Who I call “My Most Valued Partner In Crime” my Irene Coleman, who helps me in so many countless ways in managing the Shelter we serve, simply does not like it when our Guys awake to the News on television. She says “this is such a bad habit and just not good for them!”
Well, this morning the bad habit she fusses every Tuesday morning about affected me so deeply. The funny thing about afflicted pain, it can haunt a life indefinitely!
Disclaimer: I am about to share a very true story, which may be painful to the Participants and Ancillary Individuals. If You (and You know who You are) do not think you can handle what I am about to share, please read no further. My words can be like a piercing 2-edge sword stabbing deeply into the Soul. It is never my intention to hurt anyone, but what I am about to share is going to hurt. It is my hope it may save lives while creating some Good Parenting Decisions, and delivering some from bad relationships affecting their full lives.
This morning was a confirmation, I need to get out of the habit of watching the News first thing in the morning. The Lead story was about two separate very tragic events in Chicago, involving Children discovering and playing with guns like they were toys with very bad results. It brought to memory something a Little Boy I know very well experienced some 54 years ago.
He was just 6 years old when he learned some very valuable life lessons. While His Parents were probably attending a social event with friends, his Older Siblings did what children do when they are too smart and inquisitive for their own good.
Two Sons, discovered their Father’s gun collection, thought to be safe in a storage trunk secured by a lock.
Parents, please if you keep guns in your home assume your Children are smarter and craftier than you think they are. While you are away, distracted, or asleep, their natural curiosity will cause them to play to the extent it could kill them. Please make it a 3 to 4-step process to get access to your loaded gun.
This 6 year old skinny little Boy found his older two Siblings playing with the guns. He so feared their constant bullying, he said not a word. His look probably spoke they should not being doing this. He said not a word when he found a gun pointed at and touching his temple hearing the words “Tell on us, we will use this on you!”
His Parents returned home from probably a party. He didn’t quite understand his Father’s intoxication at such a young age, probably chosing the wrong moment to inform, plus tremendously feared this Man from previous encounters with His pure evilness.
The craving for His Father’s approval, mustered the courage to whisper to him privately in a very scared timid voice “Maybe you should look at your guns?” His Father said “what are you saying to me?” The frightened very thin Boy uttered nothing more.
Yelling down the hall he heard his Father call out to the older Siblings “you been playing in my guns?” Their response was “No he just lying to you on us!”
Never bothering to check probably due to the amount of alcohol in his system, he turns back to the younger Son, snatches his belt from around his waist and begins to whip him in what feels like within an inch of his life. Un-sympathizing Master beating his little innocent Slave Boy.
It was a whipping penetrating the flesh all the way to the very bottom of the Soul. So many lessons were taught in this whipping.
Lessons like, Life will never be fair! Others will lie on you and the very One who is supposed to believe You or in You will believe them! You, count on being mistreated, so find the strength now to endure it! The One who is supposed to love You the most, is the One to daily avoid loving You at all cost! You are an inconvenient Burden, Unwanted, the punching bag to use to relieve Himself on, when the hardships of life overwhelm Him. The One who gave You Life, who should love You the most, has no unconditional love to give You. His form of love is providing the basics for You and making You daily feel guilty about it, finding any excuse to discipline You, physically and verbally tear You down while believing He is doing what is best for You. Count on Him for no praise, no encouragement, no celebrating any good thing You do. Look for Him to go on a mission to destroy any once of self-esteem if anyone dares to give You recognition in His presence.
Oh, that whipping was the first of many nails hammered in the coffin of knowing this Man as nothing resembling a Dad or a Father, only a Man who’s home this constantly trembling Son had to live in until He could make it up and out of there on His own as fast as He could.
What made this first of many unfair whippings so significant, was the Father unconditionally took the word of His older two Sons, never checking His gun collection, a costly and near deadly mistake.
The mistreated Son had to put the puzzle together because nothing was said to Him directly, definitely not an apology. The still much wounded Son a couple of days later remembering a world stopping phone call to house.
The call was about this Man’s eldest Son carrying around His Father’s loaded gun accidentally shooting his Cousin with it. The whipped very hurt Boy punished for warning His Father walked in the Kitchen during the call. He made eye contact with His Father, the perfect moment to say “Son I made a big mistake and I am sorry!”
Instead, His Father does the expected. He rushes out the house to face the legal circumstances this incident creates. Fortunately, the cousin was shot in the leg and recovered. The sacrificial little 6 year old Boy learned yet another big lesson.
A lesson like, don’t ever look for this Man to ever apologize for his mistakes. His providing for and raising your sorry worthless Soul should be worth far more to You than an apology owed you. Daily, prepare yourself encounters with him will result in lots more unfair whippings, so be about being as invisible as possible while figuring out how to please or deal with Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, and the worst of the 3-personalities, Mr. Hungover. Know, it is his mindset, teaching Life’s unfairness this way, He believes is for your own good.
Imagine a 6 year old being all the time startled by such bad Parenting, having to quickly rap his mind around these Life lessons so early. The growing up story of a constantly intimidated little Boy’s burden to bear for the remainder of his year’s in this Man’s home.
Add to the fact of never ever being allowed to address a severe alcohol problem, taught this repeatedly alarmed little Boy to speedily learn about the hardships of life sent to His Life to make him, endure managing severe pain as a natural process of maturing to become very protective of his terminally bruised fenced Soul!
This story about a little Boy who suffered growing up a never ending lesion afflicting his soul is My Story!
My Story is about a very sensitive Boy who when he tried to tell others about his wounds found no one to understand His Pain. He was told by the Loved-One's He believe had the most influence over this Man "Boy be thankful your "Dad" works so hard to provide a roof or your head, or just forgive your "Dad" by another.
This Man's youngest Son at the time simply taught himself how to keep it to himself internally dealing with all the Pain. The only fun part of dealing with the pain was fantasizing all the creative ways to do away with this Man. No Offspring should be driven to think this way!
As an Adult, when this Media is used as a healing tool to help someone maybe going through even a more greater level of Pain they, are trying to internally deal with it, even the closest Love-Ones will express “you know this Relative read your story and was very hurt by it!”
What I was denied as a Child, I am denied as an Adult. I am not allowed to express the hurt of mistreatment without being made to feel I am wrong or guilty for expressing it. My writing I am told hurts significant others more than it can be considered as a tool to help, so they prefer I keep it to myself and manage it the way I have taught myself to do internally.
Now, I want to ask an additional favor of you! When you see anyone experiencing Homelessness, or Begging in the streets, please picture in your mind My Story only, about someone not as strong as me. Picture them having an even worst Father making them feel they are worth less than nothing.
Often, I observe the Guys I serve just leave lose chain on the gym floor. I will pick it up, placing it in the hand of the Guy nearest to me saying “this may be just enough to make a dollar! I look in their eyes all the way to their Soul. I see, they leave change on the floor because deep inside they believe they are worth less.
I thank God I am Called to be there to demonstrate love, showing them they are worth to the World far more than they can dream of being priceless to the World.
This morning I saw on the News something heartbreaking, devastatingly affecting two families for the remainder of their lives. Something so unnecessary when the proper precautions are implemented.