Just Say No!
or A Cautionary Tale
There are real dangers to allowing amateurs do the work of professionals. As your wife comes toward you with those scissors, just say no! Circa 1982, Edwin Teller, the scientist, gave a speech I attended regarding Star Wars. (how is that for a non-sequitur?). Not the movie with the Wookie, but the national defense program being debated at the time. I recall little of the speech, but I remember the man, or should I say, I remember his eyebrows (see here).
They were like nothing I had ever seen; wild, bushy and full of gray hair. They were magnificent and, I thought, made him look distinguished. Definitely, worth while to emulate. I wanted to age into brows like that.
Years later, my eyebrows began to fill in nicely or so I thought. I recognized that I had a real problem somewhere near my 45th birthday. I kid you not, I received three nose hair trimmers as gifts that year. It turns out that I had two real problems. And my wife, Mary Margaret, did not see my eyebrows as Telleresque, she saw me like this.
Mary Margaret (MM) is a solid negotiator. She was the first person that defined social distancing in terms that I understood. Either we shape those eyebrows or you can spend your time in your precious shed. Out came the tweezers! By the third, maybe the fourth, pulled hair, I was done. She wasn't, but I was. I am not really proud to say this, but IT HURT! Besides, her working with metal objects near my eyes with her poor eyesight did not sit well with me. She wasn't even wearing her glasses. Social distancing would be preferable.
BTW- Do you know why guys only get one ear pierced? After one needle through the ear, they are done too!
Anyway, after a little time and a lot more negotiating, I agreed to allow MM to gently sculpt my eyebrows (well, maybe it was a monobrow) with my razor. I know what you are thinking. If I did not like her near my eyes with a metal instrument, how could I let her near my eyes with a very sharp metal instrument? Well, I am a real estate agent, therefore a great negotiator. I made her put her glasses on!
The work began and, much to her credit, she focused intently on the job at hand. She would shape a little, then sit back and assess her work. It was going pretty well, according to her. She trimmed a second time. Even better, she said! MM made her last little adjustment and......her expression changed drastically. It was a look somewhere between horror and hysteria. I thought, that is strange, I don't feel any blood. She was speechless. I hurriedly made my way to the mirror. I no longer had one magnificent monobrow. I also did not have two distinct eyebrows. I had one perfectly shaped eyebrow and one half of another. Try to explain THAT to your friends. Talk about social distancing!
Please, even in these difficult times, do not let any amateurs near your hair or your face. Social distance is your friend in this regard. Trust me, just say NO!
Those nose trimmer things, though. They work! Maybe the subject of my next blog?
Thank you Joan Cox for inspiring me to write about this incident that we no longer discuss in our household. :o) For a little humor from Joan, take a look at Is it Sunday?
Cautionary Tale #2
