The Grab Bag Is Back!

Real Estate Broker/Owner with New Paradigm Partners LLC EB #1326335

Hi everyone!

Happy New Year and welcome to a surprise edition of the Grab Bag, provided today courtesy of some ceaseless nagging and whining from old friends - I won't tell you who they are to protect their reputations.

As for me, it's quite the feeling to know that my AR legacy isn't all of my thoughtfully incisive industry analysis, the clarity of my commentary on the issues of the day, or the brilliant insights provided by my market reporting. Nope. It's because I repost weirdly subversive and offensive tweets from a really questionable corner of a disreputable website. And that's a better deal, legacy-wise, than I usually get, so I'll happily take it, and in return, show my appreciation by gifting you this latest batch from Weird Twitter - please enjoy them responsibly:


It's important to remember that everyone you meet is on their own hard journey through life so give them a smile as you pass by and hope they don't find out it was you who backed into their car

Why am I the only naked person at this gender reveal party?

[guy about to invent monopoly]
*looking at friends* i have too many of these

Garden of Eden apple tree, the site of the original sin. Also the site of original wood.

Another wooden ball. Would it kill the makers of avocados to include a different toy, like a mood ring or a novelty eraser?

"Welcome to the future. Let me show you around. Here's the bathroom. This is a robot that we invented that screams at your wet hands."

have we checked all food to see if exploding them makes them into something better or did we just stop with corn

Obi-Wan: Mos Eisley Spaceport. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Luke: Even worse than Space Denny's?
OW: Obviously I wasn't counting Space Denny's.

If you want to be successful, try geology.  There are rocks all over the place. Anyone can find one.


Got one of those laser pointer things for my cat, and now I'm having to sit through all these presentations.

If you're just out of school and working at your first adult job you may be wondering, "Is this really all there is to life?" and the answer is no! There's also back pain.

Doctor: So, what are you using for birth control?
Me: Usually black socks with sandals. Sometimes tighty whiteys...


Do you realize that if real women had the same proportions as Barbie they'd be only 11.5 inches tall?


I bet the worst part abt being an organ harvester for the black market is having to fill the motel bathtub using that little bucket for ice.

The opening ceremony for our ribbon repair business was pretty confusing.

i don’t like asparagus so i take asparagus extract capsules to get that cool pee smell

Interviewer: it says here you’re not afraid to challenge authority
Me: no it doesn’t

Big sisters are supposed to teach you all the important things like how you do your make up, and how to talk to boys, but most importantly to never go into a bathroom stall after someone who won't make eye contact with you.

[christmas day]
DINOSAUR: *unwraps gallon of gas* omg is this-
ME: *beaming* it’s your grandma

In Hell, the holiday season is exactly like it is on earth.

I'm sorry your baby is crying right now. Have you tried taking it farther away from me?

You'll know it's time for a colonoscopy when you don't know who the musical guest on SNL is.

Is it nunchucks or numchucks? I want my LinkedIn profile to be perfect

I remember when I was a kid I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips 2 candy bars 6 packs of starburst and a cold drink. nowadays they got cameras everywhere

Posted by
Mary & Dick

Mary & Dick Greenberg
New Paradigm Partners LLC
2601 S. Lemay Ave. #41
Fort Collins, CO 80525


Data Source: IRES MLS


This entry hasn't been re-blogged:

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Debb Janes EcoBroker and Bernie Stea JD
ViewHomes of Clark County - Nature As Neighbors - Camas, WA
REALTORS® in Clark County, WA

Why am I the only naked person at this gender reveal party? Lol, lol, lol. Having attened a few of these for family members of late, it would sure add to the entertainment value if somebody showed up in a confused state of naked. Hope you are doing well, and our very best to the fur tribe. Mac and Gibbs say "bark, bark." 

Jan 11, 2020 08:28 AM #10
Carol Williams
Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals. - Wenatchee, WA
Retired Agent / Broker / Property Manager

Hi Dick,
Thanks for another edition of the Grab Bag.  Love the gender-reveal and the self-sabotage ones the best.  Oh... and the one about exploding food. 

Jan 11, 2020 10:18 AM #11
Patricia Feager, MBA, CRS, GRI,MRP
Selling Homes Changing Lives

Dick - Well this explains why I woke up to snow covered rooftops and a layer of snow on the ground this morning! We should always expect the unexpected. Welcome back!

Jan 11, 2020 06:31 PM #12
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Jan 11, 2020 06:43 PM #13
Bob Crane
Woodland Management Service / Woodland Real Estate, Keller Williams Fox Cities - Stevens Point, WI
Forestland Experts! 715-204-9671

Hi Dick,  Thanks for gracing us with - The Grab Bag - and so many smiles.

Jan 11, 2020 10:41 PM #14
Sheila Anderson
Referral Group Incorporated - East Brunswick, NJ
The Real Estate Whisperer Who Listens 732-715-1133

Good morning Dick. I actually almost spit my coffee out a couple of times while reading this.

Jan 12, 2020 06:36 AM #15
Kat Palmiotti
406-270-3667,, Broker, Blackstone Realty Group - brokered by eXp Realty - Kalispell, MT
The House Kat

Haha, these were funny! I can't even pick a favorite!

Jan 12, 2020 06:50 AM #16
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

Oh how I enjoyed this!

Nice to see you Dick....please stop by again soon!

Jan 12, 2020 08:02 AM #17
Lottie Kendall
Compass - San Francisco, CA
Helping make your real estate dreams a reality

Hi Dick - thanks for the chuckles in your Grab Bag!

Jan 12, 2020 08:31 AM #18
Roy Kelley
Realty Group Referrals - Gaithersburg, MD

You have certainly provided us with lots of thoughts to ponder.

Have an outstanding week!

Jan 12, 2020 08:31 AM #19
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Good morning Dick Greenberg - it certainly has been a while.  Great to see the grab bag!

Jan 12, 2020 10:52 AM #20
Anna Banana Kruchten Broker/Owner, CRB, CRS
Phoenix Property Shoppe - Phoenix, AZ

So Mr Dick Greenberg are you now convinced that we love you and miss you in the rain! I sure hope so!

Jan 12, 2020 03:50 PM #21
Scott Godzyk
Godzyk Real Estate Services - Manchester, NH
One of the Manchester NH's area Leading Agents

I take a rare couple of days off to go somewhere warm and miss your return. I guess reading it on a Monday morning though gives me a reason to smile. I have missed your interaction within AR.

Jan 13, 2020 05:24 AM #22
Beth Atalay
Cam Realty and Property Management - Clermont, FL
Cam Realty of Clermont FL

Hi Dick Greenberg, fun to read your grab bag post again. Wishing you and Mary a great 2020!

Jan 13, 2020 05:52 AM #23
Kristin Johnston - REALTOR®
RE/MAX Realty Center - Waukesha, WI
Giving Back With Each Home Sold!

Congrats on Kathy featuring your post this week!  I can see why she did!

Jan 13, 2020 07:54 AM #24
Nick Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtor, Philly Main Line

Thank you, so much, I am laughing my head off and everyone is looking at me in the office as if there is something wrong with me.

Jan 13, 2020 08:26 AM #25
Sheri Sperry - MCNE®
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Sedona, AZ
(928) 274-7355 ~ YOUR Solutions REALTOR®

Hi Dick Greenberg - Welcome back!  We all missed you.  I loved the one about the gender reveal. YIKES!

Jan 13, 2020 12:36 PM #26
Margaret Goss
Baird & Warner Real Estate - Winnetka, IL
Chicago's North Shore & Winnetka Real Estate

hahahaaha - hilarious. People are more clever than I give them credit for!

Jan 13, 2020 12:42 PM #27
Cheryll Woods-Flowers
Cheryll Woods-Flowers, Mt. Pleasant Home Team - Charleston, SC
Home Grown on Charleston's Shore

Love, love, love this!

Jan 14, 2020 05:01 AM #28
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker in DC, MD, VA and attorney in DC

so glad these are back - hard choice between the avocado tweet and the asparagus - but I think hell and Christmas wins! 

Jan 14, 2020 07:09 AM #29
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Northern Colorado Residential Real Estate
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