Are you sabotaging a relationship subconsciously?

Industry Observer with Justine Mfulama

You meet someone new and have a great time for a little while. The friendship is great and the two of you have chemistry. So you do what couples do and start spending more time together.

But then, suddenly something switches in your attraction to them. 


You are not as interested in talking on the phone anymore and your desire to spend time with them is slowly fading too. Now, every time you meet you find things about the other person you do not like and just can’t seem to shake. 


What happened? Just a week ago everything seemed fine. 


Does this sound familiar to you? If so, you might be sabotaging your relationship subconsciously. And here is why. 


Why men self-sabotage relationships

The reason why men self-sabotage relationships is to avoid rejection or vulnerability. 

For a lot of men (and women) the fear of getting hurt by someone they love is too risky. 


They are so afraid of abandonment that they avoid relationships to protect themselves. 

This only gets worse if he has experienced trauma in his childhood. Then chances are high that he may be uncomfortable with intimacy and vulnerability and therefore reject intimate relationships. 


Whenever he feels like he is getting too close to you and falling in love, he will then subconsciously start to look for a way out to avoid what he believes will be a painful experience.


Why Women Self-sabotage Relationships

For a lot of women, our early experiences of relationships affect our attitude and behavior towards love. 

If your experience of love in the past was shaped by men that would leave, cheat, or make you feel unwanted, chances are high that you will develop a tendency of expecting that same behavior in the future. 


While most women sabotage a relationship subconsciously to protect themselves from the anticipated pain of rejection or abandonment, it is, unfortunately, these assumptions lead to self-destructive behavior in relationships. 


Signs you are subconsciously sabotaging your relationship


You avoid intimacy

When you find yourself avoiding physical or emotional intimacy with your partner it might be a sign that you are self-sabotaging. It’s a very common strategy used to create distance between each other so that you can keep the other person from getting too close. 

You focus on the negative rather than the positive 

I hinted at this point earlier, but it makes sense to mention it again. When you constantly focus on the flaws of your partner, or can’t seem to appreciate all their positive character traits, then it is a big sign that you are looking for reasons to exit the relationship.

You put other things before your relationship 

In order to make a relationship work, you need to be able to prioritize it. Time, resources, and effort need to go into it daily. However, if you constantly put your family, friends, and work first the relationship will not grow and therefore suffer. So, if you have a hard time prioritizing your partner and their needs it may be a sign that you are not all in.


Did any of these signs you are subconsciously sabotaging your relationship strike a cord? 

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