Why getting attached to someone too quickly can be destructive

By
Industry Observer with Justine Mfulama

Can you relate to this scenario? 

 

You don’t date very often and don’t really enjoy dating apps. You get on them for 2 weeks, meet 3 men and really hit it off with 1. 

 

He is nice, ticks most of your boxes and he seems to enjoy your company just as much. You are convinced that he must be your perfect match. And after 3 weeks of talking and meeting up you are officially hot and heavy for your new love interest. 

 

Unfortunately, after a while he starts pulling away and eventually stops calling or texting all together. You are left having to deal with a mini heartbreak which takes you off the dating scene for 3-4 months, before you rejoin just to go through the same thing all over again. 

 

This is an experience a lot of us have. We catch feelings for someone too soon, because we never learned how to date without getting attached. Which is a big problem, because it leaves us vulnerable to an unhealthy emotional attachment. 

Because the reality is, getting attached to someone too quickly is not fun, but draining.

 

So what can you do to change that? Here are 3 tips: 

 

1. Don’t rush

Even if it has been a while since you dated a man you really liked and felt like this could be “The One”, don’t rush into a relationship. Trying to lock him down prematurely without taking time to get to know the real him will make for a lot of unwanted surprises once the initial attraction fades. 

 

2. Don’t ignore red flags

The biggest mistake women make that leads to being attached to the wrong person is overlooking red flags. It’s important that you take off your rose colored glasses while dating and look at the relationship objectively. Does he really possess the character traits I desire in a man? Is he meeting my needs for a romantic relationship? Do I feel good when I’m with him? If any of these are a no, I suggest you take a step back and allow for space.

 

3. Don’t forget about your own life

Last but not least, the best way to not get attached to a guy quickly is by limiting your interactions with him. There is no need to cancel everything you are doing in order to spend every day and night with someone you have only know for a week. Instead, continue to prioritize your work, your passions, your friends and family. If you can only see him once or twice a week, that is fine because it means you are evenly spreading your attention. And that will help you stay emotionally detached or at least attach slower. 

 

I hope the tips shared above will help you avoid over-investing in men that are not significant parts of your life yet. Thus lowering the amount of times you have to process a “breakup” or “heartbreak” from people that were only meant to be flings. 

 

Either way, remember that getting emotionally attached is something you can control and don’t have to fall victim to every time.

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