How to break a soul tie with an ex 

Industry Observer with Justine Mfulama

Soul ties have become a very thought-after topic on my blog. It seems that we have all been there before.


Freshly or not so freshly broken up from an ex and just can’t get him out of our system. 


Every waking minute feels like we are about to cry and the only way to escape the feelings of sadness and longing is when you are asleep.


A soul tie, believe it or not, can last years. Contrary to heartbreak, it is not always obvious or painful. Sometimes a soul tie simply keeps you from moving on with your life.


Instead of enjoying life years after the breakup and dating new men or moving to a new city for a great job opportunity, you don’t.


Subconsciously you hope that the person will come back into your life one day, so you self-sabotage your growth. 


For 1.5 years I did the same. 


Even though my ex and I had broken up and physically moved on. He was in NYC and I was living in South America, we were very much still connected. It felt like I could feel his emotions and many nights I would wake up disturbed after yet another soul tie dream. 


It was draining because I wanted to move on. I was so over crying, hoping and wishing for him to change his mind and come back that I kept begging God for help.


Many nights I cried: God please help me let go. I don’t want to think of him anymore. 


Then one day the unspeakable happened. My ex got into a new relationship and my world shattered.


After losing all my shit and getting into an anxiety attack, I knew this was it. I could not live like that anymore. I needed to move on. After all, so had he. 


So, I started the process of breaking my soul tie to my ex.


Understand that the reason why we often hesitate to creak soul ties is because of hope. Rather than firmly deciding that it’s time to move on, we avoid letting go. 


And I get it. I have been there myself. 


This is why I hope that you came to this blog post today, prepared to move on with your life and let go of your ex-boyfriend.


Here is how to break a soul tie with an ex.

  1. Do a physical detox


I know this step might be the hardest for many of you. Getting rid of everything that reminds you of your ex can be very emotional. The mere process of digging out his old sweater and throwing it away brought tears to my eyes. 


But this step is crucial.


You have to gather all your ex-boyfriend's belongings and throw them out or at least give them back to him. 


You know what they say, out f sight out of mind. By removing all his stuff, chances are less likely that you will be triggered in the future. Meaning that you slowly forget about him. 

2) Do a social detox


Now, this step is also hard, but I rather always enjoy it. In order to break a soul tie with an ex, you have to delete, hide, or block him on all your social media platforms. 




Because you want to avoid what happened to me. Finding out over Instagram that he has gotten into a new relationship. Or seeing his updates that remind you of all the great places the two of you went together. 


Social media is a highlight reel, meaning everything you see will always make you feel like he is doing “fine” and already over you. 


Which hurts even more. 


So I suggest you lovingly block him and all his family/ friends. Or what would be even better, is to take a social media break altogether and use the time to heal. 

3) Write a letter 


Many times when we have a soul tie with an ex, it’s because there are deep feelings involved. Maybe you had sex with this ex-boyfriend even though you promised yourself you would remain celibate until marriage. Now you can’t shake those feelings of guilt and shame and therefore hold on to the hope that he will come back.


Whatever “strong” feelings you still have for him need to come out. You need to get your so-called closure. 


But how, if the two of you are not even speaking? 


That’s when a feelings letter comes into play. You can share all your thoughts and feelings in a letter to your ex to release those bottled-up emotions. 


It’s a powerful exercise that has helped many of my clients, move on from past romantic relationships. And in the Soul Tie Workbook, I explain exactly how it’s done. 


Now, these are only 3 steps of many that you can take to break a soul tie with an ex. And depending on how long the relationship lasted, you may need more time and more steps.

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