How to inspire commitment in 3 powerful steps

Industry Observer with Justine Mfulama

If you are reading this then chances are that you are seeing a great guy, started investing in the relationship, but feel like it is all one-sided now.

Maybe the chemistry you guys had is slowly fading away and everything you do just seems to make it worse.

And you are asking yourself: Why is he not committing to me? He says he wants to be with me and he loves hanging out with you, but he doesn’t show it.

And now you fear that he is seeing other girls, not fully present with you and most likely already on the out.

I get it, I have been there myself. Right as a woman we try to make it work. You initiate, you suggest, we even pretend to be the woman you think he would like.

But now you are finding yourself wondering how to create a real connection and finally get a great man to want to be with you.

That’s why today I want to share with you 3 steps that helped many of my clients turn their situation around.


Step 1)

Understand that men enjoy the pursuit. Deep down in their subconscious mind, having to pursue, having to work for what they want, makes them want it more.

Therefore the first step is to lean back. That means that you stop texting first and calling just to tell him about something fun you saw. Refrain from initiating contact on social media by liking a picture or sending a reaction to his IG story and instead, let him do it.

Eventually, he will feel the difference and start wondering why you went silent.

That’s when he is going to send the good morning text and a funny video to get your attention. He is going to realize that your absence is bothering him and will try to get you back quickly.

The goal is to make him see that he is not the only person in your phone and definitely not on your mind. You want to remind him that you are a woman of high-value and deserve to be pursued as such.

And if you are now getting uncomfortable and scared that if you distance yourself, he will stop caring and just go looking for someone else. Then I can assure you that it is your fear of abandonment speaking. The right man for you will not shy away from pursuing you the way you expect him to.

Step 2)
Step number 2 is what I call the “Do You” method. In this step, you completely focus on yourself. You make yourself a priority and completely cater to your own needs.

Because the best way to not care about what he is doing, is by putting all the attention on yourself and what you are doing. Especially, because now that you are not wasting all your time pursuing him, you can focus it on pleasing yourself.
So the way to jumpstart the “Do You” method is to plan an entire weekend of feel-good activities.

Plan in at least one to two things you can do inside or outside of your house on the weekend that makes you feel good. From working out to walking to the park, to getting a mani and pedi.

This has two amazing effects, for one it raises your energy to 100, but it also sends a message to him. When he sees you enjoying life, he will understand that you are not just waiting around by your phone waiting for his text.

Because now that you stopped contacting him for weekend plans and evening hangouts, he also has a blank space in his schedule. So seeing you out and about doing you, will make him feel like you forgot about him and make him fear losing you altogether.

And I know now you might be worried that he is going to leave you if you don’t show him that you care. But you are not being cold or telling him you don’t care. What you are doing is showing him that you prioritize yourself. And that has the effect we want.

Him realizing that you could slip through his fingers is what will make him commit. You being less available to him and less dependent on him to have fun, will make him realize if he wants to keep you in his life, he has to get you to commit.


And the last step is what I call it the unbothered method.

It is the hardest step to pull off because you have to follow the exact action I instruct you too and you need to mean it. But once you do it, he will be the one bringing up the “what are we” conversation quickly.

No how does this work?

To master the unbothered method you have to stop caring. You have to get to a point where his presence or absence in your life doesn’t affect you any longer. Meaning whether he takes you out that weekend or not, you are still going to have a great time. No matter if he calls or not, you are still having your beauty sleep.

Because once he sees that you are not bending over backward anymore to make space for him. He is going to sense your interest in him fading away.

And once he feels that he will be shifting all his gears and start showing up the way you always wanted him to.

The way to unlock the unbothered method is by being indifferent in all your communication to him. Meaning you don’t invest in the conversation like you did before. And you certainly don’t agree with any more last-minute requests from him.

You only talk, text, and meet with him, when it suits you. That will show him that to be with you, he has to be 100% all in or you will take your talents to someone else.


By following these three steps you are giving him enough space to figure out if he wants to be with you and is ready to pursue you the right way.

Comments (1)

John Pusa
Berkshire Hathaway Home Services Crest - Glendale, CA
Your All Time Realtor With Exceptional Service

Justine Mfulama very good list of tips for how to inspire commitment.

Aug 14, 2020 02:36 PM