“Corny English Puns."

“Corny English Puns."

1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
10. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
11. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
12. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
13. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
14. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
15. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.