had some great advice there too. Thanks for sharing. 

Oct 23, 2019 04:36 PM #77
Rainmaker
5,074,428
Barbara Todaro
RE/MAX Executive Realty - Franklin, MA
Marketing Agent for The Todaro Team

Good morning, Marte Cliff when I was actively managing real estate offices, I strongly suggested that I proofread all written material that was provided to the public on our letterhead.... and 99% of them I rewrote.... they eventually just asked me to write what they wanted to say.... it was easier for everyone!!!

Nov 09, 2019 04:47 AM #78
Ambassador
816,252
Mimi Foster
Falcon Property Solutions - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor

Love this post, Marte. Do you solicit these people (nicely, randomly, of course) and offer your services? 

Nov 09, 2019 05:21 AM #79
Rainmaker
1,550,487
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Jim Patton Thanks! I appreciate you checking out the link - and appreciate you commenting here.

Barbara Todaro That does sound easier for everyone. Some people who converse very well simply cannot put words on paper with the same skill.

Nov 09, 2019 10:51 AM #80
Rainmaker
1,550,487
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Mimi Foster No, I don't. I've thought about it, but have never done it. Our area is still way behind times - agents spend money on newspaper ads, but very few do prospecting. They also don't see the need for agent websites, staging, hiring a professional photographer, etc.

Nov 09, 2019 10:55 AM #81
Rainmaker
1,963,764
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Good afternoon Marte - my guess is that she sent these out in bulk.  Throw it against the wall and see if it sticks.  I think that most business owners are too intelligent to fall for that.

Nov 09, 2019 01:48 PM #82
Rainmaker
1,550,487
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Grant Schneider The sad part is that the few agents who do try prospecting around here generally send just one letter or card. But I can't fault them, because before I studied marketing I didn't know that sending one letter and no follow-up was generally a waste of time and money.

Nov 09, 2019 03:25 PM #83
Rainmaker
192,782
John Henry, Florida Architect
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Luxury Custom Home Design

Thanks for reminding us of how a prospecting email should be structured.  Very helpful.

Nov 10, 2019 04:24 AM #84
Rainmaker
539,387
Karen Rice
Davis R. Chant, REALTORS - Hawley, PA
Northeast PA & Lake Wallenpaupack Home Sales

There is an agent in my area who is very well known for having bizarre property descriptions LOL. As in poorly crafted. They are memorable but not in a good way. Sounds like this agent got her marketing letter from her. LOL

Nov 10, 2019 05:49 AM #85
Rainmaker
1,709,147
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker and Attorney Licensed in DC, MD, VA,

LOL - I am getting ready to send a letter to a  certain condo building looking for a possible purchase for two very real different clients- my printer printed easily twice the number of letters I needed - so I have another batch to mail in a month! 

Nov 10, 2019 08:18 AM #86
Rainmaker
1,550,487
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Thank you John Henry, Florida Architect - being helpful is my intent.

Karen Rice You have to wonder why that agent's broker doesn't teach her how to write better property descriptions - since what agents do reflects on the broker and the agency.

Nov 10, 2019 09:38 AM #87
Rainmaker
1,550,487
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Your printer gave you incentive to mail more than once, Lise Howe - now you just need to come up with another letter (or letters) for 3, 4, and 5.

Nov 10, 2019 09:40 AM #88
Rainmaker
1,551,225
Lyn Sims
RE/MAX Suburban - Schaumburg, IL
Schaumburg IL Real Estate

You keep telling us, read & re-read it but no one is listening to you. 

Nov 10, 2019 12:21 PM #89
Rainmaker
1,550,487
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Lyn Sims - that's normal. It makes me feel right at home.

I'll keep saying it anyway...

Nov 10, 2019 12:34 PM #90
Rainmaker
1,709,147
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker and Attorney Licensed in DC, MD, VA,

Marte - I am on it!  This is a coop community that I blogged about - and I am the very tip of the long tail - in other words, I don't think anyone else has blogged in depth about that community so I have 2 people looking to move there - I have had people list there with me. ... etc etc - it is definitely worth mailing to the neighbors again - and again 

Nov 10, 2019 04:27 PM #91
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