The Grab Bag Is Back!

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with New Paradigm Partners LLC EB #1326335

Hi everyone!


Happy New Year and welcome to a surprise edition of the Grab Bag, provided today courtesy of some ceaseless nagging and whining from old friends - I won't tell you who they are to protect their reputations.


As for me, it's quite the feeling to know that my AR legacy isn't all of my thoughtfully incisive industry analysis, the clarity of my commentary on the issues of the day, or the brilliant insights provided by my market reporting. Nope. It's because I repost weirdly subversive and offensive tweets from a really questionable corner of a disreputable website. And that's a better deal, legacy-wise, than I usually get, so I'll happily take it, and in return, show my appreciation by gifting you this latest batch from Weird Twitter - please enjoy them responsibly:

_______________________________________________


It's important to remember that everyone you meet is on their own hard journey through life so give them a smile as you pass by and hope they don't find out it was you who backed into their car
     @dreamthievin


Why am I the only naked person at this gender reveal party?
     @WilliamAder


[guy about to invent monopoly]
*looking at friends* i have too many of these
     @itcorru


Garden of Eden apple tree, the site of the original sin. Also the site of original wood.
     @fozzie4prez


Another wooden ball. Would it kill the makers of avocados to include a different toy, like a mood ring or a novelty eraser?
     @SJKSalisbury

"Welcome to the future. Let me show you around. Here's the bathroom. This is a robot that we invented that screams at your wet hands."
     @PajamaStew

have we checked all food to see if exploding them makes them into something better or did we just stop with corn
     @behindyourback

Obi-Wan: Mos Eisley Spaceport. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Luke: Even worse than Space Denny's?
OW: Obviously I wasn't counting Space Denny's.
     @Drytown1

If you want to be successful, try geology.  There are rocks all over the place. Anyone can find one.
     @lilooet

DON'T SELF-SABOTAGE WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE THAT DESPERATELY NEED TO BE FUCKED WITH
     @elle91

Got one of those laser pointer things for my cat, and now I'm having to sit through all these presentations.
     @WilliamAder

If you're just out of school and working at your first adult job you may be wondering, "Is this really all there is to life?" and the answer is no! There's also back pain.
     @InternetHippo

Doctor: So, what are you using for birth control?
Me: Usually black socks with sandals. Sometimes tighty whiteys...
     @AmishPornStar1

 

Do you realize that if real women had the same proportions as Barbie they'd be only 11.5 inches tall?
     @WheelTod

 

I bet the worst part abt being an organ harvester for the black market is having to fill the motel bathtub using that little bucket for ice.
     @glazerboohoohoo

The opening ceremony for our ribbon repair business was pretty confusing.
     @GianDoh

i don’t like asparagus so i take asparagus extract capsules to get that cool pee smell
     @rad_milk

Interviewer: it says here you’re not afraid to challenge authority
Me: no it doesn’t
     @rebrafsim

Big sisters are supposed to teach you all the important things like how you do your make up, and how to talk to boys, but most importantly to never go into a bathroom stall after someone who won't make eye contact with you.
     @mikaplusfranz

[christmas day]
DINOSAUR: *unwraps gallon of gas* omg is this-
ME: *beaming* it’s your grandma
     @fro_vo

In Hell, the holiday season is exactly like it is on earth.
     @Jake_Vig

I'm sorry your baby is crying right now. Have you tried taking it farther away from me?
     @abbycohenwl

You'll know it's time for a colonoscopy when you don't know who the musical guest on SNL is.
     @LindaInDisguise

Is it nunchucks or numchucks? I want my LinkedIn profile to be perfect
     @Cpin42

I remember when I was a kid I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips 2 candy bars 6 packs of starburst and a cold drink. nowadays they got cameras everywhere
     @jaeIeon

Posted by
Mary & Dick

Mary & Dick Greenberg
New Paradigm Partners LLC
2601 S. Lemay Ave. #41
Fort Collins, CO 80525
970-689-4663
www.maryanddick.com

 

Data Source: IRES MLS

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Rainmaker
3,853,039
Sheila Anderson
Referral Group Incorporated - East Brunswick, NJ
The Real Estate Whisperer Who Listens 732-715-1133

Good morning Dick. I actually almost spit my coffee out a couple of times while reading this.

Jan 12, 2020 06:36 AM #15
Rainmaker
1,698,675
Kat Palmiotti
406-270-3667, kat@thehousekat.com, Broker, Blackstone Realty Group - brokered by eXp Realty - Kalispell, MT
The House Kat

Haha, these were funny! I can't even pick a favorite!

Jan 12, 2020 06:50 AM #16
Rainmaker
2,215,047
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

Oh how I enjoyed this!

Nice to see you Dick....please stop by again soon!

Jan 12, 2020 08:02 AM #17
Rainmaker
1,946,893
Lottie Kendall
Compass - San Francisco, CA
Helping make your real estate dreams a reality

Hi Dick - thanks for the chuckles in your Grab Bag!

Jan 12, 2020 08:31 AM #18
Rainmaker
6,158,897
Roy Kelley
Realty Group Referrals - Gaithersburg, MD

You have certainly provided us with lots of thoughts to ponder.

Have an outstanding week!

Jan 12, 2020 08:31 AM #19
Rainmaker
2,354,747
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Good morning Dick Greenberg - it certainly has been a while.  Great to see the grab bag!

Jan 12, 2020 10:52 AM #20
Ambassador
3,164,675
Anna Banana Kruchten CRS CRB, Phoenix Broker
HomeSmart Real Estate BR030809000 - Phoenix, AZ
602-380-4886

So Mr Dick Greenberg are you now convinced that we love you and miss you in the rain! I sure hope so!

Jan 12, 2020 03:50 PM #21
Rainmaker
3,261,496
Scott Godzyk
Godzyk Real Estate Services - Manchester, NH
One of the Manchester NH's area Leading Agents

I take a rare couple of days off to go somewhere warm and miss your return. I guess reading it on a Monday morning though gives me a reason to smile. I have missed your interaction within AR.

Jan 13, 2020 05:24 AM #22
Rainmaker
1,594,380
Beth Atalay
Cam Realty and Property Management - Clermont, FL
Cam Realty of Clermont FL

Hi Dick Greenberg, fun to read your grab bag post again. Wishing you and Mary a great 2020!

Jan 13, 2020 05:52 AM #23
Rainmaker
3,584,435
Kristin Johnston - REALTOR®
RE/MAX Realty Center - Waukesha, WI
Giving Back With Each Home Sold!

Congrats on Kathy featuring your post this week!  I can see why she did!

Jan 13, 2020 07:54 AM #24
Rainmaker
1,093,967
Nick Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtor, Philly Main Line

Thank you, so much, I am laughing my head off and everyone is looking at me in the office as if there is something wrong with me.

Jan 13, 2020 08:26 AM #25
Rainmaker
1,482,737
Sheri Sperry - MCNE®
Coldwell Banker Realty - Sedona, AZ
(928) 274-7355 ~ YOUR Solutions REALTOR®

Hi Dick Greenberg - Welcome back!  We all missed you.  I loved the one about the gender reveal. YIKES!

Jan 13, 2020 12:36 PM #26
Rainmaker
1,154,534
Margaret Goss
Baird & Warner Real Estate - Winnetka, IL
Chicago's North Shore & Winnetka Real Estate

hahahaaha - hilarious. People are more clever than I give them credit for!

Jan 13, 2020 12:42 PM #27
Rainmaker
12,291
Cheryll Woods-Flowers
Cheryll Woods-Flowers, Mt. Pleasant Home Team - Charleston, SC
Home Grown on Charleston's Shore

Love, love, love this!

Jan 14, 2020 05:01 AM #28
Rainmaker
1,917,669
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker in DC, MD, VA and attorney in DC

so glad these are back - hard choice between the avocado tweet and the asparagus - but I think hell and Christmas wins! 

Jan 14, 2020 07:09 AM #29
Rainmaker
1,040,864
Jan Green
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Ah thank you for the chuckles!  Seriously needed that today!  Hello from AZ!

Jan 23, 2020 12:23 PM #30
Ambassador
1,349,257
Gayle Rich-Boxman Fishhawk Lake Real Estate
John L Scott Market Center - Birkenfeld, OR
"Your Local Expert!" 503-755-2905

OHhhhhhhhhhh, I laughed til I cried (but quit before peeing on myself). You're the BEST. Gosh, I needed this after a rather harsh Presidents Day. No rest for the weary. 

Thank you, my old pal! I miss you!!! Had to stop by cuz dear Michael Jacobs mentioned you in one of his recent posts. I've been MIA for months and you delivered just as I came up for air (and after writing my 1st post in eons).

 

Feb 17, 2020 06:58 PM #31
Rainmaker
517,984
Steffy Hristova
HomeSmart Elite Group Tempe AZ Tel: 480-966-9353 - Tempe, AZ
Tempe AZ Realtor - Your Home Close to Your Work!

How could I have missed this post?! Ah, well, today Active Rain showed me your profile in the people to follow, so I clicked to see what you've been up to.  I am glad I did.

May 28, 2020 03:32 PM #32
Ambassador
3,722,026
Patricia Kennedy
RLAH Real Estate - Washington, DC
Home in the Capital

Just wondered back into the Rain and am checking out my old blog buddies. 

This is quite hilarious!

Sep 03, 2020 10:47 AM #33
Rainmaker
6,158,897
Roy Kelley
Realty Group Referrals - Gaithersburg, MD

I hope you are doing well and are having a very productive year.

Take care and be well.

Oct 03, 2020 05:39 AM #34
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Northern Colorado Residential Real Estate
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