TALKING "at" or "with"?

Real Estate Broker/Owner with people first...then business Ran Right Realty 636943 licensed to thrill

We take for granted when we speak that we are communicating but is it effective? Be mindful of speaking in rote which is mechanical or habitual repeating of something learned. Rote does not give a high rate of return in the intimacy realms. Another watch word? Script! Speaking in a canned response (predictable) which people tend to drown out


Still another type of speak, rhetorical talk is one talking to themselves and for themselves essentially not including the other person but taking up their time. This triggers a signal to the listener's attention span to activate. Deer in headlights appears or eyes glaze-over. To hear yourself speak when around others bores


Watch what happens when we speak with children who process simplicity without effort. They don't think but instead live in a state of wonder. Trying to over-ride them when instructing, teaching or scolding requires a skill driven by patience. Timing & love helps this along. That means some preparation is in order


This is what we want and should aim for when we can i.e. to send and receive effectively and efficiently which not only stimulates and fulfills but leaves the participants in a state of "knowing" or intimacy. This process can change lives


If you find yourself having to repeat and with patience growing thin, then pause and consider that you are not at your premium & not being received by another. It is not their issue but yours. Time-out or another approach is the next step


Asking someone if this is a good time or may I speak with you about something is like putting your toe in water to test the temperature. Very telling if you submit the question & not power it up. Bullying comes to mind as well as willfulness if you do. 


We cannot go through life in a self-centered mode and expect all to go well when navigating with the masses and the different personalities. Teaching this principal should be mandatory in schools at an early age. We want to get good at hearing and being heard. Why? Personal and professional results rely on these dynamics


Judging another person! You spoke your peace. You didn't care whether it was received or not and you now without justice or balance (equal opportunity) proceed to condemn and judge the other. Just because you told someone something doesn't mean they got it, heard you or understood. Pause here


Taking a superior stance when in a communicating arena for fun or for a necessity. Known as "condescending" , it turns people away, promotes confusion & can trigger anger compounding a problem. It is wise to employ humility & respect


Consider the gathering of people in an informal atmosphere an arena where one can practice or hone their communication skills. Lots of listening will pay-off here. Trial & error aka the learning curve will visit with you. So will this little feeling


Speaking at random sometimes produces comments not intended or presented in a raw state. Embarrassment or humiliation (social failing) will visit and it stings for a moment or two but consider it the price paid to learn and better one's self


If done correctly, a satisfaction that money cannot buy kicks-in and those involved have their personal stock increased. A type of bookmark in ones life takes place. In time, it may become a pleasant memory or a resolution of a sort. Contentment?


Take a moment and consider the tools one has that we take for granted. Wielding and living correctly by being good stewards of our skills and talents not only is rewarding but rewards others too. Give and receive generously

Comments (6)

Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Los Angeles Pasadena 818.516.4393

Hello Richie - this is another example when prepositions matter.  Substituting "with" rather than "at" when placed with talking can increase connection.  And isn't that the real purpose? Of course, if a monologue is desired perhaps there is another appropriate stage.   But what do I know?  I have long been stuck in Grammar's Attic.  

Sep 12, 2021 08:19 AM
Michael Jacobs


Sep 12, 2021 10:00 AM
Richie Alan Naggar

Be fruitful and multiply Michael Jacobs 

Sep 12, 2021 09:59 AM
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Hi Richie - no surprise to you I am sure that the number 1 problem my clients highlight in their organization is communication.  It is two way and requires active participation.

Sep 12, 2021 11:00 AM
Richie Alan Naggar

Granted my dear Grant Schneider 

Sep 12, 2021 12:20 PM
Wendy Rulnick
Rulnick Realty, Inc. - Destin, FL
"It's Wendy... It's Sold!"

Richie Alan Naggar This is filled with so much good advice!  1. Scripts are a turn-off. 2. If we are not understood by the other, we are not communicating well. 3. I agree 10000% that teaching to communicate/work with/understand different personality types in school is a fantastic idea!! 4. The satisfaction of having communicated well by listening, responding, understanding - then helping is huge.  And other points, too. (I think this should be featured!)

Sep 12, 2021 12:48 PM
Richie Alan Naggar

You remain a woman of interest thank you Wendy Rulnick 

Sep 12, 2021 05:54 PM
Sham Reddy CRS
H E R Realty, Dayton, OH - Dayton, OH

Thanks for sharing Richie! Great perspectives!

Consider the gathering of people in an informal atmosphere an arena where one can practice or hone their communication skills. Lots of listening will pay-off here. Trial & error aka the learning curve will visit with you. So will this little feeling

Sep 12, 2021 01:12 PM
Richie Alan Naggar

Good man Sham Reddy CRS 

Sep 12, 2021 05:55 PM
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Well done Richie- I can remember reading that children start out believing that they are the center of their universe. As we mature, we understand that it is not the case. However, so often there are adults we meet who have not gone beyond thinking they are still the center of everything. 

And to Michael Jacobs's point, to often we are spoken "to" and not "with".

Sep 13, 2021 09:32 AM
Richie Alan Naggar

Your commenting stands & thank you Kathy Streib 

Sep 13, 2021 09:33 AM
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Richie it has been a while since we connected, just wanted to stop in and see how you are? Endre

Sep 17, 2021 11:57 PM
Richie Alan Naggar

You are always welcomed here Endre Barath, Jr. ...

Sep 18, 2021 05:03 AM