How to let go of someone you love

Industry Observer with Justine Mfulama

It’s the new year and with it comes a new you, right? 


If you are like most people, then you probably already made a list of things that you want to change, improve, or even completely get rid of.


Like, maybe your ex?  


Exactly one year ago I sent out a long email to my Newsletter explaining my game plan for how I would let go of my ex-boyfriend now that he had a new girlfriend. 


For more than a year and a half, I practiced surrendering my love for him to God each and every day. I knew that to manifest the love I desired I had to let go of the love I once pursued.


I wanted a clean slate. No more obsessing, idolizing or grieving what once was and instead look towards what still could be. 


So, for weeks and months, I did everything I could to mentally move on. And eventually, I came up with a strategy that allowed me to let go and let God. 


So, I figured to start the year off right, why not share some of those steps. Here are 3 steps on how to let go of someone you love.



Go full-on “No Contact”


I know, I know this is the hardest step! Whenever I suggest to people that they should go full-on no-contact their first reaction is “I don’t want him to think that I hate him”. 


Every one of us is afraid that the moment we initiate no contact the guy will get offended and not want to talk to us anymore. 

And that is a problem. Because cutting all ties to your ex is about protecting your heart and well-been, not his ego. The two of you are broken up and it’s time to look out for yourself first. 


It’s about making sure you are not triggered every time his picture pops up on Social Media, or sad because another weekend passed in which he didn’t call. 


When I decided to delete his number, our message thread, and block his social media I was able to detach myself from the memory of him and move on. 


With time I started thinking of him less and that eventually allowed me to let go of him even though I still loved him.



Focus on different areas of your life


Let’s be honest, the main reason why it’s so hard to let go of someone you love is that you are constantly reminded of them. 


Whenever my mind had a free moment it would revert to the many memories I shared with my ex. And then my stomach would start to hurt and the next thing you knew I had tears in my eyes. 


As we know our thoughts trigger emotions. So the more you think about your ex and the painful breakup, the more you trigger painful feelings. 


That’s why you have to intentionally focus on other areas of your life if you want to let go of a relationship. 


You can do this by submerging yourself in a new hobby, take on a new project at work or spend more time with friends and family. Do whatever it takes to distract yourself.


By shifting your attention from the breakup to an exciting topic, you trigger more emotions of joy.



Get back on the dating field


And then, last but not least you have to get back into the dating game. 


Mind you, all of my tips easily cover a timeframe of 3-6 months or more depending on how difficult the breakup was. 


But whether you are dating to be married or not, it is important to get back on the field and meet men. 


This will help you avoid idolizing your ex-boyfriend and past relationship. 


So often we are caught up on one person for months because we think they are the only ones that will ever make us smile, we will ever love, and that will ever love us. 


But the moment you start mingling again and meeting different people and experiencing more romantic connections, you realize that there are more interesting men out there that you would enjoy being with.


Letting go of someone you love is not easy, but sometimes it’s necessary. 


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