The Grab Bag Is Back!

Real Estate Broker/Owner with New Paradigm Partners LLC EB #1326335

Hi everyone!

Happy New Year and welcome to a surprise edition of the Grab Bag, provided today courtesy of some ceaseless nagging and whining from old friends - I won't tell you who they are to protect their reputations.

As for me, it's quite the feeling to know that my AR legacy isn't all of my thoughtfully incisive industry analysis, the clarity of my commentary on the issues of the day, or the brilliant insights provided by my market reporting. Nope. It's because I repost weirdly subversive and offensive tweets from a really questionable corner of a disreputable website. And that's a better deal, legacy-wise, than I usually get, so I'll happily take it, and in return, show my appreciation by gifting you this latest batch from Weird Twitter - please enjoy them responsibly:


It's important to remember that everyone you meet is on their own hard journey through life so give them a smile as you pass by and hope they don't find out it was you who backed into their car

Why am I the only naked person at this gender reveal party?

[guy about to invent monopoly]
*looking at friends* i have too many of these

Garden of Eden apple tree, the site of the original sin. Also the site of original wood.

Another wooden ball. Would it kill the makers of avocados to include a different toy, like a mood ring or a novelty eraser?

"Welcome to the future. Let me show you around. Here's the bathroom. This is a robot that we invented that screams at your wet hands."

have we checked all food to see if exploding them makes them into something better or did we just stop with corn

Obi-Wan: Mos Eisley Spaceport. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Luke: Even worse than Space Denny's?
OW: Obviously I wasn't counting Space Denny's.

If you want to be successful, try geology.  There are rocks all over the place. Anyone can find one.


Got one of those laser pointer things for my cat, and now I'm having to sit through all these presentations.

If you're just out of school and working at your first adult job you may be wondering, "Is this really all there is to life?" and the answer is no! There's also back pain.

Doctor: So, what are you using for birth control?
Me: Usually black socks with sandals. Sometimes tighty whiteys...


Do you realize that if real women had the same proportions as Barbie they'd be only 11.5 inches tall?


I bet the worst part abt being an organ harvester for the black market is having to fill the motel bathtub using that little bucket for ice.

The opening ceremony for our ribbon repair business was pretty confusing.

i don’t like asparagus so i take asparagus extract capsules to get that cool pee smell

Interviewer: it says here you’re not afraid to challenge authority
Me: no it doesn’t

Big sisters are supposed to teach you all the important things like how you do your make up, and how to talk to boys, but most importantly to never go into a bathroom stall after someone who won't make eye contact with you.

[christmas day]
DINOSAUR: *unwraps gallon of gas* omg is this-
ME: *beaming* it’s your grandma

In Hell, the holiday season is exactly like it is on earth.

I'm sorry your baby is crying right now. Have you tried taking it farther away from me?

You'll know it's time for a colonoscopy when you don't know who the musical guest on SNL is.

Is it nunchucks or numchucks? I want my LinkedIn profile to be perfect

I remember when I was a kid I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips 2 candy bars 6 packs of starburst and a cold drink. nowadays they got cameras everywhere

Posted by
Mary & Dick

Mary & Dick Greenberg
New Paradigm Partners LLC
2601 S. Lemay Ave. #41
Fort Collins, CO 80525


Data Source: IRES MLS

Comments (37)

Lottie Kendall
Compass - San Francisco, CA
Helping make your real estate dreams a reality

Hi Dick - thanks for the chuckles in your Grab Bag!

Jan 12, 2020 08:31 AM
Roy Kelley
Retired - Gaithersburg, MD

You have certainly provided us with lots of thoughts to ponder.

Have an outstanding week!

Jan 12, 2020 08:31 AM
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Good morning Dick Greenberg - it certainly has been a while.  Great to see the grab bag!

Jan 12, 2020 10:52 AM
Anna "Banana" Kruchten
HomeSmart Real Estate - Phoenix, AZ

So Mr Dick Greenberg are you now convinced that we love you and miss you in the rain! I sure hope so!

Jan 12, 2020 03:50 PM
Scott Godzyk
Godzyk Real Estate Services - Manchester, NH
One of the Manchester NH's area Leading Agents

I take a rare couple of days off to go somewhere warm and miss your return. I guess reading it on a Monday morning though gives me a reason to smile. I have missed your interaction within AR.

Jan 13, 2020 05:24 AM
Beth Atalay
Cam Realty and Property Management - Clermont, FL
Cam Realty of Clermont FL

Hi Dick Greenberg, fun to read your grab bag post again. Wishing you and Mary a great 2020!

Jan 13, 2020 05:52 AM
Kristin Johnston - REALTOR®
RE/MAX Platinum - Waukesha, WI
Giving Back With Each Home Sold!

Congrats on Kathy featuring your post this week!  I can see why she did!

Jan 13, 2020 07:54 AM
Nick Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Realty ONE Group Advocates 484-237-2055 - Downingtown, PA
Selling the Main Line & Chester County

Thank you, so much, I am laughing my head off and everyone is looking at me in the office as if there is something wrong with me.

Jan 13, 2020 08:26 AM
Sheri Sperry - MCNE®
Coldwell Banker Realty - Sedona, AZ
(928) 274-7355 ~ YOUR Solutions REALTOR®

Hi Dick Greenberg - Welcome back!  We all missed you.  I loved the one about the gender reveal. YIKES!

Jan 13, 2020 12:36 PM
Margaret Goss
@Properties - Winnetka, IL
Chicago's North Shore & Winnetka Real Estate

hahahaaha - hilarious. People are more clever than I give them credit for!

Jan 13, 2020 12:42 PM
Cheryll Woods-Flowers
Cheryll Woods-Flowers, Mt. Pleasant Home Team - Charleston, SC
Home Grown on Charleston's Shore

Love, love, love this!

Jan 14, 2020 05:01 AM
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker in DC, MD, VA and attorney in DC

so glad these are back - hard choice between the avocado tweet and the asparagus - but I think hell and Christmas wins! 

Jan 14, 2020 07:09 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Ah thank you for the chuckles!  Seriously needed that today!  Hello from AZ!

Jan 23, 2020 12:23 PM
Gayle Rich-Boxman Fishhawk Lake Real Estate
John L Scott Market Center - Birkenfeld, OR
"Your Local Expert!" 503-755-2905

OHhhhhhhhhhh, I laughed til I cried (but quit before peeing on myself). You're the BEST. Gosh, I needed this after a rather harsh Presidents Day. No rest for the weary. 

Thank you, my old pal! I miss you!!! Had to stop by cuz dear Michael Jacobs mentioned you in one of his recent posts. I've been MIA for months and you delivered just as I came up for air (and after writing my 1st post in eons).


Feb 17, 2020 06:58 PM
Steffy Hristova
HomeSmart Elite Group Tempe AZ Tel: 602.710.8161 - Tempe, AZ
Tempe AZ Realtor - Your Home Close to Your Work!

How could I have missed this post?! Ah, well, today Active Rain showed me your profile in the people to follow, so I clicked to see what you've been up to.  I am glad I did.

May 28, 2020 03:32 PM
Patricia Kennedy
RLAH@Properties - Washington, DC
Home in the Capital

Just wondered back into the Rain and am checking out my old blog buddies. 

This is quite hilarious!

Sep 03, 2020 10:47 AM
Roy Kelley
Retired - Gaithersburg, MD

I hope you are doing well and are having a very productive year.

Take care and be well.

Oct 03, 2020 05:39 AM
Debe Maxwell, CRS
Savvy + Company (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC

Oh my gosh, someone said you'd posted a grab bag post and I found this one, Dick! I laughed my ___ off! Looking forward to reading the one from today! We do miss you around these parts! 

Oct 31, 2022 06:30 PM
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Well what is the old saying Never Say Never again... so I just stumbled upon your post.... now with that said.... another couple years flew buy.... Endre

Oct 31, 2022 10:58 PM
Debb Janes
Nature As Neighbors - Camas, WA
Put My Love of Nature At Work for You

I guess it took you to get me back here. Haven't been around much this year, I have been in Colorado a lot though. :) 

Nov 02, 2022 07:41 AM