3 reasons why you need to stop looking for "The One”

Industry Observer with Justine Mfulama

My blog has gained most of its following and readership because of a single blog post: Signs that he is “The One”.


This post year after year keeps attracting thousands of women from all over the world who are wondering if the guy they are seeing is “The One”. And I feel with everybody because I once asked myself the same question. 


I mean, after all, I wrote a whole blog post because of that. 


However, I have come to realize that this question doesn’t serve us in finding the person that is for us. You see, the most important factor in identifying “The One” is that he already decided and showed you that you are “The One” for him. 


Unless he wants to be with you and sees you as his potential life partner, why would you want to make him that?


And I get it. 


I used to be the type of girl that would cry over men that rejected me. Thinking back to it now I’m terrified. 


Why was I sad that someone that did not want to be with me, chose to leave? 


The reason for that was because I projected my desperation of wanting to be with anyone onto him. Rather than wanting to be with someone that wanted to be with me and that I actually liked.


So, instead of desperately roaming the internet for signs that he is the one, I want you to stop and do these things instead. 


1) Forget “The One” and Focus on the relationship 


The first one is part of an exercise I do with my coaching clients. I ask them to write down the feelings they would like to experience in their future relationship.




Because rather than focusing on a single person it’s better to hone in on what they want the relationship to feel like. After all, that’s what everybody is after. 


A loving, healthy relationship.


2) Cultivate joy and excitement for your single life 


One of the most important things I’ve learned in a relationship is that the moment we obsess over being in it, we start to settle. 


And by settling I mean, we start to accept a relationship that does not meet the above criteria.

Therefore, it’s important to cultivate joy and excitement as a single person. 


Because once you get into that desired relationship, you want to make sure that you choose to be in it because it is adding to the joy and excitement you already have as a single.


A good way to get started is by making a gratitude list.


3) Multi-date 


Now this one may be the most controversial but also the most effective. Whenever someone asks me how to tell if someone is “The One”, I ask them how long have you known them for?


The reality is, a lot of times we want the Hollywood love story where two people fall in love over a weekend, but that’s TV. 


You need to take your time to observe and vet the other person before you can honestly say whether they are “The One”. 


And while you do that multi-date. Make sure you keep your options open and find out what you like and dislike. 


That way you don’t choose prematurely.

Comments (0)