I very seldom talk or bring up the past. In my years of living I concentrate on today and usually nothing else. So today an exception.
This past week I have been thinking a lot about my late father. Born in 1927 and died at 44 years of age in Feb.1971. He never talked about himself or much of anything at all. Typical for his generation to grow up, serve during WW2, get married and work. He seemed like a nice guy when I was age 5 to 12. Taught me how to do things around a house, how to play basketball and his favorite ( and mine), baseball. We never really talked about life, love, pain, loss, anything of a personal nature.
By age 12-13 I was turning into some punk rebel kid hanging out with older kids who wore leather jackets and smoked, drank, etc. My dad stopped being a dad at this time. I guess he didn't know what to say or do. His way to handle me was to yell, hit, and leave.
At age 14, he did leave for over 2 years and didn't tell my mother or me where he was. My mother tried to find him to get back together and finally did.
I on the other hand had had enough family life and started living on my own at 14. I saw my parents maybe 6 times until I was 18. Was having way too much fun in SF. at the time.
I received my draft notice on Xmas Eve 1965 and was soon in the military. After 2 tours in Viet Nam I came home "changed" I shut myself off from everyone, turned "hard" and "cold". Destroyed my first marriage, found drugs and alcohol, and worked around the clock, so i wouldn't have to think or feel anything.
2 months before my Dad died (heart attack- pneumonia) he asked to talk to me. Out of nowhere he tells me about his life; how he road the rails during the Great Depression, worked out in the ocean on fishing boats at 16, was signed with The Saint Louis Browns, as a first baseman at 17, and was in the Navy by 18. He told me in detail about the Battle of Okinawa in 1944 where his 12" gun station was hit with a Kamikaze and watched many of his friends perish. And so on....
He had never talked about himself until this day. I have come to terms with many things with regards to my dad. He saw himself in me and my behavior, only his generation was not allowed to talk or process anything. I have had some great talks with him at his grave over the years and for some reason this Father's Day I miss him. It seems that he is with me these past years more now than when he was alive. He was a pretty good dad after all......
And I have written way too much about this--------Happy Fathers Day to all.
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