Here is a subject that causes discomfort starting with the one doing it first and then with anyone else it can rope in. Question: Have you ever heard someone pitch enthusiastically their excuse as if it was the gospel truth? For a person to do this they first had to convince themselves. Then, to make it stick convince you too
Admitting what went wrong or how it could have gone better doesn't occur to the one who is in denial. NO. A story is manufactured and edited using the mind, emotions and five senses which add drama, scenarios and conjectures. In other words a story unfolds! It is interesting to note that this requires a lot of maintenance
WHY DOES SOMEONE EXCUSE?
Pride wants to feed and an excuse is a quality snack or meal depending on whether you want to cook up a storm or just a white lie and be done with it. An excuse is a mix of thinking, blaming, and accusing wrapped in denial, refusals and rejection of reality. In other words: The truth is not welcomed here.
When a person engages their skills bank & commands it to tell the whopper or do the blame deed, it can be over-whelming, convincing & come across as the final word & what actually took place. However, there is something in the other persons tool box that just isn't buying it or wanting it. The person just knows its fishy!
If the one spinning the tale can get you to take the "bait" or argue then they have won no matter how much back & forth takes place. Participating in gibberish, doesn't make sense, I don't get it, fairy-tale, & anti-gut scenarios validates them & therein lies the problem & the solution too. Listen but don't engage saying...
YOUR EXCUSES ARE YOUR OWN
You can say this little five word bomb with emotions, lock-eye or with indifference and calmness either way it goes to work and shuts down the intruder right then and there. There is no come-back! Why? Now the tide has turned and the other guy is arguing instead of getting you to argue. The arguer loses is the rule
The excuse-maker is thrust into his own world of nonsense & then has to look at one of two choices. First, to enlarge on the whopper & launch an all out attack to up the incredible tale that is failing miserably or worse the second choice which is to pause, ponder, consider & then admit or stop the story. Repent?
IF ONE UPS THE WEAK TALE
I am out of there. The conversation is over and this results in a huge look at yourself moment for the whopper-teller and it should too. I leave them to recover to their senses and to obey their own conscience. There is no escape. Excuses have a very short life span. Real good excuses (really bad) die horrible deaths
IF ONE GIVES IN
If the one who is excusing comes to their senses by either stopping the farce or admitting something is missing then I become their advocate and friend who wants to not only help them but to solve the problem and move on. Why? Who hasn't made a mistake and wanted out of it? I treat others accordingly
HERE'S WHAT THE EXCUSE MAKER IS AFRAID OF
1. Embarrassment: We all know how uncomfortable it is to be embarrassed. Enough said
2. Penalty: Paying the price (morally or legally) of the error is not something people rush to do.
3. Pride: The ego has to admit, lose face, assess their credibility and in effect visit with humility
LETTING PEOPLE SLIDE
I have met people in all situations that when something fails or doesn't go right and they begin their "mini-series" explanation the first thing I see is someone who is not loved or cared for. How? No one took the time to correct them, coach or counsel them differently. In effect, they left this person for someone else to deal with. The perpetrator and the next "victim" will have their hands full until this is stopped & corrected
THE BUCK HAS TO STOP BEING PASSED
To tell the truth is painful at times. It however is a short term type of pain with a long-term reward or it can be liberating right there and then with no after-wards dynamics. I just know truth works and is a good investment in every way. If we perpetuate the error we prolong our own loss, misery and gain. Yes we do
HAVING NO EXCUSES
You know a person who gets good at having no excuses has worked up to it. The reward of doing so is apparent and worthy too. One is light hearted, transparent, approachable and pleasant to be around with a character trait that is attractive. The world of NO EXCUSES is the true one. Here you will not be excused but embraced