Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.
The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the furniture in the house is in place.
Just because you're not dead doesn't mean you're alive.
In an ideal world, weight would be like virginity -- once you lose it, it's gone forever.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
This 'killing them with kindness' is taking longer than I expected.
If women are always right, why do they always pick the wrong men???
They say marriages are made in Heaven, but so are thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.