In communication, there is a difference between hearing the words someone says and understanding their meaning. It comes down to being fully present in the conversation rather than thinking about what you are going to say in response.
One thing that I have been thinking about a lot lately is how we communicate (or fail to communicate) with people. My wife and I learned recently that my father-in-law has to get hearing aids, and while we were at the audiologist, the doctor explained how hearing aids work. He also went on to explain how some of the other issues we were facing were related to his hearing loss.
Now, the problem for most people who have trouble hearing and don’t have a hearing aid is that they have to focus extra hard on figuring out what the other person is saying. Some people with hearing loss can’t hear certain pitches, so they strain to understand the words. This can be like trying to assemble a puzzle quickly and mentally without the picture on the box. The strain of focusing that hard just on hearing the words actually hurts their cognitive processing ability, and they can’t retain what is being said. Their whole focus is on hearing rather than retaining and understanding.
Listening is More Than Hearing The Words
It was an interesting conversation, and it got me thinking about how it’s like doing a listing appointment or any other conversation we have with potential clients. Maybe you have been in a conversation with someone, and you knew they weren’t really listening to you. Perhaps they answered a question that you didn’t ask, or they made a comment to agree with you, but that wasn’t actually what you said? You just knew they weren’t listening, and you probably didn’t walk away from that chat with the belief they were a brilliant conversationalist.
Related Reading: Real Estate Coaching Tips: Your “Touch Base” Calls Are Not About You
When you are so focused on thinking of things to say that will show how skilled you are, what a great agent you are, or why they should hire you, you aren’t really hearing what they are telling you. When our focus is on what we are going to say or thinking about an analogy we could use, it hurts our communication because our focus is not on our potential clients. It hurts our level of understanding of what the other person needs or wants, and it hurts our ability to connect with them and build rapport.
Here's the secret sauce: People just want to feel heard. When you can make someone feel like you are truly hearing them (be it their complaints, commitments, or interests), when they can walk away from a conversation feeling like they have been heard, they will think you are a brilliant conversationalist! You don't even need to say much; just listen attentively! They will look forward to talking again, and that's the key to winning people over.
Pay Attention to Where Your Mind Is During a Conversation
Going into this week, pay special attention to where your focus is when you are talking to others. Are you truly listening to your potential clients? Will they feel like you genuinely heard them? Heard their concerns? Their dreams? Goals? Focus less on using the right words and focus more on tuning into the other person and the message they are trying to convey to you. Focus on connecting with them and letting the conversation flow naturally.
Related Reading: The Power of Being Present
Related Reading: Psychology Today – The 10 Qualities of Great Listeners
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