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This is life. Go live it! ...And take off that armor!

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Buyers' Choice Realty

  

Yesterday I had dinner with a girlfriend who got hurt in love several years ago, and she swears that she'll never hurt like that again and she won't allow herself to get that close to anyone still. 

  

This evening I had drinks with a new girlfriend, who at 32 has never had a great love.  She is so cautious, that she has become a mere observer of life, instead of a participant in it.  She does not want to get hurt, she says.  I told her:  "Perhaps I should teach you how to be reckless and you should teach me how to be cautious, and we'll both be better off for it."

  

One of the things I've learnt in life is that when you close yourself off from feelings of pain, you also close off an entire gamut of other feelings.   Once you close a freeway because you don't want the cars of pain to use it, the cars of love and true happiness can't use it either... 

  

Living with an open heart, knowing full well that great joy can bring great pain, yet still opening yourself up to all the possibilities - that is the goal, for what good is a heart that has never been used?

  

"That which does not kill you makes you stronger".  I've always wondered about Nietzsche's statement.  How does it make you stronger?   When you wear a shoe that hurts your foot, you either get a blister or callous skin.  Is that what he meant by it:  that you grow callous?  How does it make you stronger?  Are you more cautious the next time?  Nietzsche was not a happy man; he died in an insane asylum.  That is not a good role model for me!

  

I've had great love and now I have great pain.  I embraced the love and now I accept the pain.  These feelings are the ebbs and flows of life, and like the ocean waves and tides coming and going, thus shaping the landscape of the beach, so they shape our characters.  And isn't the uncertainty and tumultuousness of the ocean the very thing we find so enticing about it? 

  

This is life.  Go live it!  ...And take off that armor! 

  

Mirela Monte                                                                                Join The Optimist Group!

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Iriana Shiyan
Artazum, LLC - Bellevue, WA
Atazum Seattle Real Estate Photography

I can not imagine living through the life and not having a great love even in your memories. For me, as a Russian, it is easy to except pain in love. IN our culture their no love without pain and we see beauty in it. Completely different, isn't it?

I always was very sad and mad when I saw people who are afraid to fall in love because they had a bad experience before. Those people are too weak and boring for me.

About Nietzsche:  What does not kill you, but makes you suffer, will change you. And you can became stronger and better, or if you can not understand it and go through it, than you will become very weak.

Jun 28, 2008 08:27 PM
Chip Jefferson
Gibbs Realty and Auction Company - Columbia, SC

Great post Mirela. Very thought provoking..I needed this today..there are too many things that we take for granted. Take time to stop and smell the roses and live life to its fullest.

Jun 29, 2008 12:02 AM
Robert Rauf
CMG Home Loans - Toms River, NJ

Mirela, I am addicted to your posts!  We cant go through life in a box, we need to experience it all, with out pain there cant be love, how would you know the difference if you did not have both experiences?  We are the sum total of our experiences... I would not change anything, even though I did make a few (ok, probalby more than a few) mistakes...  but everything we do builds us into what we are today.... and frankly, I Like ME!

Jun 29, 2008 01:47 AM
Fred Jaeger
High Lakes Realty and Property Management - La Pine, OR
Real Estate Connection - Central Oregon

Mirela,

You are a hopeless romantic that still believes, even despite, having been seemingly wounded.  That is a wonderful and beautiful thing. 

Although I must agree with the basic premise that "pain builds character," I worry, as you have expressed, that with pain there may come a certain hardness, or an unwillingness to allow one's self to be so utterly vulnerable again.  

Its frightening to reconcile that in order to be granted the full measure of the sweetest joy that comes with love, what is required is the actual lowering of all defenses by a total surrender of the heart.

 I lay here before you, my trust, my hope, my life and my heart
That you may take it and have it held close to you
That which grows so sweet within me 

I give to you all of mine which is dear, my sweetest joy, my deepest sorrow

  

I see you were up late again. 

Rest OK?

Jun 29, 2008 08:24 AM
Chuck Willman
Chuck Willman - Alpine, UT
NewHouseUtah.com

That's very interesting what you said about Nietzsche... my wife once said, "that which doesn't kill me- only almost kills me." ... and I have to agree. It's not like we seek punishment. However, all too often we overthink our feelings- keeping us from the upside of life or... we wear our negative experiences like some sort of magical sackcloth and give these momentary setbacks far more weight than they merit. One of the best phrases I've heard is "the best way around is through." If something brings us fear we should face it... timidity? challenge it. love? embrace it. Those things that bring the most joy may have their occaisional thorn- but they tend to be worth it. Once again, very good post Mirella- you always have such great topics.

Jun 29, 2008 09:45 AM
Chris Lambos
Poplar Hill Realty - Bellevue, TN

M I R E L A !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, this is a great post. This is BY FAR your best (and maybe one of the best I've read on AR). Of course opinions vary, but I guess it's all about the message, the messenger, the messengee and timing.

Reading THIS message, coming from YOU, at this particular TIME, means so much to ME.

Thanks, pal, and...

...Keep Writing!

Jun 29, 2008 10:08 AM
Mirela Monte
Buyers' Choice Realty - North Myrtle Beach, SC
Myrtle Beach Real Estate

Thank you Chris!  I really appreciate it!

Chuck:  I love everything you said!  You always talk to my heart and I really understand and appreciate every nuance expressed here.

"The best way around is through."   Absolutely my motto!

Chuck:  Once again....  Bravo!

Fred:  Your words just got me today.  I read them on my blackberry and I just started bawling.  My daughter didn't know what happened.  I told her it's a beautiful comment to my blog and she looked at me as if to say:  "mom you lost it!"

Thank you for understanding and for such a lovely contribution to this blog!

Jun 29, 2008 02:16 PM
Mirela Monte
Buyers' Choice Realty - North Myrtle Beach, SC
Myrtle Beach Real Estate

Robert:  You're always so candid and sweet.  Thank you!

Laura:  Yes, if you can do that Laura, you're ahead of the game...

Thank you!

 

Irina:  Yes, as a Russian, you are trained early on.  Stoic...  Russian women are very strong and fierce.  You are fortunate to have such a rich heritage.  Walk proud!

Jun 29, 2008 02:21 PM
Robert Rauf
CMG Home Loans - Toms River, NJ

Me, Sweet???  :) 

Awwww Shucks! 

Jun 29, 2008 02:36 PM
Mirela Monte
Buyers' Choice Realty - North Myrtle Beach, SC
Myrtle Beach Real Estate

Sweetness was what I liked about my now ex-boyfriend the most. 

Sweet, kind and funny...  these three qualities are the most desirable qualities in a man, in my humble opinion.

Jun 29, 2008 02:46 PM
Robert Rauf
CMG Home Loans - Toms River, NJ

for some reason you have me staring at the computer screen, smiling, at a loss for words... You just need to throw in Honest and smitten into the mix!

Jun 29, 2008 02:56 PM
Robert Rauf
CMG Home Loans - Toms River, NJ

I blame my loss for words on that espresso martini I had just before logging on

Jun 29, 2008 03:18 PM
Chris Lambos
Poplar Hill Realty - Bellevue, TN

lol

Jun 29, 2008 03:18 PM
Mirela Monte
Buyers' Choice Realty - North Myrtle Beach, SC
Myrtle Beach Real Estate

Robert:  An espresso martini?  Now that's a confusing drink: I wouldn't know if I was coming or going; alcohol to loosen up or coffee to wake up? 

"Honest"?  I forgot what that adjective describes; I haven't had that in a man for so long....

 

Jun 29, 2008 04:13 PM
Steve Shatsky
Dallas, TX

Hi Mirela... that's what I most admire about you from reading your posts... you seem to run out and embrace life in a carefree and exposed way that leaves you open to so many things.  I have never been able to be that open to emotions and as a result I always wonder what things I have missed out on as a result.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy and I love life, but I often wonder if it could be even better if I just let my guard down.

Jun 29, 2008 04:27 PM
Mirela Monte
Buyers' Choice Realty - North Myrtle Beach, SC
Myrtle Beach Real Estate

Steve:  It can be both better and worse...  Higher highs and lower lows...  There is a lot to be said for safety, although I don't believe we're safe at all.  It's a minor miracle that we wake up every day; millions of systems must function perfectly in order for that to happen.  We live in a World that spins at amazing speed.  Life, by it's very nature, is UNSAFE!

Steve, go ahead: take off that armor and start pushing the envelope!  That way you, too, will be here blogging till the wee hours trying to heal your broken heart...

 

 

Jun 29, 2008 04:43 PM
Tamara Perlman
Referral Network Inc. - Truckee, CA

Have you read Kahlil Gibran's THE PROPHET???   He speaks beautifully of love and love's pain.  Here are but a few of the lines from the Prophet's comments on love....  "When love beckons to you, you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep.  And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.  And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.  For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you"...  It continues from there, but I think the lines are relevant.  Love is risky business, but to close yourself off from it leaves you without the possibility of the bliss that an open heart can experience.  Walking around without armor is tough, but soooo worth it!

Jun 29, 2008 05:41 PM
Robert Rauf
CMG Home Loans - Toms River, NJ

I have never been a big fan of the foo foo drink... but an espresso martini... mmmmm.

Martini glass with dark chocolate shavings and brown sugar on the rim, in the glass a shot of espresso, Kahlua, vanilla vodka, chocolate liquor....  I think you should try it!

Jun 30, 2008 12:47 AM
- -
- - Bogota, TN

Thanks for yout taking the time to provide us with this information in the Active Rain network.  AR is the new "cyber backbone" of the industry, and with it's uplink to Localism.com it will transfrom the marketplace. Agents who don't see which way the cyberwind is blowing are going to find themselves at a considerable disadvantage inside of three to five years.

Jul 02, 2008 05:48 AM
Mirela Monte
Buyers' Choice Realty - North Myrtle Beach, SC
Myrtle Beach Real Estate

Robert:  That sounds so-o-o good.  I may become a fan of martinis after all...

Rob:  This members only post is simply for self gratification. 

Tamara:  I love Kahlil Gibran.  I actually have ALL his works.  He is such a lyricist.  I love the Prophet and still refer to it often.  I've given lots of copies to friends. 

..."For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you"... 

I'm feeling that one... 

Tamara, you and I would be the best of friends if we lived in the same place. 

 

Jul 11, 2008 09:04 AM