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The "n" word

By
Real Estate Agent with Realty One Group # S.0190863

Okay, now this may be the most controversial post that I place here this year. Perhaps even ever. I am going to talk about a word you don’t admit is a part of what you do. The “N” word. Yep, that’s right, nonconfront.

We all have an internal dialogue. Things we say in our mind but may not say out loud. Some things we are okay with dealing with and somethings we would rather just ignore so that we don’t have to face them. When the mind doesn’t want to deal with something, it may choose to do a nonconfront instead of dealing with it.

In what ways do people nonconfront? There are many.

Not hearing. Ever notice there are times that someone doesn’t hear you or your don’t hear someone when there is a difficult conversation?

Forgetting. Some people forget things so that they won’t have to deal with them.

Getting angry is a way of nonconfronting. Some of you may be arguing that anger is a confrontation. Actually, in this case anger is a diversion. Anger can be used as a way to not confront something and since people don’t want to be around someone who is angry, they many times let the issue go by as well.

Sleeping. Some people fall asleep at inappropriate times as a way of avoiding confrontation.

Going to the bathroom. It was funny. In teaching seminars, we always knew when the most people would get up and go to the bathroom. It would always be when we looked at people’s lack of finances. There is no statistical way that so many people would HAVE to go to the bathroom (instead of waiting 45 minutes) at that one particular moment.

Getting sick. Some people will get sick in order to avoid something (like that 5th grade book report?) and some people get sick from exhaustion because the person doesn’t want a confrontation and so they never say no to people and they exhaust themselves.

Dying. Watch a woman who has been married all her life to 1 man. Chances are 3 in 4 she will die in the first two years after his death. I saw a man when his wife died on Saturday. The funeral was Friday. He died the next day.

So far this week, we have discussed Fear, Anger, and Nonconfronting. Now what you focus on expands. In fact the more you see it, the more you create it. Like a snowball of momentum. Starting tomorrow, we pivot and look at the opposite side of things.

When we don’t see clearly, that is a mind fog. Remember that there is a possibility. How to get to that possibility, get to that trance, how to stop the mind fog – all that starts tomorrow in my next post.

 Rocky Dickerson  Rocky Sells Vegas Peccole Ranch Summerlin Houses Sell My Summerlin Home What Is My Vegas Home Worth What Is My Summerlin Home Worth Peccole Ranch Houses Summerlin Homes For Sale  

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Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

Hello Kathy Streib and yet when one lets go of their denial, they are confronting their challenge in that they are recognizing it. They are not hostile towards it, they simply recognize it and thus confront the issue. Trust me, in the seminars a lot of people choose to argue over what a confront is. LOL

Jan 13, 2021 01:56 PM
Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

Hello George Souto well, a nonconfront isn't walking away. It is pretending something doesn't  exist or isn't there. Choosing peace isn't a nonconfront.

Jan 13, 2021 01:58 PM
Ed Silva, 203-206-0754
Mapleridge Realty, CT 203-206-0754 - Waterbury, CT
Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally

You mention non confronting and yet I know that there are times when a few choice words from my wife can make me do many of the things you offer such as Wanting  to go to the bathroom and maybe not even able to get there quick enough; not hearing; getting angry; getting sick.  The words 'We Need To Have A Talk generate all kinds of emotions.

Jan 13, 2021 03:25 PM
Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

Yes, Ed Silva "we need to have a talk" may be one of the all time biggest triggers for a nonconfront.

Jan 13, 2021 03:44 PM
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Rocky I have always been a confrontational guy, must be my Airborne, Ranger, Infantry CPT in me from a previous life... I have no problem confronting someone when I am 100% correct .... now I respect the handful of people I know on this platform that can be 'whishy washy" is what I call them instead of Non Confrontational:)))))))) they know who they are:))Endre

Jan 13, 2021 09:06 PM
James Dray
Fathom Realty - Bentonville, AR

Morning Rocky.

It happened to my mother.  It took 5 years, but she began dying the day my dad did.

Jan 14, 2021 12:19 AM
Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

Good morning Endre Barath, Jr. an Airborne Ranger that is confrontational?  How can this be? LOL

Jan 14, 2021 05:18 AM
Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

Good morning James Dray I am sorry for your loss. Losing the one spouse you loved can be traumatic and it is hard to face that life as the survivor.

Jan 14, 2021 05:20 AM
Beth Atalay
Cam Realty and Property Management - Clermont, FL
Cam Realty of Clermont FL

Hi Rocky Dickerson, I don't have a problem confronting anyone but behind the keyboard is not the best platform for me. Also, when on social media, there are some posts I have much to say about but keep scrolling or blocking the user instead. I guess that would be a form of non-confront. 

Jan 14, 2021 03:42 PM
Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

Hello Beth Atalay while that may be a way of not confronting someone, perhaps I should have been clearer. In this case nonconfronts are much closer to denial. A friend of mine keeps saying she has her "stuff" together because she did all the work and has nothing left to work on. In the meantime she completely misses that she lost her humility. By being in denial, she is nonconfronting the issues she is dealing with. Personally, I try to be aware of new things I am non confronting at least once or twice a year. That is where my best growth comes from. In the 5th, 6th, and 7th parts of this series, I think you will see that.

Jan 14, 2021 04:46 PM
Barbara Todaro
RE/MAX Executive Realty - Happily Retired - Franklin, MA
Previously Affiliated with The Todaro Team

Goo mornng, Rocky Dickerson confrontational???  "I'm not a "shit stirrer" but if there's an issue, I'm right in your face..... 

Jan 16, 2021 03:24 AM
Debe Maxwell, CRS

You're also a TRIP, Barbara! 🤣

Jan 17, 2021 06:21 PM
Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

Good morning Barbara Todaro the key here is the internal and not the external. Nonconfronting is about being in a state of denial within.

Jan 16, 2021 06:07 AM
Debb Janes
Nature As Neighbors - Camas, WA
Put My Love of Nature At Work for You

I'm so glad Carol Williams featured these posts . People's (me too ) reactions are fascinating to me. I'm anxious to explore more of this awareness. I'm guessing we all have things we are working hard not to confront. 

Jan 16, 2021 07:42 AM
Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

Good morning Debb Janes EcoBroker and Bernie Stea JD it is a fascinating and rewarding journey to discover what we are nonconfronting.

Jan 16, 2021 08:14 AM
Debe Maxwell, CRS
Savvy + Company (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
The RIGHT CHARLOTTE REALTOR!

Oh my gosh, this is great and I have no idea how I missed commenting on this post earlier in the week. In fact, I realized when I saw it on Carol Williams' Second Chance post that I hadn't followed back up on it and I don't see my comment!

ANYWAY...

It is one of my favorite posts with your 'words.' I was a psychology student - in fact, I minored in it. So, I do know that what you are saying is EXACTLY true! Open dialogue, with the intent of resolving conflict or opposing views, is confrontational. I don't view confrontation as a negative at all - it's more of an opportunity to bring ideas, ideals, feelings, etc. TOGETHER.

"Confront it head-on!"  That doesn't mean 'bully' someone or confront them angrily. It means (in my humble opinion), "Let's resolve this thing!"  "Let's fix this together."  "Let's put our heads together and come up with a win-win!"

Great post, Rocky!

 

 

Jan 17, 2021 06:32 PM
Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

Thank you Debe Maxwell, CRS it seems where most people are nonconfronting is with internal areas. I can see someone that seems to be upset that confronting doesn't have to be adversarial. After all, the majority of nonconfronts are buried internally beneath denial. Maybe they were in denial about their denial. LOL

Jan 17, 2021 07:48 PM
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Rocky I now this sounds "old" but what you just responded to Debe Maxwell, CRS

Denial? The Nile is a river where I come from I am always confrontational internally as well as externally oh well that is just me and as to what Barbara Todaro  said I am Shit Stirrer too:) but that is just a bonus:))))))))))))))Endre 

Jan 17, 2021 09:24 PM
Debe Maxwell, CRS
Savvy + Company (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
The RIGHT CHARLOTTE REALTOR!

LOL They are in denial about their denial - oh, the rabbit hole we could traverse, Rocky! 

And, that's why we love you, Endre Barath, Jr. - your shit-stirring skills!! 😜

Jan 17, 2021 10:19 PM
Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

Good morning Debe Maxwell, CRS and Endre Barath, Jr. I speak about denial of being in denial because I was once there. Having gone through some workshops and seminars I spent some years in denial about my denial and I even defended it with my ego and arrogance. I have since come to find that every one of us always has another layer of the onion to peel.

Jan 18, 2021 05:20 AM
Rocky Dickerson
Realty One Group - Las Vegas, NV
Superior Service!

When we become aware of our nonconfronts (instead of being in denial) that is when we can truly become our best

Jan 25, 2021 09:44 AM