I would like to announce that I was out saving lives this morning. Yep, I entered Martins from the door on the total opposite side of the building from car. I almost made the mistake of entering through the door I parked by (because of an ankle injury), but thank God for the rent-a-cop yelling at me from across the parking lot, "Enter on the other end of the building!" Huh? Surprised, I gathered myself and hobbled the length of the building to the newly crowned entrance. Whew, that was a close one. I am sure I was about to come within 4' of a 95-year-old compromised immune system gentleman rolling out of the building on one of those motorized carts that had been thoroughly sanitized. At least he would be coming out the correct door.
Thankful that I had corrected my path and was now entering the correct door, I found myself wondering how the virus knows which door I entered or exited? Now in the entry of the correct side, I could not tell which carts were safe to touch. They were not marked, nobody was cleaning them, and having entered the correct door and knowing that I was saving lives, I was faced with the possibility of grabbing a cart that had not been thoroughly sanitized. What if the last guy who came through coughed on the carts, whipped his hands on the rail outside and touched the handle, or worse yet, blew his nose and didn't enter a human sanitizing cubicle to be sanitized top to bottom. My entering the correct door now could be for naught. I could be carrying the virus without knowing it. I took a chance and grabbed a cart that was nearby and proceeded with my minor shopping trip. Little did I know that I would encounter the wrath of the Martin's staff again.
While looking at products on the shelf, I failed to notice the arrows on the floor. I inadvertently stepped into an aisle to pick up a product. It was a few feet down the aisle, almost within reach, but the arrows were heading away from the product. But it was right there, right there! Apparently, if we walk in a certain direction, the virus cannot get on us. As confusing as it was to me, I can only imagine that a virus that came out of a bat’s butt would get more confused. I do have confidence that the wizards of retail at Martins know how to deal with these things, so I went down the next aisle, looped around and came to the end of the aisle I had just left, and picked up my item. Whew, I dodged another dangerous contact with the virus.
Shopping is like an episode of American Ninja now days. Well, I finally collected my goods and headed to the checkout. Again, I could only go one way, but this time, I was ready! I followed the arrows, waited for the young man to tell me it was OK to put my stuff on the empty belt, paid for my stuff, and headed for the door. Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice ring out, "Turn around, you're going the wrong way!" There was my friend, the rent-a-cop. Ironically, I was headed toward my car, but this new system at Martins requires that you get your exercise while shopping. So, you are required to park across the street at a local hair salon that is currently closed and dodge cars and trucks while making your way to the correct door at Martins. That is a sneaky way to get us to exercise. Fortunately, I learned that the door we enter, the arrows we follow and the door we exit saves lives. You are welcome, America. Did I mention there were probably five people in the store while I was there? They were mostly older folks. Who knows, they may have been in there for days. Those arrows just kind of sneak up on you while you are distracted by the products on the shelf. I have a feeling the rest of the shoppers got distracted at the hair salon across the street because they need a haircut.