As a married woman, 15 years and counting, I will say communication in marriages can be hard.
Keeping the romance alive is a must! Keeping the spark going is a must! With busy schedules, family and friends, it can be hard to keep that intimacy between a husband and wife.
How often do you speak to your spouse daily? What would you say if I told you that talking 3 times a week or less puts your relationship at risk?
Studies reported by The Communication Institute, very few married couples speak to each other more than 3 times a week.
When questioned why such little communication is taking place in relationships Studies Reported: "I'm too tired", "We don't have anything interesting to talk about"
And the answer that surprised me the most, was when asked "what would you say if I told you that talking 3 times a week or less puts your relationship at risk?'
Answer: "It wouldn't make any difference. We are not in a 'relationship' anymore"
Wow! Is relationship even the right word?
You see, my husband and I are an extremely busy couple, I love to experiment (career), I work 9-5, blog and also look to dabble in home staging with three children under 10 (I am looking forward to finally stopping my 9-5) to have time for my family especially my children.
My husband works 10 hour days, often not getting home until after the kids are asleep and only on his one day off a week which is also my Sunday will we have time to communicate.
In order for us to make our marriage work, we need to set aside date night every single week! That means no weekends with friends or family, cuddled up on the couch, takeout and Netflix. It's just us!
I have been married for 15 years and it hasn't been easy, I have heard from other couples that not communicating every day is an everyday thing!
When you find your person in life, people say it gets easier… so why isn't communication getting easier?
With these little barriers in place, it's no wonder that many women and men feel like they are married but not in a relationship.
They share their bed at night, sometimes talk about work during the day, make dinner together and maybe do things with other couples or families but when it comes down to making time for each other like they did when they were dating, it's something that takes a back seat.
So, how do you improve communication in a relationship?
You need to make time for your spouse and create an atmosphere where communication is vital! Find some time that works for both of you and set a date (yes I said it - a date) to sit down and catch up on the week.
Remember that communication is a two-way street. It works both ways, listening and talking! Have a good, long chat about how the week went, who said what at work etc.
This will also help you know if something is bothering your spouse or if something is going well so you can celebrate together.
During this chat, try not to judge or confront each other, just listen to what the other has to say and remember that there are no wrong answers!
The goal here isn't simply about being heard! There needs to be an element of loving action too which means that whatever it was that was said needs to be followed upon.
That could mean making the kids' lunch for the next few days because your spouse is tired or even cooking dinner because you know your husband/wife prefers it when you cook.
Of course, this will take time, effort and planning but when you look back in years to come you will see that the time and effort were well worth it.
I would love to hear your thoughts about this! Are you in a relationship or married?
Are you happy to settle for communicating 3 times a week or do you prefer daily communication?
Feel free to share your thoughts and helpful tips below.