30 Days of Thanksgiving: Day 25

Education & Training with Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals.

"You don't get what you want. You get what you negotiate."

Harvey Mackey

Today I am thankful for the ability to edit myself and rant in a tactful way.

Yesterday morning I had an experience that turned ridiculous and I couldn't just let it go without a fight. 

As many of you know, my sister-in-law Connie is in the independent living side of a long term care facility. The COVID guidelines on these facilities are quite restrictive.  The good news is I have received approval as a caregiver for Connie so I can come and go as I please. I do have to check-in and be screened every time I enter which is just fine. 

Anyway, yesterday I called the facility to inform them I would be visiting Connie on Thanksgiving Day so could they please deliver an extra meal for me when they bring her meal.  It was then that things went south.  I was told they aren't providing additional meals for family or caregivers due to COVID.  I was told, yes I could go see her and I could bring my own food. When I was told that I asked to speak to someone else. I got told the same thing.  That pretty much set me off but I kept my cool and simply said "That seems a bit petty, but thanks anyway. Goodbye."

I hung up the phone and went straight to my computer to compose a letter to the management.  The following is a copy of the letter I sent.  This is the revised version. The original version included words that didn't fit the "tactful" approach I ultimately wanted to go for.  You can use your imagination on that.  LOL

Dear _________________,
I am hoping you will forward this to whoever else you consider appropriate for this message.

I called a few minutes ago to arrange to get an extra meal on Thanksgiving Day so I could come in and eat with Connie.  I was informed I CAN come in as a caregiver but I can NOT get a meal. I can bring my own food.

Here's is what's wrong with that picture:
I can take her out (away from the safety of the building) for a meal. What sense does that make? I understand that she will be under quarantine for 14 days after returning but that's no different than the circumstances she will be in for the next two weeks whether she leaves or not. I actually prefer to leave her in the safety of your building.

What strikes me as ironic is when I was on hold during the phone call, I was listening to a message about how wonderful (facility name) is. Not providing a meal for a caregiver prepared under your controlled circumstances (in your facility) on Thanksgiving Day seems petty to me.

I understand you're not making the rules but whoever is making or interpreting the rules is not thinking clearly.  I encourage you to do what you can legally do to make this crazy time a little more bearable for your residents.

As ridiculous as it seems, I WILL come to be with Connie and bring my own food. 

Thanks for listening to my little rant.
Carol Williams

After sending the letter, I texted the recipient to tell her it was not directed AT her but I knew she would get it to the proper person. She immediately replied to say she had printed it out and hand-delivered it to the Executive Director. 

What was the outcome?

Within 15 minutes of sending the letter, I received a call from the Executive Director indicating there had been a misunderstanding among the staff and I would be provided a meal. 

So, as I said, today I am thankful for the ability to fight in a tactful and effective way.   You just never know when those negotiating skills will come in handy. 


Posted by

"Information is FREE.
Knowledge, Experience & Integrity Are Priceless."

- Carol Williams

Retired: Real Estate Broker/Owner, Property Manager 
Coaching, goal setting, and marketing consultant

Active: Golf & Travel Blogger
"Golf isn't a sport. It's a lifestyle."

Comments (17)

Chad Felter
Virginia Beach, VA
Providing service through out Hampton Roads

This "Covid" is hard to deal with and some poeple just aren't acting right...besides you can't fix Stupid!

Nov 25, 2020 04:48 AM
Wayne Martin
Wayne M Martin - Chicago, IL
Real Estate Broker - Retired

Good morning Carol. Good for you! Sometimes you have to let people know, in a polite way, how their policies are without merit. Enjoy your meal with Connie!

Nov 25, 2020 04:52 AM
Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Los Angeles Pasadena 818.516.4393

Hello Carol - sometimes it takes a pause to truly refresh a situation and an attitude.   Mission:  Accomplished!

Nov 25, 2020 05:00 AM
Brian England
Vacasa - Gilbert, AZ
MBA, GRI, REALTOR® Real Estate in East Valley AZ

It pays to speak up, especially when things don't make sense.  I am glad that you are going to share Thanksgiving with your sister!

Nov 25, 2020 05:07 AM
Barbara Todaro
RE/MAX Executive Realty - Retired - Franklin, MA
Previously Affiliated with The Todaro Team

you did a great job of biting your tongue..... you're better than I am.... great negotiating skills.... that takes PATIENCE....  Carol Williams 

Nov 25, 2020 05:14 AM
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Good morning Carol Williams - you gave everyone a perfect example of negotiation skills.  Holding your cool to do this takes a few year of experience, at least it did in my case.

Nov 25, 2020 05:22 AM
Kat Palmiotti
406-270-3667, kat@thehousekat.com, Broker, eXp Realty - Kalispell, MT
Helping your Montana dreams take root

Tactfulness is a much needed and appreciated skill! I hope you have a wonderful visit with Connie!

Nov 25, 2020 05:55 AM
Nick Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtor, Philly Main Line

Congratulations, our family members are isolated enough due to Covid without people making their lives more difficult.

Nov 25, 2020 08:00 AM
Lottie Kendall
Compass - San Francisco, CA
Helping make your real estate dreams a reality

Tact can win the day, right? Enjoy your Thanksgiving with Connie.

Nov 25, 2020 08:45 AM
Will Hamm
Hamm Homes - Aurora, CO
"Where There's a Will, There's a Way!"

Good for you Carol,  I know that this is hard on everyone this year but glad you can in to see her and also have a meal with her.


Nov 25, 2020 09:00 AM
Ron and Alexandra Seigel
Napa Consultants - Carpinteria, CA
Luxury Real Estate Branding, Marketing & Strategy

Bravo Carol,

Sometimes you have to have a good rant to get it out of your system...And the cool objective sense takes over...I am sure Connie will be happy with you all. A

Nov 25, 2020 09:08 AM
Debb Janes EcoBroker and Bernie Stea JD
ViewHomes of Clark County - Nature As Neighbors - Camas, WA
REALTORS® in Clark County, WA

Well, good for you, Carol. I'm glad you are going to get to enjoy a Thanksgiving meal with Connie. Happy Thanksgiving Eve. 

Nov 25, 2020 09:52 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate

Hello Carol Williams - somethings we just cannot accept.  I would have done the same thing.  Your willingness to invest your time and speak your truth created change.  Was it really a misunderstanding ... or did your letter wake them up. 

We will never know. Enjoy your time with your sister-in-law, Connie.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Nov 25, 2020 10:41 AM
Anna Banana Kruchten CRS, CRB, Phoenix Broker
HomeSmart Real Estate BR030809000 - Phoenix, AZ

Hi Carol there is a point where one just simply has to say NO.  Not accepting this and here's why.  You handled it in as best a way as possible and  deserved to get the result you did.  I hope they learn their lesson.

Nov 25, 2020 12:41 PM
Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

Please forgive the "drive by" comment. I'm afraid that while I am away, my time is limited.
I wanted to say thank you for your posts. I am grateful meeting people like you here on AR. God bless you and have a Happy Thanksgiving.


Nov 25, 2020 05:53 PM
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Hi Carol-you did a great job of letting your jets cool and then handling this in a good manner. If you never say anything, how would they know?!  I have to watch my tongue because depending upon my mood, I can not be kind. I know it's petty but I've learned to pick my battles and count to 10. 

Nov 25, 2020 06:16 PM
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster REALTORS®, Gainesville, VA - Bristow, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

That sounds on par with the lack of common sense in those places.  I could not believe they would allow me to care for my mom, as a caregiver when she had COVID, but she got well, told me I couldn't come see because of...you guessed it...COVID.  Common sense is not so common, as it seems these days.

Nov 26, 2020 02:04 PM

What's the reason you're reporting this blog entry?

Are you sure you want to report this blog entry as spam?