The Grab Bag Has Been Summoned

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with New Paradigm Partners LLC EB #1326335

I have been summoned from my repose among the Undead by the required three mentions in blog post comments within a week, and am henceforth compelled to manifest this episode of the Grab Bag for your entertainment. To fulfill this compulsion, I have turned to my old standby Twitter, a once-trusted resource whose continued availability is as questionable as my own sense of humor.

Please enjoy these tweets responsibly.

 


Picked up a hitchhiker today. He seemed like a nice guy. After a while though, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer. I told him that the odds that two unrelated serial killers were in the same car at the same time were astronomical.         - @soonergrunt

 

I’m 50. All celebrity news looks like this: ‘CURTAINS FOR ZOOSHA? K-SMOG AND BATBOY CAUGHT FLIPPING A GRUNT’                 - @OwensDamien

 

If you try to rob a Waffle House they will hire you on the spot      - @Ygrene

 

fred flintstone: I've got a problem with my car

podiatrist: let's take a look

-  @mrjohndarby

 

“I want to pay my bill online and it says, ‘an expected error occurred.’ Did you mean ‘unexpected’?”

“No, we know about it.”

“So you’ll fix it?”

“Eventually.”

“The bill is due today.”

“Then you better get on that.”

“Don’t you want the money?”

“Not if we can repossess your house.”

                                                                - @MicroFlashFic

 

Had a Craftsman wrench with a lifetime warranty break, so I called Sears and they sent a hitman.

- @WilliamAder

 

we may never be able to affect change or make anything better but once every like fifteen years someone slips through and hits a billionaire or a politician with a pie and thats pretty good.

                                                                -@HelloCullen

 

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Let he who is without stone come down to Steve's Stone Supply, Exit 13A off the NJ Turnpike.

- @dorsalstream

 

I hate when people ask me if my baby is a “good baby” like no he bets on illegal dog races and stabbed a kid at the playground                         - @mommeh_dearest

               

well YES I did throw garbage across the living room but I also purchased a “garbage offset” from some guy on the street so technically the living room is clean right now. I’m sorry you don’t understand science                                                    - @nedwards

 

An audiobook that is 8 hours of breathing and page turning with a surprised “Oh, out loud?” right at the end.                                                       - @ChrisHallbeck

 

Doctor: I've made the appointment to remove the tapeworm

Me: I never asked for that

Doctor: he did

Tapeworm: I can't eat any more cheese

- @ArfMeasures

 

[ first time cannibal ]

me: the shirt’s a little chewy

him: you’re supposed to peel them, you absolute buffoon

                                                                - @FredTaming

 

"We'll use it to carry water and maybe, someday, chicken."  - inventor of the bucket

- @JPLFR80

 

[xmas eve]

ghost of christmas present: wake up

jeff bezos: huh wh-what is this

ghost of christmas present: where’s the ant farm i ordered for my nephew

                                                                - @TweetPotato314

 

crazy to look at a map and see how perfectly all the states fit together. no gaps between them or anything. nature is amazing               - @InternetHippo

 

YOU WILL NEVER BE A BILLIONAIRE BUT THERE'S STILL TIME TO SEE WHAT THEY TASTE LIKE

                                                                - @SICKOFWOLVES

 

Me in the shower: I have to leave this pre-conditioning moss and fig hair mask in for 15 minutes, which is perfect because I can simultaneously do my pink Himalayan salt foot soak!

Boyfriend in the shower: nice, this face wash is also dog shampoo

- @CarmenLagala

 

Happy Halloween!! Miss you guys!!         - @DickGreenberg

Posted by
Mary & Dick

Mary & Dick Greenberg
New Paradigm Partners LLC
2601 S. Lemay Ave. #41
Fort Collins, CO 80525
970-689-4663
www.maryanddick.com

 

Data Source: IRES MLS

Comments (32)

Dee Toohey
Innovative Realty Solutions Group - Longwood, FL
Broker, ABR, AHWD, CIPS, FMS, ePro

Thanks for the chuckles!

 

Nov 01, 2022 12:56 AM
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Hi Dick - good to see you and your grab bags back in Active Rain.

Nov 01, 2022 04:06 AM
Patricia Feager, MBA, CRS, GRI,MRP
DFW FINE PROPERTIES - Flower Mound, TX
Selling Homes Changing Lives

WOW! Is this an apparition or the REAL Dick Greenberg? If you are real, good to have you back. With a FEATURE too! If you are a ghost, you levitated to FEATURE status in a hurry! Was this Hocus Pocus? Did you arrive back to ActiveRain by the Magical Mystery Bus? Nonetheless, welcome back from the (well, you know)!  

Nov 01, 2022 04:40 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

God morning Dick Greenberg ,

Well I have many agreeing with my #moregrabbagsfromdickgreenberg  ..Can we count on you? We all miss you!!

Nov 01, 2022 05:26 AM
Beth Atalay
Cam Realty and Property Management - Clermont, FL
Cam Realty of Clermont FL

Good morning Dick Greenberg, what a nice Halloween treat, and for the morning chuckle. Good to see you in the rain!

Nov 01, 2022 05:51 AM
Doug Dawes
Keller Williams Realty Evolution - Topsfield, MA - Georgetown, MA
Your Personal Realtor®

Look what Elon has done...released the tweets. Have a great day Dick Greenberg 

Nov 01, 2022 06:33 AM
Dorte Engel
RE/MAX Leading Edge - Bowie, MD
ABC - Annapolis, Bowie, Crofton & rest of Maryland

Dear Dick,

Thanks for the comic relief. I knew a few of the jokes already (not from Twitter).

Nov 01, 2022 06:39 AM
Laura Cerrano
Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island - Locust Valley, NY
Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher

I’m open to grab bag of these days. It’ll be interesting to see what happens. :

Nov 01, 2022 06:58 AM
Leanne Smith
Dirt Road Real Estate - Golden Valley, AZ
Relocation to NW AZ with elbow room & more freedom

Way beyond too funny. Thanks for sharing

Nov 01, 2022 08:06 AM
Carol Williams
Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals. - Wenatchee, WA
Retired Agent / Broker / Property Manager

Hey Dick,
I'm late to the Halloween Grab Bag party, but it was a great way to start a new month.

Nov 01, 2022 08:55 AM
Hannah Williams
HomeStarr Realty - Philadelphia, PA
Expertise NE Philadelphia & Bucks 215-820-3376

Dick Greenberg  How nice to see your face and name - Hope that means you are back my friend as you have been greatly missed 😉

Nov 01, 2022 12:26 PM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate

It seems we all agree that we miss your Grab Bags Dick Greenberg 

You are missed here in the Rain. 

Nov 01, 2022 12:54 PM
Georgie Hunter R(S) 58089
Hawai'i Life Real Estate Brokers - Haiku, HI
Maui Real Estate sales and lifestyle info

That was just what I needed.  Love the comic about the home buyers too.

Nov 01, 2022 05:36 PM
Myrl Jeffcoat
Sacramento, CA
Greater Sacramento Realtor - Retired

Believe it or not, I slept all through the Trick or Treating that went on last night.  I had spent a very busy day.  I woke this morning to a bucket filled with Snickers that were never handed out.

Nov 01, 2022 06:28 PM
Myrl Jeffcoat
Sacramento, CA
Greater Sacramento Realtor - Retired

CONGRATULATIONS Dick, on having this blog FEATURED in the Old Farts Club group!  

Nov 01, 2022 06:29 PM
Virginia Hepp - Mesquite NV REALTOR
Desert Gold Realty - Mesquite NV Homes For Sale - Mesquite, NV
Mesquite NV Homes and Neighborhoods - Search MLS

WTH is this???  I was looking for a Greeley Co market report.

Nov 01, 2022 08:16 PM
Debb Janes EcoBroker and Bernie Stea JD
ViewHomes of Clark County - Nature As Neighbors - Camas, WA
REALTORS® in Clark County, WA

What a nice surprise! Good to see you, Dick. I'm laughing at Virginia Hepp - Mesquite NV REALTOR 's comment. I expected a Fort Collins market report, but still. :) 

Nov 02, 2022 07:37 AM
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
Retired New Hampshire Home Stager

Very enjoyable! Loved it. HaHa

I have been summoned from my repose among the Undead by the required three mentions in blog post comments within a week

Nov 02, 2022 08:33 AM
Diana Dahlberg
1 Month Realty - Pleasant Prairie, WI
Real Estate in Kenosha, WI since 1994 262-308-3563

Needed a little humor today!  Thanks and glad to see you back in the Rain and that you were FEATURED!  Nice!  LOL

Nov 02, 2022 12:54 PM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Great seeing your humor grace your blog!  Hilarious!! Appreciate your wit and miss seeing your posts!  Nice feature!

Nov 15, 2022 09:43 AM