TWO EARS AND ONE MOUTH

By
Education & Training with Performance Development Strategies

 

It is true that we have two ears and one mouth. We should listen at least twice as much than we talk. Unfortunately, many times during a conversation we concentrate on our talking points rather than being guided by what we are hearing.

This is not the best way be persuasive and certainly not a good way to communicate. I was on the receiving end of a conversation. It went like this…

I was questioning a salesperson about comparable features offered by two different iPhone telecommunications carriers. During the conversation I pointed out that one carrier had an additional benefit. The benefit was the ability to use the Internet while on a call. The salesperson quickly shot back something to the effect, “you’re not going to surf the internet while you are driving.” Did he hear that from me? No. I had a legitimate reason for wanting this service. When I am at a remote office, I can email something to a client while we are speaking. I do most of my work out of the office. He had his sales talking points and he was trying to close rather than listen to become a problem solver.

In order to connect with others, we have to communicate and communication is a two way street. I think it’s a fair statement to say that how well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others.

For some reason people place a high priority on speaking and presentation skills but do not place the same emphasis on listening skills. Without downgrading the importance of good speech, it would be better for us to upgrade the importance and quality of our listening habits. If we believe that empathy is an important trait then we should realize that is impossible to understand what someone is thinking or feeling if we do all the talking.

Here are 10 tips for improving your active listening skills:

  1. Stop Talking. You can’t talk and listen at the same time.
  2. Focus on the other person. Give the other person your undivided attention.
  3. Show active participation. Nod, ask questions, try to understand and give your full attention.
  4. Empathize. Take a moment to understand the other person’s viewpoint even if you disagree.
  5. Keep an open mind. Be very slow to disagree or criticize. Ask questions to probe for understanding.
  6. Have patience for people who take longer to express themselves.
  7. Nonverbal signals have more meaning than the words. Are the nonverbal signals in sync with the words?
  8. Watch for your nonverbal signals and control your emotions.
  9. Provide feedback. For example, paraphrase with, "What I'm hearing is," and "Sounds like you are saying."
  10. Lighten up. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously. Appropriate humor can help to insure positive outcomes.

Assistant Buyer

Your ability to understand and apply active listening principles will directly influence your results in your business, in sales, in leadership, and in your personal life.  For a similar post on our web site see LISTEN TWICE AS MUCH.

Let us show you how to get peak performance from your team through your listening skills.

Contact us to learn more

or call 914-953-4458.

 

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Re-Blogged 2 times:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
  1. Roy Kelley 12/02/2019 01:00 AM
  2. Michelle Cherie CarrCrowe Just Call...408-252-8900 12/02/2019 03:26 PM
Topic:
ActiveRain Community
Location:
New York Westchester County
Groups:
Coaching and Mentoring
Tags:
nonverbal communication
active listening
two way communication
listen twice as much
peak communication performance in westchester ny

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Rainmaker
1,469,154
Kat Palmiotti
406-270-3667, kat@thehousekat.com, Broker, Blackstone Realty Group - brokered by eXp Realty - Kalispell, MT
The House Kat

I agree. Had the person you were speaking with used #5 and instead of saying "you're  not going to surf the Internet while you are driving" asked "Do you find yourself needing to do both at the same time?" he might have learned something AND had a productive discussion.

Nov 25, 2019 06:11 AM #11
Rainmaker
4,160,435
Joan Cox
House to Home, Inc. - Denver Real Estate - 720-231-6373 - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - Selling One Home at a Time

Grant, so often sales people DO NOT hear the point we try to get across.  If they would just listen, they would.

Nov 25, 2019 07:32 AM #12
Rainmaker
4,572,915
Ron and Alexandra Seigel
Napa Consultants - Carpinteria, CA
Luxury Real Estate Branding, Marketing & Strategy

Grant,

Another wonderful post you shared with us.  We once attended a conference where the speaker tested what we heard him say of the audience.  Many realized that as the speaker was speaking they were already formulating their comments and heard very little of what the said.  A

Nov 25, 2019 08:03 AM #13
Rainmaker
1,992,634
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Brian - it is certainly something to think about.

Kat - that certainly makes much more sense.  Now we can talk solultions.

Joan - active listening is really the key.

Ron and Alexandra A - yes, I have employed that approach before.

Nov 25, 2019 08:18 AM #14
Ambassador
3,857,727
George Souto
George Souto NMLS #65149 FHA, CHFA, VA Mortgages - Middletown, CT
Your Connecticut Mortgage Expert

Grant we are so programed to talk, that we over look the far more important "listening"

Nov 25, 2019 02:09 PM #15
Rainmaker
1,271,923
Sheri Sperry - MCNE®
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Sedona, AZ
(928) 274-7355 ~ YOUR Solutions REALTOR®

Hi Grant Schneider - I agree completely with these practices. 

If you understand these concepts and listening skills, it is like nails on a chalkboard when a salesperson is not practicing them with you. You can feel them thinking about how they are going to counter any point you make, or like you found out that they didn't hear your point at all. 

Nov 25, 2019 06:06 PM #16
Rainmaker
2,995,113
James Dray
Fathom Realty - Bentonville, AR
Exceptional Agents, Outstanding Results

Morning Grant.

When someone is talking to me, regardless of their experience I give them the respect they do/don't deserve.  In kind, I demand they give me the same.

Nov 26, 2019 01:20 AM #17
Rainmaker
1,992,634
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

George - that is it in a nutshell!

Sheri - good point and nothing is worse than nails on a chalkboard.

James -  it is a two way street.

Nov 26, 2019 03:16 AM #18
Rainmaker
5,503,158
Roy Kelley
Realty Group Referrals - Gaithersburg, MD

This is excellent advice to share. Some of us need to work on our listening skills.

Nov 27, 2019 06:29 AM #19
Ambassador
3,962,999
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Grant- I really love this. So often you have a conversation of sorts with someone and you know they're not really listening to what you say. They're thinking about what they're going to say next. 

Nov 30, 2019 02:50 PM #20
Ambassador
3,962,999
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

                      what i learned

                                         Thank you, Grant. 

Nov 30, 2019 07:01 PM #21
Rainmaker
1,992,634
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Roy - thank you.  I hope you are enjoying your weekend.

Kathy - real active listening does take concentration.  I learn that in coaching.

Thank you for featuring me this week.

Dec 01, 2019 05:38 AM #22
Rainmaker
457,002
Tom Bailey
Margaret Rudd & Associates Inc. - Oak Island, NC

Good points Grant! To me the most important thing is to really listen, not listen to reply

Dec 01, 2019 06:39 AM #23
Ambassador
837,177
Mimi Foster
Falcon Property Solutions - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor

All wonderful points here. Probably the best is Number One. Several people I'd like to send this post to 

Dec 01, 2019 08:39 AM #24
Rainmaker
1,992,634
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Tom - true and if you really listen your reply will fit.

Mimi - isn't is really chaotic when people are trying to talk over each other.

Dec 01, 2019 11:37 AM #25
Rainmaker
1,719,095
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker in DC, MD, VA and attorney in DC

I like this advice - it shows evidence of engagement

Provide feedback. For example, paraphrase with, "What I'm hearing is," and "Sounds like you are saying."

 

Dec 02, 2019 04:59 AM #26
Rainmaker
1,992,634
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Lise -  that is a very good phrase to use in a conversation.

Dec 02, 2019 06:13 AM #27
Ambassador
2,105,410
Michelle Cherie CarrCrowe Just Call...408-252-8900
Get Results Team...Just Call (408) 252-8900! . DRE #00901962 . Licensed to Sell since 1985 . Altas Realty - San Jose, CA
Family Helping Families Buy & Sell Homes 40+ Years

I agree, many issues would be solved quickly if we used our ears more and our mouths less.

Dec 02, 2019 03:24 PM #28
Ambassador
3,444,515
Debe Maxwell, CRS
www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

Oh boy! This is one spot-on post, Grant! Having met me twice, you know I'm the listener in the group (you and I both) and I am intensely aware of those who are not. Even when no one else is attempting to speak, they just keep going - it's like the talking energizer bunny!! LOL 

This one says it all, 
"Stop Talking. You can’t talk and listen at the same time."

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!

And, of course, adding humor is a BIG help - especially in deep, key conversations such as those regarding a real estate sale/purchase.

Great post, Grant! 

Dec 02, 2019 06:57 PM #29
Rainmaker
1,992,634
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Michele - that is true.  Silence is really disarming.

Debe - sometimes when people say I am quiet I tell them I am taking it all in.

Dec 03, 2019 04:28 AM #30
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