You Do Like Yourself, Don't You?

How many of Active Rain members remember Sally Field's Academy Award acceptance speech?  She was full of emotion when she said “you really like me.”

Back then when I heard her remark, the philosopher within me immediately thought "Why did she require validation from others to like herself?"

The noted columnist Ann Landers who said “Know yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” Possibly the dog in Lander's statmenet for Field was the Academy.

During the last nearly 20 years, I have assessed hundreds of people using this psychometric tool, the Innermetrix Attribute Index. What I have discovered is far too many people validate their own self-worth by how others like them. These individuals truly down deep inside do not like themselves or even more importantly love themselves.

Now some may think this love for self is ego centered.  No it is not. Rather this self love is being emotionally satisfied with whom you are as a person.  Hopefully as we age we become more secure in accepting and appreciating our own self worth. 

What I do know from collecting my own statistics is fewer than 20% have absolute crystal clarity around their own self-esteem (self belief); role awareness and self-direction. When we lack crystal clarity we tend to engage in self doubt which leads to potentially miss directed action.  Another result of the lack of clarity is to focus on controlling people and situations outside of our control.  Introspection is not easy. It is easier to look outside of one’s life than to look within.

From Shakespeare in Hamlet, we hear or read the words “to thine own self be true.” How can you be true to yourself, if you have a lack of clarity about knowing yourself?

The noted philosphy Aristotle is quoted as saying  “knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Possbily the reason 2019 or any previous year was not where you wanted it to be professionally or personally is due to a lack of clarity.

By confirming what you do well, your attributes or talents (think strengths) is one way to know yourself. Again from my own collected data, less than 5% of those I have assessed know what they do well.  Yet nearly 90% have far greater clarity about what they don't do well, their weaknesses. Does this truly make sense?

What even makes less sense is these individuals who know what they don't do well tend to focus all their energies on improving their weaknesses. I believe this is the "red pencil syndrome." Remember in school all those red pen marks?

Think for a moment about sports.  A legendary coach such as Vince Lombardi was exceptional because he hired the football players with strengths not weaknesses.

So does it truly make logical and emotional sense to focus on your weaknesses if you wish to secure more professinal and personal success?

As one who believes our forward progress that being our personal successes and our professional success are directly to the questions we ask ourselves, here are some questions to ask yourself as you move forward into 2020.

• What failures were the results of taking miss directed actions?
• What personal successes and professional successes were the results of taking specific, directed actions?
• How many of these successes made you feel down deep inside extremely satisfied and in alignment with your purpose, your vision and your passion?
• Were the failures partially or fully a result of a lack of alignment between your purpose, your vision and your passion?
• How often do you invest the time to reflect about what went well, what could have gone better and what will you do tomorrow to make it better than today?

With the New Year just around the corner, now is not the time to hide from these questions, but rather to embrace them.

You and only you can make tomorrow better than today. When you have crystal clarity about knowing yourself and then put a plan of action into place, you will be able to achieve incredible results. Remember, you must really like yourself before others can like you. Do not be a Fields who requires the validation of others. Validate yourself and then move forward.

Graphic Courtesy of Pixabay.co