Signs you are still holding on to your ex

Industry Observer with Justine Mfulama

There is nothing worse than a breakup. Even once all love is lost, it can be hard to remove your ex from your life. Suddenly, someone that used to be so close becomes a distant acquaintance and all the fun memories become painful. 


And if you still love them you may even find it difficult to let go of your ex. 


In my experience, there are usually three reasons why we hold on to a relationship long after it ended. In this post, I share how to know if you are still holding on to your ex.



1) You expect closure


The number one reason why we sometimes have difficulty letting go of an ex is that we are holding out for closure. We feel like we need to know why the relationship ended.


We believe that by having some magical conversation or great meeting with the ex we can finally release the whirlwind of feelings and emotions that we have been experiencing since the breakup. 


We believe that once he gives us that one reason that justifies the breakup we be able to move on. But the reality is that as long as you wait for him to come and mend what he broke you will never be able to heal. Understand that there is no reason that your ex could give you that would undo the hurt that was caused by the breakup.


Closure is something you give to yourself. It’s the decision to accept his choice and understand that his rejection does not define you. 


So, instead of waiting for a magical apology from him in order to be set free and questioning yourself for weeks why the breakup happened, you have to decide to move on. 




2) You keep checking up on him


The second reason why we have a hard time letting go of an ex is that we are still stalking them on social media. Unfortunately, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter make it incredibly easy for us to keep up with people without them even knowing it. 


However, I have to caution you against this habit. And I know it can be difficult. Especially in the first few weeks after the breakup, because you want to know what is going on in his life. 


But as long as you continue to stalk your ex on social media, you will make it difficult for yourself to move on. And here is why. 


For one, you are putting a lot of energy into keeping up with his life, which is robbing you of the energy to keep up with your own. The more that you are paying attention to where he is and who he is with, the less you are paying attention to your own life. 


You have to shift your energy towards yourself and start caring for your heart and mind, especially after a breakup. Following him around on social media is not going to help you feel better.


Another reason why keeping up with him on social media is not a good idea is because eventually, he is going to do something that will make you incredibly anxious. Every time you go to his social media you will experience anticipatory anxiety which can set your emotions straight off. 


Therefore, try to avoid that as much as you can.



3) Holding on to a fantasy


The third reason why it may be hard to move on from your ex is that you are holding on to a fantasy. The idea of who he could have been, rather than the reality of who he was. 


A breakup is always difficult and painful regardless of the circumstances, however, a lot of times we make it harder by holding on to the vision we had for the relationship. 


We don’t just miss him, but we miss the fantasy we envisioned our lives to be. The vacations, the romance, and the love that looked so perfect in our mind.  


Oftentimes we are so enamored with the idea of being #relationshipgoals and finally having the perfect boyfriend, that we don’t want to let go. 


We project a lot of different things onto our partner that really have nothing to do with him but are more about our internal issues that need to be worked out. 


So it’s really important that you take an assessment after a relationship ends and ask yourself what was the relationship really like and what was just a representation. 


Comments (2)

Tony Lewis
RE/MAX of Valencia (Hall of Fame) 30 year Valencia Resident - Valencia, CA
Summit Real Estate Santa Clarita & Aliso Viejo

Time heals all wounds, not really, time finds a way to work past these wounds.

Aug 24, 2020 05:42 PM
Will Hamm
Hamm Homes - Aurora, CO
"Where There's a Will, There's a Way!"

Good Morning Justine,  Time will heal all but time can be a long time for sure.

Aug 25, 2020 07:27 AM

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