By By Buts

Home Builder with Long Island Cash Home Buyer

Communication can create conflict or bring people together.

Certain things we say create conflict and resistance. But if we become aware of them and know what to say instead, we can communicate more smoothly with others, creating greater agreement and far less hostility along the way.

For example, the word "but" can be a problem. Whenever we hear "but" in a sentence, we know that we should discount what came before it and pay attention to what comes after it. If I were to say to you, "That's true but..." you know what is coming next, right? I'm going to tell you why it's not true or why it's irrelevant. Or is I say, "that's an interesting idea, but..." you know that I'm about to tell you why it won't work.

Supposing that instead, I said, "What you say is true, and here's something that's also true..." Feels a lot better, doesn't it? Or if I say, "That's an interesting idea and you could also look at it this way."

By using the word "and" instead of the word "but", I am linking my ideas to yours instead of putting them in opposition to each other. The difference between "but" and "and" is a lot like the difference between boxing, which uses brute opposition to defeat an opponent, and Japanese aikido, which is a way of harmonizing energy and joining with and redirecting an opponent's energy in a way which is better for both of you.

You will be more persuasive and create less conflict and resistance if you just throw away the "buts".


Comments (5)

Bill Salvatore - East Valley
Arizona Elite Properties - Chandler, AZ
Realtor - 602-999-0952 / em:

Thank you for sharing the real estate information.
Buyers and sellers in your area will benefit from your expertise.
Wishing you continued success. bill

Apr 06, 2022 11:42 AM
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

You are so right. I do catch myself writing "but" now and then, and I try to change it.

Apr 06, 2022 12:06 PM
Ron and Alexandra Seigel
Napa Consultants - Carpinteria, CA
Luxury Real Estate Branding, Marketing & Strategy


Perfectly said You will be more persuasive and create less conflict and resistance if you just throw away the "buts". 


Apr 06, 2022 01:21 PM
Roy Kelley
Retired - Gaithersburg, MD

This is good advice to share.

Have a great day and a very productive week.

Apr 07, 2022 05:12 AM
Kathy Streib
Cypress, TX
Home Stager/Redesign

Hi Beth- I love this idea. I'm going to aggressively work at not using "but!"

Apr 07, 2022 04:22 PM