As I have gotten older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned it thoroughly. Today I'm' putting the cockroach in the bathroom.
Lazy is a very strong word. I like to call it "selective participation".
Elderly people in church....The wife turns to her husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?" Put new batteries in your hearing aids!"
You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get up.
I just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my car, while using my phone as a flashlight.
I'm old enough to remember when mentally ill people were put in hospitals, not Congress.
A guy walks out of the restroom... A girl says: "Sir your garage door is open... asks: "Did you see my Harley"... Girl says: "No I saw a mini bike with two flat tires
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you are laughing for no reason, you may need medication.
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