You Have The Right To Remain Silent

Real Estate Broker/Owner with Real Estate Cafe LLC 199909023

Listening is an artYou've heard the ole' cliche... He who speaks first, loses.  Have you ever been in the middle of a negotiation, and suddenly, the room is filled with a deafening silence?  Do you find yourself fidgeting uncomfortably during the loooong pause, waiting for someone to say something?  Are you tempted to jump in to fill empty space, or do you silently contain yourself while others yak their lips and spill their beans?

Listening is an art, pausing is a discipline.  Both are highly coveted pearls of wisdom when engaging in negotiation.  The goal with any exchange is to seek to understand.  Sometimes that means you gotta zippa your lippa.

When silence fills a room, practice your pause.  Let others yak their lips while you quietly assess the situation.  Then, ask questions for clarity.  Start with... who, what, where, how, why and when.  Open-ended questions are useful in gaining understanding and perspective.

When fools speak, wisdom listens.  This wise Proverb works beautifully, personally and professionally.  Try it on for size with your clients, significant other, friends, and even your kids.  You may be surprised to learn; the quieter you become, the more you can hear.

You Have The Right To Remain Silent ;-)

Posted by

Melinda Peterson


Melinda Peterson ~ Oregon Principal Broker

The Blessed Blogger/Realtor

Real Estate Cafe LLC


Serving Central & Southern Oregon

Inspired by her love for lattes and real estate, Mel writes from the heart with the goal of creating relationships of land and life, with a latte laughter =)





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Kathleen Daniels
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
San Jose Homes for Sale-Probate & Trust Specialist

Yes,  so nicely said (written) it beats the though of "Shut your trap - just shut the hell-O up!"  We've all experienced people who just keep yapping and it drains energy from those yapped upon.  


Jan 25, 2020 01:59 PM #27
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Jan 25, 2020 06:08 PM #28
Michelle Enciso
Pikes Peak Dream Homes Realty - Colorado Springs, CO
Exceptional Service for Exceptional People

Beautifully stated. I have heard this bit of advise a few times before and intrinsically know this thoough I often find my pride overrides this common sense. The reminder and encouragement of this article helps. Thank you. 

Jan 25, 2020 08:33 PM #29
Debra Leisek
Bay Realty,Inc Homer Alaska - Homer, AK

Lovely Post! Welcome back to the Rain! I look forward to more quiet words of wisdom from you! 

Jan 25, 2020 11:05 PM #30
Mel Ahrens, MBA, Kelly Right Real Estate
Kelly Right Real Estate - Hood River, OR
Customized Choices for your Real Estate Needs

Great advice. In a prior career, one of the company owners had a quirky technique that always made the other side break the awkward pause. He kept several yo-yos in his desk or briefcase. When the pause occurred, he would pull one out and start doing tricks. The other side always asked what he doing. "Waiting for your answer/response on ..." "What is it?" It was masterful.

Jan 25, 2020 11:37 PM #31
Raymond Henson, SRES, GRI
eXp Realty of California, Inc. (lic. #01878277) - Elk Grove, CA

Very early in my career, I had to relay some information to a listing agent that my client asked me to do.  I knew she would be very unhappy.  I know I would have!  Anyway, I made the call reluctantly, stated what I had to say and said nothing else.  There was a very long pregnant pause and I even heard a sigh.  I was quiet.  Finally, the listing agent said, "I know you are just the messenger...but if this is what your client wants, this is what we want."  It all worked out in the end.  Silence does work.  Anyway, what was I going to say? 

I enjoyed your post.  Thank you. 

Jan 26, 2020 08:08 AM #34
John Henry, Florida Architect
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Luxury Custom Home Design

Good one, thanks!  Too often we are excited and gush.  Not the best way to negotiate~!  ha

Jan 26, 2020 10:18 AM #35
Melinda (Mel) Peterson
Real Estate Cafe LLC - Bend, OR
The Blessed Realtor - ABR, CRS

Many of us are tempted to rush and gush John Henry, Florida Architect, but if we hold our tongues, we give opportunity for wisdom to prevail. 

Jan 26, 2020 11:23 AM #36
Cindy Edwards
RE/MAX Checkmate - Johnson City, TN
CRS, GRI, PMN - Northeast Tennessee - 423-677-6677

So true, and sometimes so hard to do.  The silence just lasts forever.

Jan 26, 2020 11:37 AM #37
Dorie Dillard CRS GRI ABR
Coldwell Banker United Realtors® ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
Serving Buyers & Sellers in NW Austin Real Estate

Good morning Melinda (Mel) Peterson ,

It's wonderful to see you back posting in the rain. Love this post on the value of keeping our traps closed and listening! Blessings to you and so glad you are back defining the why of things.

Jan 27, 2020 05:50 AM #40
Paul S. Henderson, REALTOR®, CRS
Fathom Realty Washington LLC - Tacoma, WA
South Puget Sound Washington Agent/Broker!

Like so many others; I am glad to see you back from you hiatus. Glad to see your comments popping up also...

Happy Monday! You have been missed Melinda (Mel) Peterson 

Jan 27, 2020 05:55 AM #41
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

You couldn't have said it better! So true. Listening, pausing is a valuable skill.

Jan 27, 2020 06:44 AM #42
Gwen Fowler-CRS- 864-638-3599 SC Mountains & Lakes--
Gwen Fowler Real Estate, Inc - Salem, SC
Gwen Fowler Real Estate, Inc.

Congratulations on being a Featured Blog post. Well done, and very well written. Thank you for sharing. 

Jan 28, 2020 07:29 AM #67
Diana Dahlberg
1 Month Realty - Pleasant Prairie, WI
Real Estate in Kenosha, WI since 1994 262-308-3563

Glad I came across this post.  I have to admit that although I have the right to remain silent ... it is not always my friend.  My take away?

When silence fills a room, practice your pause.

Jan 28, 2020 05:49 PM #76
Kris Collis, Associate Broker
Smart Way America Realty - East Stroudsburg, PA
Professional Results you Expect 702-574-8102

Melinda, an important reminder that active pausing should be as intentional as active listening.  The key is knowing when to apply the pause and hold it.  Easier said than done.

Jan 30, 2020 03:22 PM #89
Mimi Foster
Falcon Property Solutions - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor

What a terrific post, my friend! One of the very first lessons I learned in sales was, He who speaks first, loses. I use it all the time. But I like another of your gems equally . . . Listening is an art, pausing a discipline. I'll work on that this year. LOL

Jan 31, 2020 07:48 PM #90
Kimo Jarrett
WikiWiki Realty - Huntington Beach, CA
Pro Lifestyle Solutions

People don't want to be sold, so, I don't sell. I simply give my client all the information they need to make a decision to own what they want. To do that I must ask a lot of questions to determine what their goals and objectives are, why it's important and how soon they want to achieve their goals?

I provide up to 3 solutions and make a recommendation and let them determine which solution works best for them. No silence, just a decision. 

Jan 31, 2020 09:06 PM #91
Mary Hutchison, SRES, ABR
Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate-Kansas City Homes - Kansas City, MO
Experienced Agent in Kansas City Metro area

Going silent can be a very effective tool!  I've used it with other agents...and with sellers!  Esp when asked to cut my commission!

Feb 03, 2020 07:07 AM #92
Ricardo Mello
Manhattan Miami Real Estate - Manhattan, NY
Manhattan & Miami Real Estate Agent


Feb 05, 2020 07:15 PM #93
Jan Green
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

So so true!  Not everyone can handle the "pause!"

Feb 06, 2020 03:23 PM #94
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Melinda (Mel) Peterson

The Blessed Realtor - ABR, CRS
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