I responded to a post yesterday about the need for unmarried couples to plan ahead when it comes to powers of attorneys, medical directives, wills. I wanted to share our story. This is a very important issue. Don't put it off!
"I cannot stress enough the need for this kind of planning. My partner and I had been together eleven years and we had not taken care of any of this - no wills, power of attorneys, etc. Then, in 2002, Dennis was involved in a severe automobile accident. On the afternoon it happened, I was working in the garden when someone from his office called and told me to get to the hospital. I didn't even change clothes. Got to Barnes Jewish Hospital and told them that I was Dennis' partner, and I wanted to see him. They told me they were working on him and for me to wait. I waited for what seemed an eternity; actually it was at least an hour, probably longer, I don't remember. No one came to get me or tell me what was going on. Finally, I went to the desk nurse and threw a holy fit. They did finally let me go in as they were preparing to take him into surgery. They had gone through his wallet and somehow got his Mom & Dad's phone number. They live two hours away and were both sickly themselves. They called them to get permission to do the surgery, scaring them horribly, when I was sitting in the waiting room. I would have known nothing about what was going on had I not made a scene at the desk. I could have at least given them the information they needed, but they didn't even ask...
Dennis' skull was crushed, and he had developed a blood clot on his brain. During the surgery, they removed the clot and inserted three steel plates to hold his skull together. What a horrible night. Most of Dennis' family came up, my sister and her husband, and a number of friends came to be with me. An uncle of Dennis' showed up before his Mom, and the doctors actually conferred with him, rather than talking with me. If I hadn't been so terrified that Dennis would die, I would have been furious. Finally, about 3:00 am, I was exhausted and slept for a couple of hours on the hospital waiting room floor (have you ever noticed how uncomfortable the chairs are?).
This is how wonderful Dennis' family is; the next day, Dennis' mom and sister signed Dennis' power of attorney over to me. I had called our attorney and she had gotten the paperwork together. She had told us before that we needed to do this, but we had always been too busy.
Dennis did come home at the end of the week. I was scared to death. He was in a lot of pain. He did not remember anything about the wreck, did not know where he was. I had to have someone stay with him during the day, so I could get some work done. I was afraid he would wander off and not know where he was. There was also the fear that he would have seizures (thank God he never did).
That was a tough year. Dennis was unable to work for most of it. He suffered severe headaches daily, and he also had to deal with the pain of leg/hip nerve damage. He endured physical therapy for months. He had memory loss, and still does not remember the wreck to this day. He still deals with headaches, although not as severe as the first year. He will most likely have them the rest of his life.
As soon as he was able to, we had our wills, powers of attorney, medical directives completed. One copy of each is in each vehicle, as well as the safe. Our executors each have a copy. I've presented it to the hospital on several occasions since, and there's not been a bit of trouble. We have told everyone we know about the importance of taking care of the paperwork to protect yourselves. Don't end up in the situation we were in. Luckily, we have families who support us and our relationship; others may not be that lucky. This April 19, we will have been together for 16 years..."
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