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I'm sorry, Bill.

By
Real Estate Agent with Homesmart

You were the most difficult client I ever had. 

Highly intelligent with an engineering background, your bio was a fascinating one.  You rode the silicon wave right out of northern California and crashed upon the shores of the Valley.  Along with many of your cohorts, the work dried up with the dot.com implosion.  Of course, this was after your stint as a weapons inspector in Iraq, but before you took out an ad for handyman services in the local rag because you liked to tinker. 

I never had reason to question your resume or stories until later, but that's not important.  You were a fascinating fellow with or without the credentials.  I do know that you came from money, and that it seemed to fund the chasing of your whims.  The launching of a food service business and the construction of a coffee house café may have been to blame for the difficulties I had in keeping you on course with the investment property you purchased to flip.  You never really wanted much to do with it in the first place, and were thrust into the role of sole investor when you fell out with your partner - the guy who was supposed to swing the hammer.  A three month project turned into 2 years.  I ended up doing far more than the work of a Realtor to get you out of that debacle relatively unscathed, only for you to disappear at critical junctures.  We would have conference calls with your bank and your financial planner over the most trivial nuances, but I could never find you for pressing matters.  Of course, when you got me on the phone to discuss whatever was on your mind, it would turn into a several hour conversation that had little to do with anything.  Or so it seemed.

I grew to abhor seeing that number flash across my caller ID.  I'd answer grudgingly, and steel myself for the wasted hours to follow. 

I met your contractors, picked out materials when you were AWOL, hounded you to pay outstanding bills and pleaded with you to fulfill the terms of the contract once we finally did find a buyer.

I did not recognize it back then.

Whatever would ultimately compel you to drive your car into that warehouse, lock yourself in and set the fire, I should have recognized the loneliness.  In retrospect, it seems painfully obvious that you couldn't focus because there were simply too many demons crowding your mind and competing for attention.  Even on tip-toes, you stood little chance of seeing past them to the outside world.  How incredibly mundane and unimportant those business matters must have seemed when the urgency really lied in the rambling conversations that would occasion the rolling of my eyes. 

I look back on those phone calls I dreaded, the transaction I couldn't wait to close, and I bear the weight of knowing I couldn't wait for our paths to veer.  All I wanted was to be free of you, and all you wanted was a friend.

I'm sorry, Bill.

Comments(43)

Ricki Eichler McCallum
CastNet Realty - Corpus Christi, TX
Broker,GRI,ABR, e-Pro, TAHS

What a story.  All the comments say things I want to say also.  You were a friend and we do play a big part in people's lives during a stressful time.  Whether happy or sad about buying or selling, it is always a stressful time for them.  We must take our parts seriously and remember we are dealing with people.  You did all you could.  Thanks for sharing.

Jun 19, 2008 02:22 AM
Norma Toering Broker for Palos Verdes and Beach Cities
Charlemagne International Properties - Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
Palos Verdes Luxury Homes in L.A.

Paul, 

Just when I vowed I was 'through' with a particular client you had to come along and write this post.  Thank you, and the next time my client calls I won't mention real estate, but I will listen with my heart.

Jun 19, 2008 03:43 AM
Amanda Evans
DFW Living - Fort Worth, TX
Real Estate Broker - Fort Worth Texas

Dammit, Paul...I just don't know what to say.

Wait, yes I do...Whatever sadness or despair was in his world, I am sure you cracked Bill up and made his day brighter more times than you ever intended.  It's just how you roll and you can't help it.

 

Jun 19, 2008 12:03 PM
Shannon Lefevre
John R. Wood Properties - Naples, FL
Shannon Lefevre, PA Your Naples Smart Girl

Hey Paul, Just one question....during those hours and hours of conversation...when did he ever ask what was going on in your life??? When did he call you to find out how that big deal went or wish your kids a happy birthday or ever encourage you to lean on him for any other reason other than business reasons?  If he had made a connection with you and offered something instead of just taking...you would've willingly taken those calls happily.

YOU WERE a friend and a ridiculously great Realtor to him problem was, he wasn't a very good friend to you and maybe that inlays the problem as to why maybe he felt so alone. It goes both ways my dear. :)

Jun 19, 2008 12:25 PM
Kelly Sibilsky
Licensed Through Referral Connection, LTD. - Lake Zurich, IL

People come in and out of our lives for a reason. Sometimes it is just to make us think. Do we ever really know anyone? Some people barely know themselves. It sounds like he spent his whole life searching...maybe he finally found the peace he was looking for.

Jun 20, 2008 03:00 AM
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)

Paul - I remember when we talked about this event awhile back.  Clearly, Bill was haunted by demons that we will never fully understand.  As with some of the other comments above, I will state that you went above and beyond in trying to help him.  You may be right that he just wanted a friend, but it is hard to serve as the sole friend for anyone, unless you are in the same boat.

Jun 20, 2008 04:25 AM
Heather Oberhau
Prudential Fox & Roach - Newtown, PA
Bucks County Real Estate, e-PRO

Paul, I've had a few actual friends in my lifetime who needed a positive influence:  ill with drug or alcohol addiction, depression, etc.  I've done my best to be a friend to them, but at some point, I've pulled back in order to live my own life free of the energy/soul/life sucking demands this sort of relationship involves.  I feel bad for them, empathize with them, wish them the best...but my life is free of the demons they battle.  I certainly don't want to bring those demons into my world.  Beautifully written post. 

Jun 20, 2008 05:06 AM
Judy Greenberg
Compass - Long Grove, IL
Compass- Long Grove -Buffalo Grove

Paul, you did more than most people would do, had more patience than most people would have, you're a great person!

Jun 20, 2008 01:35 PM
Sandra Carlisle (Ayers)
Berkshire Hathaway California Properties - Newport Beach, CA
Real Estate Marketing & Sales

Indifference....  That was the perfect word.  I felt the same way about an agent I knew who put a bullet in his head the day after I was too busy to stop and chat.  It made me wonder how many people didn't stop for that chat in the time leading up to his decision.  It is a reminder and I slow down a lot more now when it comes to people who want my time.

Sorry you had that experience.

 

Jun 20, 2008 02:03 PM
Inna Hardison
ha media group - Orlando, FL
Wordpress for Real Estate & Design, Print HaMedia Group

Oh, My dear dear Paul - I am so sorry...

Jun 21, 2008 08:40 AM
Dawn Maloney
RE/MAX Trinity Northeast Ohio Real Estate Specialist - Hudson, OH
330-990-4236 Hudson & Northeastern Ohio

Paul, thank you for this post...don't beat yourself up. You don't know if drugs were involved, causing something irrational to end his life...lives like Bill's are knotty, laced with craziness...there is so much you will never know.

You cannot be all things to all people. They call that deity God.

Jun 27, 2008 02:36 AM
Edith " Edi " Davenport
Coldwell Banker, Conroy, Marable & Holleman - Clarksville, TN
Your Realtor For Life

wow Paul, what a story

Jun 27, 2008 08:31 AM
Mesa, Arizona Real Estate Mesa Arizona Realtor
Homes Arizona Real Estate LLC - Mesa, AZ
AzLadyInRed

Wow, Paul, this was very sad! We never do know about others do we? What a very nice apology...;-)

Pepper

Jun 27, 2008 03:49 PM
Deb Brooks
Brooks Prime Properties Wichita Falls Texas - Wichita Falls, TX

Paul, misplaced guilt can diminish the quality of your own life. You are not a mind reader so don't beat yourself up. Guilt is normal and natural for those of us that are left behind but the bottom line is that we are all responsible for our own existence.

The resistance you may have been feeling with the unwanted conversations is possibly the hopelessness within his voice and demeanor. You could not change it. Say a prayer and let it go.

You owe it to yourself and your family to let yourself be the best you can be! I'm sorry you had to go through this...and Bill too.

Later in the rain~Deb

Jun 29, 2008 02:15 PM
Paul Slaybaugh
Homesmart - Scottsdale, AZ
Scottsdale, AZ Real Estate

No guilt, Deb, just an apology.

Jun 29, 2008 03:33 PM
C Tann-Starr
Tann Starr & Associates, Inc. - Palm Bay, FL

Very well said, Paul, very well said...

Jul 04, 2008 11:31 AM
Liz Carter
Liz Carter & Team Realty-Your Real Estate Resource For Life! - Katy, TX
Broker/Owner of Liz Carter & Team Realty, Katy TX (Houston)

My dear Paul...

You make me cry, you make me laugh, you have such a big heart and a way of saying things that really move me.  I wish I could know you better, but am glad for what small part I have with you.  Everyone has pretty much said all I would about this tragic person, some people are just so sad.  I'll never forget that line in the book Sophie's Choice, "Such undeserved unhappiness".  This was a part in the book before you knew what her "choice" had been and they had been at the beach with a bunch of his friends who were complaining about different things in their life, and seeing physciatrist for all "their problem", which of course were just simple trials and tribulations of life.  They had no conception of what true unhappiness and unbearable horrific things she had gone through.  So it is with a lot of people...such undeserved unhappiness.

Don't beat yourself up, you could not possibly know what this man was going through, and we all need to take responsibility for our lives as you do.  Something really terrible may have happened in his life or he might have just been experiencing "undeserved unhappiness"!

Now if we really wanted to get philosophical we could talk about if there is really a difference when whatever it is is happening to you?

OK now you have to write something funny for me!

Jul 06, 2008 03:50 PM
Anonymous
mercy

very well said about this article.

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Aug 29, 2008 05:55 PM
#41
Anonymous
Anonymous

 

very well said about this article.

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mercy

 

<a href=http://www.alcoholaddiction.org/virginia>Virginia Alcohol Addiction Treatment</a>

Aug 29, 2008 05:57 PM
#42
April Hayden-Munson
Brookfield, WI
Brookfield Wisconsin Real Estate

Paul, I admire you for writing such a ---- sad story.  I feel sorry that you had to feel some pain from his situation.  We can't be friends with everyone.  Yet, we do touch many lives!

Sep 17, 2008 10:00 AM