The problem with situationships

Industry Observer with Justine Mfulama

Turning down situationships is not a walk in the park. The struggle to not settle for an “almost” relationship is hard!


Because believe it or not, sometimes I just want some male attention, even if I know it isn’t the kind of relationship I desired. 


And I’m sure you know what I mean. 


When I first started turning down situationships I got very discouraged. Because it meant that almost every man I would meet I had to let go. 


They all wanted to “just be friends”, “just see where things go”, or asked me to “just give them some time”.


And of course, the first thing I wanted to do was JUST GIVE HIM SOME TIME.


Because a little voice inside of me thought that might be him. That might be my “One”. 


Especially, because I was not even dating that much. So if a guy was even slightly interested in me, who was I to say no, right? 


But I quickly learned that there was no more room for people-pleasing. I had to stick to my guns. And as much as I struggled with it in the beginning, eventually, I got better. 


I learned a lot during that time and that’s why I’d like to share some of my BEST tips with you. 


1. Date more, expect less

In the beginning, you might feel uncomfortable talking to different guys at the same time. It feels wrong and you are scared people will judge you.


I get it, I used to feel that way too. 


But then I realized that I showed up with more confidence and less desperation when I dated multiple men. 


That is because you are less likely to get attached to one guy and project all your hope onto him. 



Instead, you get to evaluate multiple guys and can invest in the one that wants the same as you - a real relationship.



2. Pay attention to red flags

A man’s potential can be very attractive. You meet a guy that is single, saved and sexy, and immediately imagine how cute the two of you would be together. 


So you put all your effort into making it work, despite the red flags he exhibits now. 


The problem is, even if he has potential, he needs to be the one to see it and pursue it. Otherwise, you are wasting your time and energy waiting for him. 


After all, you want to date someone that wants to be in a committed relationship right now and not one day down the road. 


That’s why you need to pay close attention to what he says and does. If he repeatedly exhibits red flags, be brave enough to let go. 


This brings me to the last point. 



3. Trust your intuition

Have you ever talked yourself out of your intuition? 


Like when he only wants to hang out in private and you agree to it even though you’d love to go to a friend’s party together?


Your intuition is the most powerful tool you have. It’s what I like to call God’s voice inside of you. It looks out for you and always means well.


So when you start listening to it, you naturally make better decisions for your life. For me, that meant less heartbreak and more breakthroughs. 


Listening to my gut more increased my self-confidence a lot. So much so that I felt brave enough to turn down the men that were not right for me. Which enabled me to make space for my boyfriend. 


Funny enough, my boyfriend Demi came into my life after I had just turned down two suitors that I knew were not good for me. 


Saying no to their offers for a situationship, helped me be available for a relationship. 

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