You have always been aware of yourself and the not yourself as it surfaced here & there throughout your lifetime. Saying or doing something embarrassing or awkward leaves one asking: Why did I say or do that? The disconnect is you glimpsing your real self from the not so real or programmed self. Let's explore this
From the infant stage, a baby only knows to respond & react to basic needs without thought or agenda. Noise is how an infant communicates not even knowing what it is saying. The parent reads & responds to the noise. All natural
As an infant starts to become aware of its sensations, feelings & pangs, it becomes familiar with them in a most innocent way & without knowing, the learning stage has kicked in. It realizes when it does something, a response is on its way. Crude but effective for all involved. This learning communication perfects itself with usage. A deliberate intelligence is being formed. An identity seed is planted.
Subtle but sure, a programming has begun involving learning as you go, trial & error, cause & effect plus belief (s) are being formed. Repetition reinforces it all & it will now be done to you as you believe. It is as simple as that. But wait, something happens as we grow. Parental/authority learning is imprinting itself upon you
The world, the people & our random thoughts start to join-up & affect us drawing us away from our true & inner selves to form a symbiotic relationship with our surroundings. The catalyst for it is our minds growing through intellect & at some point, taking charge of our comings & goings. Are we in charge or have we become a creature of automatic response, suggestion & easily influence?
GOING ALONG TO GET ALONG
Have you ever seen yourself going along with something while reluctant to do so? Factors like: everyone is doing it, I better go along, don't make waves & more all come non-stop from your thinking. Your heart is left behind & you find that acceptable. Why? The pressure from the moment will mitigate when you give in
MIND-DRIVEN or HEART-DRIVEN
A new and foreign (to the self) system is now at work in you trying to make its permanent home. The ego has grown legs & arms & it wants to exercise them while the heart & your child-like presence is now second place & perhaps taken captive subject to forces coming to bear. The child is forced to turn the other cheek in a sense. It gives in not knowing what else to do. A subtle sadness at work
THINK FEEL REACT
A thinking process called thought will enter in, you will feel its presence & drive, & you will then act or react accordingly. In the beginning, what's to complain? You are in a type of flow i.e. an action is taking place & a feeling of participation is at work. But it is not heart-driven nor coming from your inner compass or being.
EXISTENCE vs LIVING
Who's driving all this? Who is at the helm? Are you mistaking your mind for yourself? Thinking can only go so far. It does not have all your answers or even some of them. Mankind's history bears this out. The heart, which is the entrance & hallway to the soul must live & be fed. The mind (in the end) returns to worm-food
WHO ARE YOU?
A good place to start is who are you not? You are not your thinking! You are not what you learned! We are looking for the self, the unique, one of a kind creation that has been added to. A series of conflicts will surface pointing this out
ADULT vs CHILD
NOTE: The child came first then was added to. The adult feeds/pursues all the necessary needs & wants while the child goes along accepting the events. It is necessary to form an equal partnership where both benefit as they go.
TOO MUCH ADULT
Rigidity, constant seriousness, worry, willfulness, sinking in your thinking, lack of spontaneity, restlessness and nagging persistent-wants surface as a by-product when the adult runs away fully with itself. A natural harmony/balance is missing
Exactly what you are looking for & (what is necessary) is waiting in the wings i.e. the child in you who wants very much to come-out, play, interact & contribute forming a healthy balanced individual. Care-free-ness, spontaneity & humor surface without effort. We now play in our work which creates a satisfying passion
THE FULL VIEW is the FULL YOU
Harmony is no myth. Nature does it constantly as does the Earth and our Solar System. A Blithe Spirit i.e. a happy light-hearted character is formed and is capable of anything it cares to address. It is an effortless existence & deeply rewarding
Anything less than this is the NOT YOU